I attended Zhouzhou's grand wedding, but the helpless expressions of Zhiguo and his wife were fixed in my mind, and I couldn't get rid of them. My mind was still in a muddle. After hearing the blessings from Zhouzhou's parents and her parents-in-law to the new couple, I understood something.
Zhouzhou's father said, "Zhouzhou is getting married and has grown up. Zhouzhou's future life is everything to me. I will continue to help this new couple and take care of their new family." Zhouzhou's mother added, "In the future, the two families of the elders will wholeheartedly pour their efforts into this new couple's family and spare no effort." Zhouzhou's parents-in-law naturally promised that since Zhouzhou had entered their family, they would treat her well and reassure Zhouzhou's parents. Finally, Zhouzhou's husband's father emphasized at the end, "No matter what the future holds for this new couple, Zhouzhou's parents and Zhouzhou's parents-in-law are their strong backing!" It was this sentence that truly moved me... After hearing this sentence, when I looked at the unit signs on each dining table, they were no longer just dining tables, but a big net, an invisible big net, a big net of interpersonal relationships.
A person's strength is limited. If he knows ten people, and these ten people can all help him solve problems, then the strength of these ten people added to him becomes ten. And if each of these ten people knows another ten people, then his strength becomes one hundred. Connected in this way, interpersonal relationships form a big net, and many problems that cannot be solved by an individual's strength can be solved through this network of contacts. Zhouzhou's parents have built this network and this interpersonal relationship for Zhouzhou. The marriage that Zhouzhou's parents have arranged for her has made this network double in size.
Under the magnificent and luxurious wedding is this huge network of relationships supporting the future life of the young couple. With the protection of this network, Zhouzhou's upbringing, her affinity, and her husband's way of dealing with people make me feel that this new couple has a promising future. Perhaps from this moment on, this new couple, Zhouzhou and her husband, have left me, who has been working for ten years, far behind.
After the wedding, Xiaopang sent me home. Xiaopang told me that Zhiguo and his wife did not come to the wedding. Zhiguo's wife used to be in the same dormitory as Zhouzhou. At that time, I thought to myself: Xiaopang, you are still young. I can already see that even though Zhiguo's wife was a very good roommate and classmate of Zhouzhou during their student days, coming to Zhouzhou's wedding is, to some extent, like torturing herself. They are both students from a key university, in the same grade, in the same college, and in the same dormitory. It is no exaggeration to say that their current situations are like heaven and earth. How could she come? Looking at Zhouzhou's 220-square-meter house, her snow-white wedding dress, and her grand wedding, and comparing it to her own 70-square-meter house where five people live, including her parents-in-law and brother-in-law, how could she convince herself and comfort herself? Everyone has a sense of comparison and a sense of competition. It is unbearable for anyone to see such a big gap between classmates who lived together day and night for four years and graduated only two years ago. It is better not to come and be stimulated. Perhaps from now on, the two lives and the two paths will never intersect again. Why bother?
After attending Zhouzhou's wedding, what I heard the most from both sets of parents was that the children's lives have just begun, and both sets of parents still need to contribute and escort them. What I saw the most was that both sets of parents asked the leaders of their respective units to take good care of their daughters or daughters-in-law. Then they started to build closer personal relationships, exchanged business cards, and while holding wine glasses, Zhouzhou's four elders had already made an appointment with our bank president for the next gathering. This is socializing, it is reality, it is social status, and it is also the manifestation of psychological value. Zhouzhou's parents and parents-in-law are still continuing to lay a solid foundation for their daughter and daughter-in-law. In the eyes of Zhouzhou's parents and parents-in-law, they are still a new couple, still naive, and still need them to make the foundation more solid and the interpersonal relationship network more stable. This is thinking, this is reality, and this new couple is still enjoying the protection and dedication of both sets of parents. Getting married is just the beginning, and both sets of parents still need to start from the beginning of the marriage, using the advantages of their respective families to make up for the disadvantages of the other family for the two children. Even in the eyes of ordinary people, a single family is already enviable, but several parents unanimously believe that they should strive to make their children better and lay a more solid foundation. This is the thinking of parents in the upper echelons of this society, their care and planning for their children. How could Zhouzhou not have a smooth life?
On the contrary, Zhiguo's parents think that they have worked hard, given their dedication to Zhiguo, and it is time for Zhiguo to give back to his younger brother. Zhiguo has grown up, graduated from university, got a job, got married, and bought a house. It is time for Zhiguo to reassure his parents and take responsibility for his younger brother. Compare the two. Where does Zhiguo's pressure come from? Where does Zhouzhou's comfort come from? Is it because Zhiguo's family is poor? Is it because Zhouzhou's family is superior? This is not a deep-seated problem. The deep-seated problem is the concept and the thinking. Are Zhouzhou's parents and parents-in-law and Zhiguo's parents different only because of material conditions? I don't think it is as simple and superficial as material. It is a complete manifestation of two thinking and value systems.
Writing here, I want to analyze these two thinking systems: Zhiguo's parents are not wrong, but they are relatively selfish. Why? Because it is understandable that Zhiguo's parents have worked hard all their lives and it is not easy to save money. However, attaching Zhiguo's younger brother to Zhiguo places a greater burden on Zhiguo, who is already in a relatively difficult situation in the city and has limited bearing capacity. In a relatively small house, there is a new couple, an elderly couple, and a younger brother. One can imagine the situation of Zhiguo and his wife. In this situation, Zhiguo's father is proud that he has supported a college student and made a down payment for a house. Naturally, he thinks it is time to enjoy Zhiguo's rewards (return). Zhiguo's filial piety also makes him feel that he should take on the responsibility of the family and his younger brother, and bring his parents to live with him. This is not simply a matter of human nature, but a thinking framework and a thinking system. This thinking system can have countless variations, which makes Zhiguo, who is already relatively difficult in the city, carry an even heavier burden. Everyone can predict with their toes whether Zhiguo's family conflicts will erupt. Given that Zhiguo is not highly emotionally intelligent, one can imagine what kind of life he will have with such a heavy burden. It is not that Zhiguo's parents are simply in poor conditions and have financial difficulties. What guides them is always thinking, a kind of thinking that can be simply understood as requiring rewards after giving. Giving birth to and raising children, and when a certain level of effort has been made for the children, the children must rewards. Although it is straightforward, this is the truth, and it is also an act of constantly shirking responsibility. However, when combined with filial piety, this becomes a system, and this system can have countless variations. The error of this thinking system is that parents start to demand and covet the children's rewardsbefore the children have reached a level where they can actually return. This is a problem of degree control. However, under this thinking system, the children are bound to struggle like an old ox pulling a broken cart, with each step more difficult than the last.
Zhouzhou's parents and parents-in-law have adopted a dedication-style guiding thinking system... After helping the children have a house, a car, and a job, they use their interpersonal relationship network to lay a solid foundation for the children and coordinate with the unit leaders. They understand that these two are still children and need further dedication after getting married to make their path smoother and more successful, and to use the relationship network of the two families to give the two children more support. Under this dedication-style guiding thinking system, after the children's necessary foundations are firmly established, the children will naturally have a smooth life and actually have the ability to give back to their parents. Zhouzhou's parents and parents-in-law are creating a virtuous cycle trajectory for life, while Zhiguo's parents are creating a vicious cycle trajectory for Zhiguo. These two thinking and value systems can determine the direction of a child's life.
The Story of Brother Baobao
Brother Baobao is a senior of mine. When I was admitted to this century-old university in my city ten years ago, it was Brother Baobao, a senior at that time, who received me as a new student. Even now, the memory is still vivid.
Brother Baobao got his nickname because his name contains the character "Bao". At that time, the people in his dormitory liked to call him "Baby". Brother Baobao was a good student, and his greatest advantage was that he was very neat. He always cleaned the dormitory without complaint and never cared about it with his roommates. Because Brother Baobao received me as a new student when I first entered the university, I naturally got close to him. Thus, I, a freshman, and Brother Baobao, a senior, became good friends. Brother Baobao had a very beautiful girlfriend named Lili. At that time, I envied Brother Baobao. I thought that since he was about to graduate and had a beautiful girlfriend, he would be able to live a very happy life after graduation. Every time I saw Brother Baobao and his girlfriend on campus, I would make a fuss and ask when Sister Lili was going to marry Brother Baobao. I thought it was fun to make a fuss, and they also seemed happy to hear my teasing. Ten years ago, I was still a lively and happy-go-lucky type. I often shamelessly went to Brother Baobao's dormitory to eat and drink for free. It was a simple age and a happy time. At that time, except for the insufficient living expenses and the occasional worry about exams, everything else was really simple and happy. My freshman year was also Brother Baobao's senior year when he had to make a graduation choice.
Brother Baobao did well in his studies, but when he was playing poker or playing football, I often heard Brother Baobao say that Lili was going to take the postgraduate entrance examination and also encouraged Brother Baobao to take the postgraduate entrance examination of our school. Brother Baobao was constantly discussing this topic with his friends, classmates, and roommates. Due to my age at that time, I didn't quite understand the difference between graduating with a bachelor's degree and working after graduating with a master's degree. At that time, I still thought that a master's degree must be great.