As the days went by, I realized that my feelings were based on a potential that wasn't real; it was merely a projection of what I would do in her position. This life of mine, of which she has been a part, feels like the worst it can be. It doesn't mean I regret it; it doesn't change the fact that I enjoyed the journey despite the inevitable.
….
Friday,29 November,2024
today was the annual day of my university and as always I wasn't present there for the important day.
I just woke up and am writing what goes through my mind Maybe in a while, I will take and break and go out for a smoke to relieve my worries.
"Sometimes I wish I was a goddamn sun so I get to kiss her every morning, day, month, and year but no I am nothing but made of flesh and blood, full of flaws, and complex emotions. These above terms are too complex for me to even though of love her wholeheartedly.
Besides Bulishh's talk, I love to listen to music and art, by art I mean her; Gurl her whole existence is potential research material to me, by observing, touching, and potentially intimating I hope to perfect my existence with her holy flawless body:v lololo I sound like a simp." I thought.
Well, enough rambling, today I'm all alone at home .mom's gone for a picnic while my brother is also off to university .while most of the time my father is at home but it's been a week since he went on a business vacation. I will not call it completely all alone since my pet dog(Kalu) is with me.
Ok, that's it for today, my pet waiting for me to serve him food …
I learned to cook, and again now that she no longer is here, I shall learn to live for the greater good so as not to be destroyed by jealousy and grieve like that cuts those like of sword.
Lately, I realized I'm using "she" instead of "you," which feels distant. Maybe that's a positive sign, or maybe it isn't, which I am more afraid of.