I realize that the Greek God nickname fits Ares perfectly, especially after seeing him naked.
I saw Ares naked. I touched him. I saw him come. Am I dreaming? Maybe I got too drunk and it's one of those crazy, vivid, drunken dreams.
As I walk out of the bathroom, I mentally thank Ares for getting dressed, but I find it strange that he has put everything on. His shirt, his pants, his shoes. Is he leaving? My heart twists a little when he doesn't even turn to look at me. He's too busy typing on his phone, sitting in my desk chair.
"Who are you texting at this hour?"
"That's not your problem, Raquel."
And there I stand, feeling superuncomfortable. What should I do? Or say? After a few seconds, Ares lifts his eyes from his phone and glances at me. I swallow, fiddling with my hands in front of me.
Really, Raquel? After you've done all that with him, you're this nervous?
My conscience is an idiot.
"I'm leaving." Ares stands up, sticking his phone into the back pocket of his pants. My heart sinks in my chest. "When Apolo wakes up, tell him to jump the fence and enter through the back door, I'll leave it open for him."
"I thought it wasn't appropriate to sleep with a man alone," I joke, but Ares doesn't smile.
"It's not, but it's your room, your life. It has nothing to do with me."
Okay, this guy is moody. He arrived annoyed, then he was tender, then sexual, and now he's back to being cold.
"Is something wrong?"
Ares walks to the window. "No."
Oh no, you won't leave. You won't leave here with that attitude without explaining what's wrong with you. You won't leave me with a feeling of having been used that is eating away at my heart.
I catch up to him and stand in front of him, blocking the window. "What's wrong with you now, Ares?"
"There's nothing wrong with me."
"Yes, something is wrong with you. Your sudden mood swings are giving me a headache."
"And your drama is bothering me. That's why I'm leaving."
"Drama?"
He points between us. "This drama."
"I hadn't even said anything to you until I saw that you were about to leave."
"Why can't I leave?"
"You said you would sleep here."
Ares sighs. "I changed my mind. It happens. Didn't you know that?"
"You're being an idiot. Didn't you know that?"
"That's the very reason I'm leaving. I don't understand why women assume that we owe them something just because we've had a little sexual fun. I don't owe you anything. I don't have to stay. I don't have to do anything for you."
Ouch!
Ares continues. "Look, Raquel, I like to be honest with the girls I get involved with."
Whatever he's going to say, I know I'm not going to like it.
"You and I are having fun, but I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm not looking to cuddle after fooling around a little. That's not me. I need to be clear with you about that because I don't want to hurt you. If you want to have fun with me with no strings attached, fine. And if that's not what you want, if what you want is a boyfriend, romance, Prince Charming, then tell me to stay away, and I will."
Thick tears run down my cheeks, and it's like I've stepped out of a sweet dream and entered a painful reality. I moisten my lips to speak. "I understand."
Ares's expression crumples with sadness, but, before he says anything, I wipe away my tears and open my mouth again.
"Then stay away from me."
The surprise on his face is all too obvious. I know that wasn't what he expected. But my mother taught me to never attempt to change someone. I know that no amount of sex, no matter how good, is enough to change someone if that person is unwilling to try.
Do I like him? I really do. I would dare to say that I'm falling in love with him. But I saw my mother put up with—and forgive—my father's infidelities over and over again. I saw that she forgot how much she was worth, and that no matter how much she endured, cried, and suffered, my father never changed. He finally left with a woman much younger than her. After living through all that, I promised myself I wouldn't be the same, I wouldn't let myself be trampled over and mistreated for love, I wouldn't let myself be completely carried away by my emotions. The pain of a broken heart passes, but the knowledge that you let someone make you forget your worth and walk all over you stays with you forever.
So I look Ares straight in the eye, not caring that I still have dried tears on my cheeks. "Stay away from me. And don't worry, I'm not interested in watching you anymore, so you can put your mind at rest."
He doesn't come out of his daze. "You never cease to amaze me, you are so . . . unpredictable."
"And you're such an idiot. Do you think that going around banging girls and then dumping them will bring you happiness? Do you think this 'I just want to have fun and nothing serious' nonsense is going to get you anywhere? You know, Ares, I thought you were a different person. I get why they say, 'never judge a book by its cover.' You have a beautiful cover, but your content is empty, and you're not a book I'm interested in reading, so get out of my room and don't come back."
"Wow, you really want the whole romance story, don't you?"
"Yes, and there's nothing wrong with that. At least I know what I want."
Ares tenses his jaw. "Fine, as you wish."
I step aside and he starts to climb out the window. "And Ares?"
He turns to me, with his hands on the ladder, and his body already outside on the rungs.
"I hope you've got the internet working at your place, because I am going to change my Wi-Fi password. I can't see any point in it being AresAndMeForever now."
A hint of pain crosses his features, but I chalk it up to my imagination, and he just nods and disappears down the ladder.
I let out a long sigh as I watch the boy of my dreams walk away.
I feel horrible.
Both physically and emotionally, which is a very bad combination for a single human being. My head hurts, and my body and my stomach are not quite stabilized after drinking. I haven't slept at all, and it's already morning.
And Apolo?
He's good, thank you, sleeping like a vampire on a sunny day.
My cup of coffee warms my hands. I'm sitting on the floor in front of the bed with a blanket around me. I hope the coffee does something for my soul. I feel like a zombie, and I'm pretty sure I look like one too. From my position, I can see the top of the ladder on the windowsill. I still can't believe I convinced Mom to let me keep it after she saw it. I told her I was practicing some new trendy Instagram exercise, and she believed me. Maybe I should get rid of it now. I sigh.
I feel like shit.
The physical discomfort is nothing compared to the feeling of disappointment that pierces my soul. I feel used, rejected, and unappreciated. It's amazing what Ares can do to me with just a few words. Even though I know I did the right thing by kicking him out of my life, it doesn't reduce the disappointment and dejection in my heart.
As unexpectedly as he appeared in my life, he's gone.
The sun is peeking through my window, and I remember Ares disappearing through it as if it happened minutes ago, not hours. I can't help but analyze every moment over and over again. My poor brain, guided by my heart, tries to look for gestures, expressions, any hidden words that give me hope that he wasn't just playing with me, that he didn't just use me, that he's not an idiot.
During the time I've observed him, I've realized that his personality isn't the greatest, but I didn't expect him to have such a narrow perception of romance. He doesn't want a relationship, and he thinks women are something to be used and discarded. I know that if I didn't have such strong views about valuing myself as a woman, I would have fallen into his net. I would have given myself to him completely simply because I like him. I like everything about him. I have never in my life felt so attracted to someone. The things Ares makes me feel just by looking at me are overwhelming.
So I don't blame the girls who have gone through with it and tried to change him. I would try, too, if I hadn't experienced firsthand what my mother went through. That memory has always given me strength.
I sigh again, taking a sip of my coffee. I am so tired of being alone.
I want to have love, experience, fun. I want so many things. But I also want someone who respects me, who yearns to be with me, who wants to be with me. I don't want to be anyone's toy, no matter how much I might like him.
I lay my head against the edge of the bed and put my coffee cup to the side to watch the ceiling fan spin. It moves so slowly, blowing cool air over my face.
Without realizing it, I fall asleep.
A few hours later, Apolo finally wakes up, and leaves with his head down, mumbling a thousand apologies. I've come to realize how much Apolo fears and respects Ares, but most of all how tender and kind Apolo is. I like him a lot, and I hope that this situation, although bizarre, is the beginning of our friendship.
As I watch Apolo climb down the ladder outside my window, I can't help but remember the moment that Ares left. His eyes had been fixed on me, as if waiting for me to change my mind and tell him to come back.
Ah! Get out of my head, Greek God.
I need to go back to sleep. I cover myself with my blanket and try to do just that.