I realized that my feelings for Asia weren't just a crush on a pretty woman. It was something deeper. It was a struggle with something I wasn't even fully aware of. My dream showed me how I unconsciously felt like Ryan — consumed with jealousy, resentment, anger at being an outsider, an accidental intruder in their lives.
In reality, they were a couple, their relationship was their personal space. I was an outside observer, and perhaps all my thoughts, feelings, and worries were simply a reflection of how I experienced my role in their story. I became the one who inadvertently climbed into someone else's picture, who filled a space that should not have belonged to me. And this realization felt bitter, as if I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
But in real life, everything was as it was. I was just a neighbor, and it didn't matter what was happening in my head or in my dreams. All I could do was try to regain my peace and not think about what I couldn't change.
I went downstairs feeling a little lost, as if all these feelings that were tormenting me needed some kind of explanation. I walked through the hall and found myself in the dining room. Asia was sitting there, alone. She looked a little embarrassed, as if she was hiding something, but she was trying to remain calm.
When she noticed me, her gaze flickered to the side for a moment, as if she didn't want me to see her eyes. It was strange. It seemed like she was trying to hide something.
"He's on a business trip for three days," she said of Ryan, briefly and seemingly a little faster than usual.
Her voice was even, but I noticed how she quickly looked away, trying to hide some embarrassment or even anxiety. She was clearly not in her mood.
I didn't know how to react. She said it so calmly, that she was probably trying to convince me that everything was okay, but her eyes, her gestures, everything in her behavior said something else. Something was wrong.
I sat down at the table, but all these thoughts started swirling around in my head again. Why was she acting like that? Why did it seem like there was hidden pain or anxiety in her gaze? And was I really the only one who noticed it?
I felt that something was changing in her life, and this change seemed to concern me too. But I didn't know how to understand it all correctly. All I wanted to do was go up to her, ask her what was going on, but I knew she wouldn't say. She could be hiding something, as often happens, but... I couldn't shake the feeling that I was somehow involved in her experiences.
I went up to my room, feeling something bubbling inside me that needed to be released. Like the words I had been holding back for so long were trying to get out. I closed the door, glanced around the room, and then grabbed the recorder I had bought back in town, not really thinking about why I needed it.
I turned on the recording and started talking. At first, quietly, almost in a whisper, as if I was afraid that someone might hear.
"I don't understand what's happening to me... Why her? Why Asia? I don't know anything about her, only... only what I see. But her eyes, her voice... It's driving me crazy. She's like a riddle that I can't solve."
My words grew louder, my voice gained strength. I didn't realize how much emotion was washing over me. I spoke as if I was trying to explain this to someone who might understand, even though there was no one in the room.
"It's not right," I said, almost screaming. "She's married. She's not for me. She has Ryan. And yet I can't stop thinking about her. Every look she gives me, every word she says, it's like they're meant for me, even if they're not! I'm… I'm going crazy with this love!"
I stopped, feeling my heart pounding and my chest tightening with tension. It felt like I was talking to an invisible psychologist who was listening to all this, but not giving advice. Just letting me talk.
"Why did she hide her eyes at breakfast? What does it mean? Is she feeling something? Or am I just seeing things that aren't there?" I continued. "Maybe I've gone too far in my fantasies? This is just life. And who am I? Nobody. Just a neighbor who thinks about her in a way he shouldn't.
With each word I felt myself freeing myself from this heaviness, as if I were pulling it out of myself. But with this came the realization that I didn't know what to do next. How to live with this love that was never meant to exist?
The tape recorder continued to spin, making a soft, mechanical sound. This small, emotionless device simply recorded everything I said, without caring about my emotions, my suffering. It was not an ally, not someone who could understand me. It was simply fulfilling its soulless task, and this made my anger grow.
I looked at it as if it were a mockery of my feelings. This tiny object was my only listener, but it remained completely indifferent. How dare it? How could everything be so indifferent to what was boiling inside me?
I hit the button angrily, turning it off, and then, without thinking, threw it out the window. The glass clinked dully as the recorder flew past and disappeared behind the frame. I heard a dull thud as it landed somewhere below, perhaps on the ground or in the bushes.
For a moment I froze, realizing what I had done. But I didn't care. This gesture seemed like the only way to get rid of what was weighing on me. I just couldn't take it anymore.
I sank down on the bed, burying my face in my hands. The emotions raged inside me, and the room fell silent again, leaving me alone with this unbearable pain.
I lay on my bed, feeling like I was in a hell of my own making. Everything inside me was clenching, pulsating, as if it wouldn't let me breathe or move. But eventually I forced myself to get up.
I walked up to the window and looked out. My eyes immediately went to the grass below the window. I expected to see the tape recorder there, which I had thrown down in a fit of rage a minute ago. Its black case should have stood out against the green grass. But... there was nothing there.
I frowned. Maybe he fell into the bushes? Or rolled away somewhere? But that seemed odd. I saw him fly out the window. He had to be there.
I opened the window wider and looked out, trying to get a better look. Empty. Was I wrong? Or had someone already picked him up? I froze for a moment, feeling a strange anxiety begin to rise from within. Why wasn't he there?
At that moment, there was a knock. Muffled, short, but distinct. I froze, turning my head toward the door, as if afraid that the sound would be repeated. But it did not disappear from my memory - as if its echoes were still vibrating in the air.
Who could have been knocking? Ryan was gone. Robots never knocked. It wasn't their way. They just showed up. Maybe it was... My heart started beating faster and a little chill spread through me as I thought about it.
I took a step toward the door, but froze. The knock came again. This time louder, more demanding. As if someone or something was waiting for me to react.
My hand was shaking as I reached for the handle. I slowly turned it and opened the door slightly...
Asia was standing behind the door. She was holding my recorder. I froze, unable to believe my eyes. She looked at me silently, as if trying to understand what was happening. Her face was calm, but in her eyes there was a strange mixture of curiosity and confusion.
"Is this yours?" she finally asked, holding out the recorder.
Her voice was soft, but I heard a note in it... like she was trying to figure out why he was out there. I didn't know what to say. Too much had flashed through my head in those few seconds. I wanted to ask how she found him, but my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth.
"I saw this on the lawn," she continued, trying to fill the silence. "Did you throw it away?"
I quickly took the recorder from her hands, not knowing where to look - into her eyes or at this damn device.
"Yes... that is..." I muttered. "It just... fell out by accident."
"By accident?" She raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing my answer, but didn't press the issue. Instead, she added, "I hope nothing important was damaged."
Her gaze lingered on me a little longer than I expected. I felt myself blushing, but there was nothing I could do about it. Asia slowly turned and walked away, leaving me standing in the doorway with the recorder in my hands and my heart beating wildly from this brief encounter.
I closed the door, stared at the recorder, and a cold sweat covered my face. It was still running. What if she listened to the recording?
I stood in the middle of the room, clutching that damn recorder, which seemed to mock me with its silence. My thoughts raced, each darker than the last. If Asia had listened to the recording... if she knew what I had said...
I didn't want to even imagine it. My secret, all my feelings, all the words I'd spoken in despair, could now belong to someone else. And even if she hadn't listened, this device still seemed like a symbol of my shame.
Without thinking, I picked up the recorder and slammed it hard against the corner of the table. There was a crunching sound and the plastic cracked. I hit it again and again until the insides of the device crumbled into pieces.
When it was all over, I stood there, breathing heavily, looking at the wreckage. But as I destroyed the recorder, I knew that if Asia heard the recording, it didn't matter. The words, once spoken, would never go away. Nor would the feelings I'd tried so hard to hide.
It was like mustard after dinner. It was too late. It had already happened, and I couldn't change anything.
I decided to go for a walk. To leave the room, to leave this stuffy cocoon of my thoughts. I didn't see Asia in the corridor, and I was even a little grateful for that. Her presence now seemed too much of a trial.
I went down, crossed the terrace and found myself in the courtyard of the villa. Here everything looked completely different. The sunlight flooded the spacious lawn, the greenery shimmered in golden reflections, and somewhere in the distance a small fountain quietly babbled.
The air was fresh, filled with the scent of flowers and foliage, and it did not contain any of the tension I felt inside. The villa was magnificent, surrounded by tall trees, as if hidden from the whole world.
I walked along the path leading to a small gazebo where you could sit and just look into the distance. Everything in the yard was perfect, as if created so that a person could rest not only his body, but also his soul.
For a moment I felt better. It seemed that in this peace and beauty I could forget everything - both my feelings and my fear of being exposed. Even the thought of Asia stopped tormenting me so much.
I sat down on the bench in the gazebo, leaning my elbows on the cool wooden railing, and closed my eyes. Let this peace engulf me, if only for a moment.
Sitting in the gazebo, I suddenly remembered that there was a swimming pool on the villa's territory. The robot had mentioned it when he was talking about the amenities, but I had completely forgotten about it in my worries. The thought of cool water suddenly seemed like salvation to me.
I stood up and walked slowly down the path, heading towards the back of the yard. There, behind a neat hedge, was a swimming pool. The water was crystal clear, the surface shimmering slightly in the sunlight. There were lounge chairs around it, and a white umbrella swayed over one of them, adding shade.
I took off my shoes, walked to the very edge and put my hand in the water. It was cool but pleasant. It seemed that all I had to do was dive in and all the tension would wash away.
Looking around, I realized that there was no one around. Even the robots, usually present everywhere, seemed to be deliberately avoiding this area. It was the perfect moment to be alone with myself.
I quickly returned to the room, changed into swimming shorts, and soon found myself standing by the pool. Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the water, and a cold silken stream enveloped me. I swam, dove, as if trying to wash away all thoughts of Asia, of Ryan, of what had happened.
The water was truly calming. It enveloped me in its silence, as if only here could I find true peace.
I was floating in the pool, feeling the water wash away some of the tension from the last few days. Finally, sated with the coolness, I climbed out, drying myself with a towel, when I heard the light sound of footsteps behind me. Turning around, I saw Asia. She was standing at the edge of the pool, bending slightly to test the water with her hand.
"It's hot!" she cried, jerking her hand away. Her face took on a surprised, even slightly alarmed expression.
I frowned. The water had indeed been cool when I entered, but something must have gone wrong with the system.
"I'll figure it out," I said quickly, nodding to her. "I need to pour some cold water."
She looked at me as if she didn't know whether to believe me or not, but she nodded anyway.
I, without wasting time, ran towards the technical block, where, according to the robot, the water supply control valves were located. Having reached the panel, I began to frantically figure out which of the levers was responsible for cooling the pool.
Knobs, buttons, indicators—it all looked like the dashboard of a spaceship. I turned one of the taps, then another, checking to see if the water temperature would change. The water gradually cooled, but the system was capricious: either I had added too much cold water, or something else had gone wrong.
Returning to the pool, I saw Asia looking at the surface of the water, frowning slightly.
"Is everything okay?" I asked, coming closer.
"I think so. The temperature is normal now," she said, looking at me, but there was a hint of doubt in her voice.
"Sorry about that," I added. "The system must be acting up a bit."
She smiled a little shyly and nodded.
"Thank you for helping," she replied quietly.
I stood by the pool, feeling like a spare part. Asia started to climb into the water, and I suddenly realized that I didn't know where to go. Leave? It seemed like the right thing to do, but my legs wouldn't obey. It was as if an invisible force was holding me in place.
I turned away, trying to give her privacy, but I could still hear her entering the water. The sound of soft waves, the quiet splash, her careful movements. Every sound echoed in me with a strange feeling - a mixture of tenderness and pain.
My back felt like it was on fire, knowing she was so close. I couldn't let myself look, but I couldn't leave either. Something kept me here, maybe the hope that this moment would somehow connect us. Somehow.
I pretended to admire the garden beyond the pool. My hands were shaking nervously, but I tried not to show my state. She was so close, but she seemed unattainable. And this gap between us only increased the gravity of my situation.
The water splashed a little louder. She must have floated. I closed my eyes to keep myself from turning around and clenched my teeth, fighting to just walk away.
When the silence returned, I couldn't hold back any longer. I turned around carefully and saw Asia standing at the edge of the pool, already wrapped in a white robe. Water was dripping from her hair and her face had a thoughtful expression, as if she was far away from this moment, her mind somewhere else.
I felt something heavy pressing on my chest. She wasn't looking at me, and I felt awkward. It seemed like I was out of place again.
"Are you finished?" she asked, her voice quiet, almost inaudible.
I nodded, trying to hide how awkward I felt. Everything inside me screamed at me to say something, but the words seemed stuck. I felt like this moment between us was dragging on too long, and I needed to do something. But she stood there, just staring into space, as if she was waiting for something—not from me, but from something that remained beyond this villa, beyond this beautiful but empty world.
"Is everything okay?" I couldn't help but ask, even though the answer was obvious.
But I wanted to hear her voice, to somehow fill this unpleasant vacuum. She sighed, turning her head slightly, and finally met my gaze. Her eyes were dark, deep, like the night itself.
"Yes, everything is fine," she said, but not with the confidence I expected.
At that moment, everything around me seemed to disappear. I couldn't hold back any longer, and without thinking about the consequences, I stepped towards her. I came so close that I could almost feel her breath, and without realizing what I was doing, I began to kiss her. Everything happened as if in a fog - she was like a statue, motionless and cold. I lost control. My hands reached for her shoulders, but she remained absolutely serene. As if neither her body nor her gaze responded to my actions.
I pulled away from her, feeling a growing sense of unease, but her eyes hadn't changed. They were empty, like the eyes of someone who was somewhere far away, somewhere else. She didn't pull away, but she didn't answer me either. My heart started pounding faster, and I realized that I might have done something completely inappropriate. There was a lump in my throat. She wasn't saying anything, and the silence was more frightening than any answer.
"I'm sorry," I finally said, trying to justify what had happened, although I didn't know how that was possible. "I didn't mean to… I…"
But she didn't answer again. Her silence was like a wall that I couldn't get past.
She turned and walked away without a word. I stood there, rooted to the spot, unable to move. My hands were cold and my heart was beating so loudly it seemed like it could be heard all over the world. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. Everything that was happening seemed too confusing to comprehend. I didn't follow her, didn't try to stop her. I just stood there, as if I had forgotten how to breathe. My mind, like hers, was distant, unable to contain the reality of what I had just done.
Silently, emotionlessly, I began to climb the steps back into the house. Only questions were ringing in my head. What did I want to prove with this? Why didn't she push me away, why didn't she tell me that I was wrong? Maybe I would have felt better if she had said something to me, at least commented on this act. But silence only added fuel to the fire.
I walked into my room, closed the door behind me and collapsed onto my bed. Lying on my back, I tried to find at least a brief moment of peace, but my thoughts would not give me rest. They rushed one after another, like stormy waves, rolling over me. Turning over on my side, I closed my eyes, but not a single one of these thousands of questions disappeared. Why didn't she push me away? Why didn't she stop me? Maybe I understood everything wrong? Maybe I'm not alone in my feelings? Or, on the contrary, everything I did only emphasizes how wrong I was? After all, I didn't know how it looked from her side. I wanted to be with her, but now what? Time dragged on slowly, and sleep did not come. The room became too cramped, and the emptiness inside continued to grow, enveloping me. I lay there, not knowing how to fix everything.