February 4, 2015.
Today is the New Year, and once again, it's just me and Susan at home.
It seems like I've always been the extra one.
Thank goodness for Susan.
...
March 2, 2015.
School started, and it seems like nothing special happened today.
March 10, 2015.
My deskmate was diagnosed with depression, and she took a leave of absence.
Before she left, she told me she was going to do what she wanted to do.
She went traveling.
That's pretty cool.
I hope she can be happy.
April 6, 2015.
I suddenly fainted today, and I heard from them that it's stomach cancer.
I won't live more than three years at most.
They finally came back, and they're arguing outside the door again.
They blame each other for not caring about me.
They think I can't hear them.
But I can hear everything.
Their focus seems wrong; shouldn't they ask about me first?
May 6, 2015.
Suddenly, I feel like this kind of life is also quite meaningless, as if there's nothing to hold onto.
It hurts every day, it's worse than death.
Just dying suddenly would be fine too.
Sometimes I wonder why fate is always so unfair?
I want to leave.
I really want to leave.
It's very painful.
In the evening, I listened to Susan talk a lot, and I threw away that piece of broken glass.
I can't make the people who care about me sad.
I can't bear to leave Susan, nor can I bear to leave Chloe.
But I'm in so much pain.
Everywhere.
...
July 12, 2015.
I made a decision, I want to go to City A.
I want to see what my favorite city looks like.
...
September 1, 2015.
Today is my first day at Liu Zhong.
The new head teacher is very kind, and I asked him to keep my illness a secret. I don't want to live under the pity of others.
I don't want others to pity me because of my illness and let me have my way everywhere.
There is only one empty seat in the class, and the new deskmate is a boy.
I heard that the new deskmate is the school bully, very fierce.
He said his name is William, and his tone is very cold.
Just like the rumors.
He didn't have a book in English class, so he gave me his book and stood as punishment.
He doesn't seem as heartless as the rumors suggest.
The person in front of me kept shaking their leg, and he said, "Stop shaking your leg or get out."
He's fierce, but the table finally stopped shaking.
September 3, 2015.
Today is the day for chemotherapy.
It's hard to breathe, and the pain is so bad that I can't straighten my waist. I might not be able to stay in school for much longer.
I just went out to a secluded place and saw something I shouldn't have.
My new deskmate, he was fighting.
He asked me if I was scared.
I really was scared.
It seemed like the principal was coming, and I lied to him, saying he was sending me to the entrance.
He said I was quite righteous.
Why does he call me "little classmate"?
I'm not little.
September 7th.
He was really fierce today.
Today, a girl came to me and told me to stay away from William.
Maybe she likes William.
But she is indeed quite good-looking.
...
Today, they argued again.
Mom made chicken soup for me, but it was too greasy, and I vomited again.
September 8th.
The head teacher asked me how it was sitting with him, and he was very quiet.
It's good to sit together.
The boy in front of me is very tall, and I can't see the blackboard. He threw a note to me and was kicked out by the teacher. The teacher misunderstood him, and the words were very harsh.
It's because of me, so I must explain it clearly.
During the evening study, he rubbed his stomach, and it seems that he also has a stomach problem.
I gave him the stomach medicine I used to carry with me.
September 9th.
The school suddenly spread that William hit someone. Although we haven't been together for a long time, I don't think he is such a person.
Someone committed suicide on the rooftop.
There are many opinions, and other classes are spreading that he bullied classmates and drove a girl to suicide.
Shouldn't we wait for the results before making a judgment?
He said he doesn't care.
But no one should like being misunderstood.
It's not him after all, but the matter doesn't seem to be that simple.
He must be protecting the girl's reputation.
Chloe came to school today. She resigned and came to City A.
How did she know? I miss her too.
September 11th.
It rained heavily at noon.
I rushed into the rain, but suddenly there was an umbrella over my head. I looked back and saw him.
I can't describe that feeling; he gave me the umbrella and said let's share it.
In physical education class, I lent my coat to the pretty girl before, and she gave me milk and water.
She's a bit proud, but quite cute.
She asked me to deliver water for her, and I agreed.
William didn't accept it, saying he wanted water that I bought.
I bought it, but why does he seem to be angry and laughing?
In the evening, when I came out of the bookstore, I saw him fighting again.
I was just about to leave when I saw him turn back.
He asked if I'm not scared this time?
Well, I'm still scared.
He asked if I want to add each other on Instagram, little classmate.
He also asked if I think he's bullying people?
But it's clearly that so many people hit him first.
...
September 14th.
I feel that he seems very unhappy.
...
September 21st.
I had stomach pain today, and I thought no one would notice, but he noticed.
I fainted on the road and woke up in the infirmary.
The doctor said he carried me here.
It seems I've troubled him many times.
I think he shouldn't be like this; he should live in the sunshine and not be so decadent, so I want to persuade him, and he calls me "little old-fashioned."
I just ate his candy, and then he said that if he calls me "little old-fashioned" from now on, I shouldn't be angry.
Suddenly, I want to spit out the candy.
...
September 22nd.
The power went out during the evening study.
He asked if I was scared.
I pretended to be calm and said I wasn't scared.
Suddenly, there was a small spark in front of me, and he said this was all he had.
It feels like my heart has been pried open a little.
September 23rd.
We were punished to sweep together.
...
January 4, 2016.
He told me not to take care of him.
He begged me.
Let me give up on him.
...
January 8, 2016.
This is my last time dancing on stage, and I hope he can see it.
But he doesn't seem to have come.
I saw someone today who looked like him, very much like him.
It seems to be him.
...
Coco stretched out her furry paw, wanting to reach out and brush away the tears on his face.
William felt suffocated, turning back the remaining diary pages bit by bit.
April 9, 2016.
Today, William confessed to me, and I can't describe the feeling.
I'm happy, but also unhappy.
I am a dying person.
I have no future, and I can't promise him.
...
William looked at the words "dying person" and felt a strong sourness in his heart.
...
January 27, 2017.
We celebrated the New Year together today.
It might be the last time.
May 31st.
Mr. Johnson said that the graduation photo will be taken on June 6th, but can I hold on until that day?
June 6th.
I saw him today, took the graduation photo, and I know it might be the last time.
I'm reluctant to leave.
I'm reluctant to leave Susan, Chloe, and even more reluctant to leave him.
...
The diary ends abruptly on June 6, 2017.
The handwriting at the end of the diary is very different from before, and it's clear that it was written with difficulty.
At the very end, there are words Ellie left for him.
It seems that every word was written with great effort.
She said: I hope you can live as freely and unrestrained as your name suggests, without being bound by anyone.
Don't be sad about my departure; people always have to part ways. Birth, aging, sickness, and death are all experiences that we will go through, sooner or later.
I'm very conflicted; I hope you remember me, but I also hope you don't remember me.
If we have fate, let's meet again in the next life.
I have no chance to go to college, so no matter which university you go to in the future, take my share and study on.