Yoshi's kiss takes me by surprise.
Not only because I didn't expect it but also because the moment his lips touch mine, new and pleasant sensations seize my body. His kiss is soft and slow. He tastes of vodka and something sweet that I can't decipher, but I like it. He sucks on my bottom lip, then kisses me again, deepening the kiss a little.
The thinking part of my brain disappears, and my hormones take the wheel. I allow myself to enjoy this kiss. I'm a single girl being kissed by a cute guy, and there's nothing wrong with that. Yoshi grabs my waist, pulling me closer to him, and I wrap my hands around his neck. I never imagined Yoshi could kiss so well. His tongue caresses the corner of my lips, making me shiver.
Someone clears their throat.
And that's when I remember that we are in front of the house, in full view of everyone. I separate from Yoshi, without taking my hands off his neck, and turn my head to look at the person who cleared his throat.
Marco.
My heart stops, because he's not alone. Behind him, a few steps away, is Ares. His hands are in his pants pockets and his eyes are on me.
Oh shit.
His face is an empty, indecipherable mask. Is he angry? Disappointed? Surprised? Or does he just not care? I can't tell from his expression, which gives nothing away.
My hands drop from Yoshi's neck and fall to my sides. What were the odds of Ares leaving the house at this very moment? Marco gives me an amused smile, his tone teasing. "You never cease to amaze me."
Ares turns his gaze away from me and starts walking past us. "Come on, we don't have all night." His voice is neutral, reminding me of the first time we spoke.
He passes by without another glance. He really doesn't care. Why does that hurt me so much? Why do I want him to care? Marco gives me one last smile and follows him. I watch them head to Ares's car, which is parked on the street, to pull out some crates of what looks like beer.
Yoshi grabs my hand. "Earth calling Raquel."
I stop looking at Ares and focus on my best friend, the guy I just kissed. Shit, what a night!
"I'm sorry, I just … It's nothing."
Yoshi caresses my cheek. "If anyone needs to apologize here, it's me. I'm sorry, I know how you feel about him. I don't expect you to act like you don't care overnight." He adjusts his glasses, and I can't help the smile that springs to my lips. Yoshi is so sweet, and on top of it, he kisses well too.
"We should go inside." I don't want to face Ares again when he comes back with those crates.
Yoshi nods. "Okay, but first I want you to know that this isn't a one-night thing for me. I really care about you, and I want us to try."
"I care about you too, but I don't want to hurt you."
"I know," he says with a smile. "Let's try, and if it doesn't work, we can just be friends, but at least we'll know we tried." He pauses, but I don't say anything. "Just think about it, okay? You don't have to answer now."
I just nod and grab his hand to lead him back into the house. "All right, now let's go, Casanova."
Yoshi laughs, and we go inside together.
I tend to underestimate the ability of alcohol to get people drunk in a short amount of time. We're all pretty tipsy, so to speak, but Carlos is past the point of no return. He's unconscious on one of the couches in the house, drooling onto a flowered cushion. Apolo, being the nice guy that he is, checks Carlos's breathing every so often.
I'm having a great time and even manage to completely forget about Ares from time to time. But the more I drink, the more I think about him. I don't know if it's a side effect of the alcohol, but it bothers me. I don't want to think about him, I don't want to scan the room every now and then to see if I can find him, I don't want to wonder what he's doing and who he's with.
I don't care about him, I don't care about him, I keep repeating to myself. Dani gives Apolo a kiss on the cheek, telling him how cute he is, and he just blushes, lowering his head. I shake my head, and then I see him. Ares walks past with a tall, slender brunette with wavy hair. He doesn't even look around; he just continues on his way through the crowd until he reaches the stairs. He walks up them with her, both of them laughing together.
My stomach drops. I know what people go upstairs to do in those rooms. Judging by the look the brunette was giving him, she really wants him. Jealousy gnaws at me, and then I realize that he really doesn't care about me. Just seeing him with that girl makes me feel like my heart is going to explode, and imagining him kissing her turns my stomach. Yet he saw Yoshi kissing me and didn't care; he didn't even look surprised.
That's the big difference between him and me. I feel everything, and he feels nothing. I'm the only one in love. It's always been that way with him. So why am I torturing myself like this? I have to get him out of my mind and out of my heart. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I don't want to feel hurt and disappointed.
I take Yoshi's glass and drink until it's completely empty. Everyone looks at me in surprise. So much alcohol all at once makes me dizzy for a second, but it passes, and I grab Dani's glass and do the same, but she stops me halfway through.
"Hey, calm down, there's no hurry!"
I hand her back her glass, breathing heavily after drinking so much in one gulp. "I'm sorry, I got excited."
She gives me a skeptical look. "Are you all right?"
I force a smile, but the image of Ares with that girl is burned into my mind. "I'm doing great."
My ears get hot, as does my face. Remember the qualities of alcohol? Feeling brave, I take Yoshi's hand and stand up, forcing him to stand with me.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Yoshi says to me in surprise.
"We'll be right back," I tell Dani and Apolo, pulling Yoshi behind me.
Climbing the stairs is harder than it looks, especially if the world is spinning. I hold on tight to the railing, and with the other hand I keep pulling Yoshi, who lets out a confused chuckle.
"Where are we going, Rochi?" he asks. We reach the top of the stairs and find a dark hallway full of doors on either side.
"Let's have fun, like him—like everyone else," I say quickly, but Yoshi is so drunk he doesn't notice.
Inevitably, I imagine Ares behind one of those doors, making out with that brunette, his hands touching her, making her reach a delicious orgasm. My stomach churns, and I gag. I stagger across the hallway with Yoshi following me. I pick a door at random because I know fate won't be so cruel as to make me enter the room Ares is in.
It's a small room with a single bed. I don't bother to turn on the light. The light from the moon is bright enough to see everything. I grab Yoshi by the shirt and throw him on the bed. I close the door, giggling like a fool, playing with the edge of my shirt.
"Yoshi . . ."
Yoshi just mumbles. "What are you doing, Rochi?"
"What do you think?" I try to move seductively toward the bed, but I stagger so much that I have to hold on to the wall.
Yoshi lifts his hand to wag his finger back and forth. "No, Rochi, you're drunk, not like that."
"You're drunk, too, you fool."
I focus on trying to pull my shirt off over my head, but it doesn't go past my neck before I get tangled up, crash into the wall, and fall. I get up as fast as I can, still wobbly. "I'm fine!"
The only response is a loud snore. I give Yoshi a death glare, lowering my shirt back into place.
"Are you serious?" I growl in frustration and pinch his leg. "Yoshi? Come on, wake up! Yoshi!"
Frustrated, I leave the room and lean against the door. I see a light at the end of the hall—no, I'm not dead—and I head toward it. I hear all sorts of sounds as I walk down that hall that I do my best to ignore. I stop in front of a white-framed door with square panels of glass, and I open it because that's where the light is coming from.
It's a balcony, and it's empty.
Or so I think. I close the door behind me, and I can see someone leaning on the balcony railing to my right, cigarette smoke rising above him. I can only see his back, but I know it's him, and my heart knows it too and beats like the masochistic idiot it is.
Ares.
I don't move, my mouth is dry, my tongue feels heavy, but I think that's from the alcohol. He looks over his shoulder at me and doesn't seem surprised to see me. In fact, there's no expression on his face, the same as a few hours ago. I don't know why, after thinking about him all night and looking for him constantly, that now that I have him a few steps away from me, I want to run away.
Ares hasn't looked at me fully, and yet he still manages to make both my heart race and my breathing pick up. The tension on the balcony is too much for me. Like a coward, I turn toward the door again, but, before I can touch its knob, he moves in quick steps and blocks my way.
I always forget how tall he is, how beautiful and perfect every inch of his face is, and the intensity of his eyes. I look down, backing away, but Ares moves with me, forcing me backward until my back hits the balcony railing.
"Running away?" His voice is cold and makes me shiver.
"No." I shake my head, and I get a little dizzy.
I keep my eyes on his chest. Not even the courage that alcohol gives me is enough to face him. The smell of his cologne hits my nose, and I struggle not to close my eyes and inhale exaggeratedly.
I missed his smell, his presence, and his ability to make me feel everything without even touching me.
"Look at me," he orders, but I refuse. "Look at me, Raquel."
Reluctantly, I obey. His eyes sparkle in the moonlight. Unwillingly, my gaze drops to his lips, and I notice that his piercing is missing.
"I-I have to go," I try to step aside to pass him, but he puts both hands on the railing, locking me in.
"What are you doing up here?" he presses me. "Did you come looking for me?"
"Of course not, the world doesn't revolve around you."
He gives me that stupid smirk that I love and hate. "Not the world. But you do."
His arrogant statement annoys me, and I push him, but he doesn't move. "Get out of the way!" I push him again without any success.
"Why? Do I make you nervous?"
I look away, faking disinterest. "Of course not."
"Then why are you shaking?" I don't know what to say, so I just look away. "You're shaking and I haven't even touched you. Don't worry, I won't either."
Why?I almost ask out loud, but I don't say it. He's out of my life. I have to keep my word this time.
Silence stretches between us, and I dare to look up again. His expression is as impassive as ever. How does he manage to feel nothing? How does he manage to hold me so close and not show a single emotion? While I shudder, struggling to keep my feelings in check, he is so normal, so calm. So why won't he let me go if he doesn't care about me? Why is he blocking my way?
And then a tide of emotions sweeps over me. Ares has hurt me a lot, but he doesn't seem to want to leave my life either. I might be a game to him or whatever else, but I'm tired of going around in circles, expecting something from him that he'll never give me. He's not interested in being with me. He hasn't fought me any of the times I told him I wanted him out of my life.
The memory of that day in his playroom comes to my mind. His impatient face, waiting for me to leave. His hand offering me the phone as if in payment for my services.
Squeezing my hands, I push his chest once. "Let me go! Get off!" He moves to the side, and I move away from him. I stagger in the direction of the balcony door, my stomach twisting.
No, not now, don't puke now, Raquel. This is not the time.
I get so dizzy that I grab a metal chair next to the door. And I half fall, half sit on it. Cold sweat runs down my forehead. "I don't feel very well."
Ares appears at my side in a second. "What did you expect? You drank too much."
I don't know how he understands my babbling. "How do you know I drank too much?"
And then I heave.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I vomit gloriously in front of the guy I'm in love with. This clearly qualifies as the most disgusting and embarrassing moment of my life.
Ares holds my hair as I vomit all over the wooden floor of the balcony. Tears well up in my eyes from the effort of each gag. When I finish, I feel like I've drunk another whole bottle of alcohol. I can't even hold my body up; I'm like a rag doll. Apparently, vomiting makes me more drunk. I always thought it would be the opposite.
Everything is a blur, and Ares's voice becomes so distant.