Chereads / Final Life: I Will Become a Goddess / Chapter 4 - Illusion of Choice

Chapter 4 - Illusion of Choice

[System Alert: Hidden Route name revealed, "Celestial Mountain Sect." Do you accept?]

I stare at the floating screen. There is no prompt this time because the sect leader is waiting for me to voice my gratitude and desire to live. Why give me the choice at all? I want to scream. The scent of sandal incense hangs heavy in the hall's air. I didn't notice before but it's suffocating now. 

I focus on the sect leader's face, the depth of the lines etched into weathered skin and a long, gnarled white beard. Wisps of long white hair are pulled back into the top knot popular among so many male cultivators. He's at least a few centuries old from the specks of energy sparking around him. Nascent Soul. If he was vain, he'd appear young but he reflects a sliver of his true age. Are his great children living here within this sect? Or has he abandoned family in pursuit of transcendence?

 His eyes are grey like storm clouds. Our eyes meet. I've yet to answer him and the growing silence is growing more tangible.

I die, this was all for nothing. I live, I can reach immortality and solve the mystery I never attempted to solve before - why the sect executed my family.

Everything depends on me living. 

I bow, if my hands were unbound I would place my right fist over my heart. 

I swallow, my mouth feels dry. I force my tone to be gracious, "I thank the honorable sect leader for his graciousness and the honor to join the Celestial Mountain Sect." I feel sick but I keep talking. "I accept your offer. I hope to bring honor to myself and the Celestial Mountain." 

Behind me, I hear a harsh exhale from the men who accompanied me here. 

"Raise your head, Sister Li Mei. We'll assign you a mentor after you've had time to recover from the evening. Brother Lubi and Qin Tao will ensure you get settled. This is probitionary, you will be under a spiritual restriction until we get a better sense of your abilities." The sect leader strokes his beard with a thoughtful nod. 

I lift my head. I see movement along the edges of my vision. I feel a weight settle in my shoulders as the elder makes a small movement of his hand causing my bounds to fall away. 

"Brothers, she is under your care now." 

"Yes, Elder Zhu." Their voices are respectful. I rub my wrists, grateful to have my hands free again. I bow with my new seniors and we depart the hall. My meeting adjourned with the only reasonable outcome presented. Even I am not so stubborn to die in my final life. Perhaps in a time where I knew I could retry it but not now. 

Lubi leads the way away from the hall towards a hall to the left, deeper into the forest. We're quiet until the wafting scent of incense yields to wet bamboo and soft earth. I rub my arms as I calm my nerves. The metaphysical weight lingers - a spiritual bound to restrict me from using cultivation techniques until they allow me. 

"Li Mei, are you all right?" Lubi asks, close to me but not touching me. 

"The restriction is like being wrapped in a heavy blanket. It doesn't hurt but it's uncomfortable." I reply with a frown. I notice his scent more clearly now we're in the forest - heavy with aromatic herbs and spirits. He smells of alchemical ingredients, which makles sense since he's been acting the role of healer.

"Interesting. I've never seen someone so sensitive to spiritual pressure," Lubi remarks. He looks to Qin Tao. 

"No disrespect to the dead but, they were foolish to dismiss you when you were younger," Qin Tao states with a firm nod. "I think you'll catch up quickly once you start training with our seniors, Sister Li Mei." He smiles at me and my ears feel hot. I press my thumb hard into the palm of my hand at my side. 

"If you're to keep an eye on me, I suppose I'll be sharing quarters with you both? That's unusual," I comment. Lubi looks away, rubbing the back of his neck. Qin Tao quirks a brow. 

"It'll be arranged so you are ensured some privacy, Li Mei. We want to keep you safe from any misunderstandings that'll come from what happened yesterday." Qin Tao starts to reach for me but thinks better of it, moving his hand into the sleeve of his robes. "No one will hurt you under our watch," there's a gentle kindness in his voice and a reassuring smile on his face. "I swear it."

But you will, is my silent response. We always end in ruin. If it settles into polite ambivalence this time around, it'd be a blessing. I don't dare hope for anything more. 

"No one will celebrate your destruction more than I, Li Mei!" Qin Tao's face as he mocked me as I died replaces the one looking at me. I take a small step back. 

My heart leaps into my throat and my face is hot. I look away at a blue and white bird perched on a bamboo leaf above us. It chirps and appraises me as it senses me. I focus on the weight of my feet on the soft earth, the way the wind brushes my cheeks and the sounds of the forest around me. 

One, two, three, four. Breathe. 

"It's peaceful here. There are sleeping quarters back here?" I offer finally to move my thoughts to something else. 

Lubi clears his throat. "Yes. The elders decided it was prudent to have us take up residence in a meditation room back here. There is a hot spring nearby that has restorative qualities. You've noticed the qi here?" 

I nod. "It's calming."

"Yes, it'll help your treatment to meditate and live out here."

"Treatment?" 

" Yes, you have a deviation in your roots. We can treat it so it won't impair your growth anymore. It'll be rough but it can be done."

"Is your alchemy that strong?"

He nods. "My mentor and our seniors will assist in your treatment. I'm monitoring your condition for the most part," Lubi grins. His posture relaxed as we come to closed red wooden gates set into a grey stone wall.

Lubi unlocks the gates, pushing them open and leading us beyond the secondary screen to a large courtyard framed by four well maintained buildings. I didn't expect a siheyuan. After I fled my parent's estate, I lived in a run down shack until I scraped enough together to get a room. This was something that my venerable family would live in. 

The Celestial Mountain Sect is quite wealthy indeed to have something like the emperor's inner palace on their compound. If I am really a prisoner, this is the most opulant cage they've afforded me. 

"We'll have lots of privacy, so please feel comfortable here, Li Mei." Lubi smiles. "There is a lovely little library and a garden, if you want the grand tour."

"I'd..." 

"Lubi, she probably wants a proper bath and a fresh set of robes," Qin Tao interjects. "We have time for the rest. Let's let her recover first." 

I close my mouth and look at Qin Tao for a moment. He'd spoken the very thing I was going to express. His expression is softer than it was before, thoughtful and relaxed. He offers me a small smile. 

Lubi's eyes widen and he chuckles awkwardly. He closes the gate behind us with a quiet click of the hasp.

"You're right, Qin Tao. Forgive me, Li Mei. The sleeping quarters are this way." He gestures to the main house, leading the way along a well maintained stone path inside. 

Qin Tao trails behind us, giving me space. He's at least considerate this life. Was he like this at this age in another life? What changed for him? What a difference...

I listen to the world around me. Birds call as wind rustles the bamboo around us. Beneath it is a soft hum, something like a lullaby. I step onto the threshold and there's a light tingling sensation that dances across my skin. The weight on my shoulders eases, leaving behind a knot of tension between my shoulders. I breath easier. 

I understand why I've been sent to this place. It's a tranquility node. It would take a great deal of power to violate the non-violence restrictions imposed by the wards within these walls. The guys walk in behind me, watching my reactions as I stretch my arms. I don't doubt the elders have tasked them with reporting all of my actions and reactions to this place.

It's like my father told me, True tests never end. It's a lie we tell to lure people into a false sense of security. 

Even if this is all an illusion, I can play along. I was offered joining the sect or death, no matter how nice the walls I'm still a prisoner. I can't let myself forget this fact. Everything they offer comes with an expectation of me. I have something they want - my diabolic technique. 

Lubi shows me my quarters. "Here Li Mei, take your time. There are fresh clothes for you. Just shout if you need anything." He smiles and steps away.

Qin Tao glances around the room before he looks at me. He's quiet, his brows furrowed as he tries to find the right words for his thoughts. He purses his lips together as the right corner curls up into a half smile. "We'll get dinner ready. You... don't need to be formal with us here. You're now one of us. I'm going to protect you," his tone is soft, measured. The way the light in his eyes shines says he's sincere.

"Thank you. I won't be long." I smile and his expression brightens. I make a shooing motion as he withdraws from the room. Qin Tao takes one last look at me as he shuts the sliding door behind him.

This is going to be more awkward than I thought.