Ever been asked a question where you have too many options on how to answer it that it leaves you stunned like you have nothing to reply to that?.
Philip became speechless for a minute but, when he saw fear in Aiden's eyes then he knew he had to say the first thing. Movies be damned, food to hell, he had a good lay to fight for.
"Do I have to remind you on how much our schedules clashed before?" Asked Philip like Aiden's question was the dumbest of them all to the point even Aiden started to believe that.
"Was it because we are gay?" Asked Aiden trying to understand himself on the reason why they never saw a movie together for two years in their relationship until that night?. What could be so important than his boyfriend?.
"Baby I'm the gay one here and I learned to live with that since way before you were even born" Replied Philip confidently but, all Aiden ever observed so far was Philip's uneasiness to his affections to him but, he didn't want to press on him on that matter.
"Was it because of Mia then?" Asked Aiden once more trying to find a reason.
"Far from it actually. I had the bar at night and acting projects whenever possible, and you had your..." Trailed off Philip with his hands flaring desperately as if his mind was coming up with many jobs to do with deals. Yes, his only option was Aiden to finish the sentence for him.
"College? My freelancing gigs? My apps? My TA duties? Church? What excuse did I use to make it seem okay?" Asked Aiden feeling worse with everything that ever took his time.
Philip's only expectation was for Aiden to at least say what he was doing whenever he goes out so, Philip would have a clue on what to say or do the next time but, now? He felt cruel. He made the guy hate himself for literally nothing!.
"It's just that our time clashed! Whenever you wanted to meet, I was busy and whenever I was free you were swamped with work" Said Philip pleadingly, "And plus, I was afraid to meet with you because of your church upbringing"
"My church was your obstacle to be with me?" Asked Aiden like that fear was so far fetched.
"I don't know! I never met anyone true to God and still love the same gender and having sex before marriage. You are the first" Said Philip bityerly but, most of them were because he hated imagining him and Mia getting married.
"Yeah... I don't really live my Christian teachings, do I?" Asked Aiden feeling guilty anew and an unfamiliar feeling altogether like he was wearing a mask or hiding behind or impersonating someone he's not. Just an imposter. He felt like he was living in a dirty lie. Like he was a sin only wish to clean himself behind God.
"No, you don't" Answered Philip cautiously, Really hoping whatever came between them would just vanish. He hated serious situations.
He never had to address each and every little thing when he was with Stanley. So, yeah he didn't know what to do.
"Whatever I'm going to say now to refute that would be nothing but, a lie. An excuse nonetheless" Started Aiden sincerely, "But, I believe in God and I'm here right now with you because, I was supposed to be right here with you"
"It's not a sin? Being a homosexual, I mean?" Asked Philip curiously.
"It could be" Replied Aiden with a shrug and a smile confusing Philip, "What does that mean?"
"Only God can answer that and I'm not it" Replied Aiden casually.
"It was written in the bible! Are you really a Christian?" Asked Philip in an accusatory manner.
"Yes, it was and yes, I'm a Christian by religion. And I do believe there is a God watching over us. Making all the things beyond our knowledge possible but, I have my doubts like any other person out there! I don't want to believe because, I was born to it rather, I want to believe because, there's something to believe in" Explained Aiden making it hard for Philip to understand him.
"So you don't believe on the church and the bible?" Asked Philip confused making it for Aiden to explain to Philip that nothing is black and white or yes and no.
"I'm simply trying to get my questions answered just like how you are doing now to me" Replied Aiden sincerely.
"That doesn't excuse your behaviour and outcome with Mia" Said Philip wounding where it hurts.
"I know. I'll find a way to live with that" Answered Aiden with a sigh.
"What if she spread rumours about you. About us?" Asked Philip now he was scared. What if his lust becomes Aiden's downfall?.
"They won't be rumours if they are true" Replied Aiden with a shrug. He truly didn't give two rats about what they say about him.
"You are not afraid of repercussions? You are a student and a teaching assistant! What would your clients think about you?" Asked Philip in shock.
"Good thing there's no sexuality check box in a CV then" Answered Aiden with a laugh before he held Philip's hands in his in assurance, "We could be dead the next second why should we stop living now?"
"You are crazy" Commented Philip smiling a little at that.
"I'm glad I'm your type then" Retorted Aiden without missing a beat making Philip laugh at his reply, "Boy, that was good!"
"Seriously though. If you are not comfortable out there I wish we could be free inside these walls" Said Aiden seriously looking around.
"We are two men living under the same roof, Aiden. It doesn't take much to piece the puzzle" Informed Philip the obvious.
"We could be college flatmates" Retorted Aiden with a shrug.
"You have a role and a place in this society. Don't fuck that up. Not for me in the least" Said Philip near tears making Aiden swallow his come back and kiss Philip on the forehead instead.
"Let's go at your pace. I'm selfish and impatient most of the time, please bear with me" Said Aiden after the kiss making Philip cry more.
Aiden was being unfair to Philip's tender heart. What would happen if he let what to come, come?.