Dean didn't have to call Alex. Ten minutes after Allie had fallen asleep, he walked into her room.
Dean stood up and stopped him before he made it completely in. Allie was fast asleep in her drug-induced haze. Dean pushed the button on the PCA, got up, and then shoved Alex by the chest into the hallway.
"What the hell are you doing here? How did you even get in here?" Dean asked, his teeth clenched. "You are not authorized to be here. I should know; I wrote the list."
Alex slapped Dean's hand off his chest.
"Well, first of all, I'm a sergeant with the CPD. I didn't have any issues getting in," he said. "Second, you seem to have forgotten that I am her boyfriend, and I have a right to see her. And third, fuck your list because you have as much right to make an authorized list for her as the fucking janitor. Want to know what the last thing she said to me was? Be safe. I love you, and for the love of God, come home to me. I don't want to lose you again. Then she kissed me passionately like we do every time we leave each other. So that is what the hell I am doing here. You fucking asshole."
"You need to leave. She doesn't want to see you. She doesn't need a replacement for me anymore. She didn't even ask for you when she first woke up like you assumed she would. I'm back, and we are having a baby. There is no room for you in her life anymore. Thanks for keeping my place till I could get back into town."
"I'm sorry, what did you just say? You think I was a replacement? Even if you are right, I was the second person she told she was pregnant. I was there to hold her when she cried over you. I was there when WE found out that Peanut was a baby girl. I was the man who first felt that little Peanut kick. YOU were fucking other women while I held her while she cried because she missed her. I am the guy who literally carried her out of Muldoon's when Stanford was hitting on her."
"And look how good you were at protecting her. You were at work, not protecting her. You failed," Dean said.
"You were snorting coke and shooting up. So, which one of us was really in the wrong here? I was at work making the streets safer. You were at work having mindless sex."
Dean pushed him, but Alex did not waver. He shoved him back. Suddenly, they started a shoving match. Right there in the hallway at her door.
"You need to go," Dean said.
"The fuck I do!"
"She doesn't need you. Do you need me to say it in Spanish?"
"You can say it in Mandarin for all I care. I still don't give a fuck. I know she wants me here. So, it would be best if you left before I have you removed," Alex said.
"You can't kick me out."
"I can and I will. I know every security officer in this building. All I have to do is tell them we have an unwelcome drug addict roaming the hospital."
"I am an FBI agent. I trump you."
"Really? That's not what I heard from Curtis. He told me that you called your supervisor and resigned. If you had done it months ago, you could have been here to support the mother of your child."
"You need to shut your fucking mouth before I permanently shut it for you."
"Really? Like, I haven't heard that threat before. So, you're going to what? Punch me in the face in the middle of the hallway?"
Dean said, "We can go outside if you prefer. Either way, you're leaving her room. Comprende? Ese?"
"Are you fucking kidding me right now! What is your fucking malfunction, Carron? I never did shit to you, yet you seem to have this vendetta against me. Is it all about jealousy? Is it because I am with Allie? Is it because I was with her long before you ever met her? Is it because she came back to me because she never stopped loving me? Maybe it is because you know that you hurt her so badly that she'll have no problem stopping loving you."
He stepped up to him, and they were almost face to face.
"I could never be jealous of a little prick like you," Dean said.
"There is nothing little about me. Ask Allie if you don't believe me. Comprende ese?" Alex said, poking Dean in the chest and moving his neck like a woman with attitude.
Dean flexed his fingers then balled them into a fist; he was one second away from attempting to land the punch.
Peggy quickly came up to them. She pushed them apart and had a hand on each chest.
"I am only going to say this once. On this floor, I am God. Do you understand me?" she spoke in a loud, frustrated whisper.
"Yes, ma'am," they said together.
"Here's the deal, gentleman. I decide who comes and who goes. I decide who stays and who leaves. That's what a head nurse does. She takes care of her patients' best interests. Neither of you are going to be allowed in here if you keep this shit up because it is not in Allie's best interest. Do you understand?"
"Yes ma'am."
"I know that girl in there would highly disapprove of this little pissing match. I know about both of you. I know exactly who you are and what you mean to her and that baby. I suggest you both grow up and put shit aside because her happiness takes priority over either of you. So, cut it out. Not to mention that if she feels stressed, that baby feels stressed. Keep that in mind. Now both of you, man the fuck up, or am I going to have to give you both a shot of Ativan? In your ass!"
"No, ma'am," said Alex.
She looked at Dean.
"No, ma'am. I apologize for my behavior," Dean replied.
She walked into Allie's room.
"You think she's going to tell her about all this? You do know that we can be in big fucking trouble."
"She won't. She doesn't want to upset her or the baby. Right?" Dean said.
"Do you have any idea how—"
Peggy came out of the room.
"You are both screwed, She's awake. She heard the entire thing. You both are in some deep shit. And that is a direct quote from her."
Peggy walked back to the nurse's station.
"Why did you have to start something?" Dean said angrily.
"Me? Are you that fucking obtuse? Why did you have to be born?" Alex retorted.
"You're a prick, Alvarez!" Dean said.
"Well, you're an asshole, Carron!"
Allie called from the room. "Would the asshole and the prick get their perfect little butts in here, please? Now!"
"God, I hate you," Dean said.
"Trust me, the feeling is mutual."
They both tried to get through the door at the same time. Dean, with his twenty-three-inch shoulder span, and Alex, with his twenty-two-inch shoulder span, were trying to get through a thirty-six-inch door frame. It was almost comical. They elbowed, pushed, and shoved each other until they fell through the door.
Allie looked at them. Two of the best-looking men she had ever met were bickering like two little boys. She felt a pang in her chest. She loved them both. She wanted to hate Dean, but when she woke up to his face, she felt the love rush back into her like a drug through her veins. The sudden release of dopamine in her brain was intoxicating. She felt awful for Alex. She loved him so much. He had done nothing ever to hurt her. All he wanted was for her to be happy. He never lied to her, cheated on her, or left her. He only loved her. Pure, untarnished love. Her face lit up when she saw him.
"Alex. Mi Vida, I have missed you so much!"
She tried reaching out for him but only moved her arms slightly.
He rushed to her bedside. He got down on his knees.
"What's wrong, Cara Mia?"
"I can't move my body, but the doctor said it should get better in time," she said. "Dean, can you push the button for me, please?"
"Sure. Whatever you want." He pressed the button. "Better?"
"A bit. The pain is getting worse, but I know I'll be turning the corner soon. It has to get worse before it gets better."
"Why don't I go tell Peggy? Maybe she can do something about it."
"I did. She set a higher dose. You know, while you two were doing your best impressions of a kindergartener," she said, smiling.
They both avoided her gaze.
"I'm sorry Cara Mia."
"I'm sorry Buttercup."
"Dean, I need some time with Alex. Please give us some privacy. Shut the door on your way out."
Dean looked extremely unhappy and nervous, but he complied with her request.
She looked at Alex. He was wearing her favorite shirt- a lilac button-down with a black T-shirt underneath. He smelled like Aramis. He looked aged. His dark chocolate-colored eyes looked dull. At least two days of growth on his face. She could tell he had not been sleeping well.
"Why didn't you come yesterday? I asked Dean to call you."
"He did call me. But he told me that you did not want me here. He told me you no longer needed a replacement for him because he was back. And he made it a point to remind me that Peanut was not mine. He also did not mention that you could not move," Alex explained. "Allie, please tell me I was not a replacement for him. I don't think I could handle that."
"Oh, dear God, no. Please don't think anything like that. I am with you because I love you. These past seven and a half months could have been disastrous if you were not here for me."
"I don't understand why you are letting him back into your life. You need to tell him to leave. Drop him like a bad habit. You know I love you. You know I can take care of you both."
"I know. I also know you have yet to come over here and kiss me, please. I've craved your kiss," she said.
"I am so sorry. I didn't know if you felt good enough."
"Oh, Mi Vida. I don't care how much it would hurt. If I were in excruciating pain, which I am, I would bear it so that I could feel your lips on mine. Kissing you is the last thing I remember."
He saw Dean peering through the window on the door. Alex waved for him to come back in.
Dean opened the door and walked in just as Alex bent over and passionately kissed Allie. It lasted quite a while. Dean just stood there and watched.
She wanted to put her hand on his face. She missed him so much. Although she had only been awake for a short time, it felt like years had passed. She hadn't spent a night or a day without him for months.
When their kiss ended, Allie realized Dean was in the room.
"Really. You waved me back in so I could watch you kiss her. You are such a fucking prick." Dean said with great animosity.
"Language," Allie scolded.
Alex sat down.
Dean came over and kissed her on the nose.
"I love you," he said. "I'm sorry."
"I know, cowboy. Can you please get me some ice chips? My mouth is so dry, and I am still NPO."
"As you wish."
He kissed her on the nose and left the room.
"I'm so sorry, Allie. I should have been there for you. I should have been home. I am so angry at myself for going to work. I should have never taken that extra shift."
He picked up her good hand and kissed it softly.
"Please don't do that. Please don't feel guilty or blame yourself. You were doing Kernc a favor. Don't regret being a good friend."
She tried to move. Her body shifted slightly.
He looked at her. The bruises on her face were so dark. The shades of purple, green, and yellow. It looked like a child was trying to put makeup on their mom, bumping along a winding road. Her swelling had gone down dramatically. Her lip was split but healing. He looked at the bandage running down the side of her face. He wondered if she was going to have a scar.
"What?" she asked.
"You know you're still absolutely beautiful. He hit his knee and stood up. "Fuck! I am so sorry I wasn't there."
"Alex—."
"What if he would have killed you? What if he would have killed our... I mean, your baby girl?"
Her heart ached for him. She knew how much he wanted to be Peanut's father, and a part of her wanted it, too.
"But he didn't. I took care of him. And from what I heard, he won't hurt anyone anymore," she said.
He won't be doing anything else anymore. Hard to do shit when you're dead, Alex thought.
He sat back down and stroked her hair.
"So, Dean, your husband, huh?"
"I know. No one was more surprised than I was."
She laughed a little, and it hurt.
"So." His voice sounded very melancholy. "Are we done? Are you back with him? Do you really not want me here anymore? I will respect your decision. My only goal in life is to make you happy."
Allie looked as if she was going to cry. Her voice cracked as she tried to speak with the lump in her throat.
"What? No. No, we aren't together. I love you. I can't cut my feelings off. I have missed you every second since I woke up. I was hurt that you were not here when I woke up. I also know you did not come to visit me. I asked Peggy, and she said no. The only people here were Dean and a tiny little girl. I'm going to say who, by process of elimination, was Natalie. Why didn't you come and visit me before I woke up?"
"I am sorry, I would have been here. I would have been here every second, even if I got fired. But Bruss, for some reason, said Dean was your husband. I was just a cop taking a report. I was completely shut out. The only reason I got in here today was because Hughes called in a favor for me. I guess I needed to be on some sort of list. He called and spoke with Peggy. I heard she's the head nurse. Don't tell Dean. He thinks I got in on pure status."
"I'm so sorry. I wish Bruss hadn't done that. Tell Nick I said thank you. If I had known what Dean had said, I would have told Peggy to let you in."
"Well, I am here now."
He put his hand on her belly.
"How's my peanut doing?" he asked, rubbing his hand in circles.
"They tell me she's just fine. She's still our tiny little peanut."
He put his mouth close to her belly. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there, baby girl, but your mommy was a badass, and she protected you better than I could have.
The little girl kicked.
"I miss that feeling so much. It's been hard sleeping alone. I missed the warmth of your body. I miss sleeping with my hand on your tummy. I missed the feeling of her kicking while our bodies are pressed together."
"I know she missed you too. You're the only daddy she truly knows."
It was a struggle and took much concentration, but she finally lifted her arm enough to touch his hand.
"Allie, what's going to happen to us? I waited so long for us to be together again. I can't walk away. Please don't make me walk away," he begged.
"I'm not going to do that, but I'm not sure what or who my future holds. Dean is Peanuts, father."
"Yes, but I'm her daddy, Alexsandra. You said it yourself. I'm the voice of the only daddy she knows."
"I know, and I agree, or I wouldn't have said it myself, but..." her voice trailed off.
"Dean is her father. Allie, you can't just let him waltz back into your life like nothing ever happened, not after everything he's done."
"What has he done? Do you mean when he left? I know what he had to do was important. It hurts like hell, but the good of the many outweighs the good of the few."
She had nothing further to say. Alex needed clarification. Didn't she remember the letter? What he had confessed to, the drugs, the women, any of it at all?
"You can't think of anything else but him leaving. That would cause some friction."
"What are you trying to say? Is there something I should know?"
"I guess not."
He was not going to bring it up. He didn't want to cause her any more mental turmoil or stress.
"I know you're jealous. It's actually kind of sweet," Allie said.
"I can't lose you, not again. I'll die inside. I love you so fucking much."
She was able to squeeze his hand.
"I know. And I love you so much, too. You mean so much to me."
"But?"
"Dean is peanuts father. I should at least give him a—"
"A what? A chance? A free pass, Allie? Thirty-one weeks, Allie. Thirty-one weeks, he'll never get back. You don't have to let him back in just because he's the sperm donor."
"Alex, that's not nice to say."
"Why? It's true. I'm not the only one who thinks that," Alex said.
"I know you don't like him, but Peanut was conceived in love. The night we made her, I was in love with him deeply and desperately. Hopelessly even. Please don't talk about him like that. I still love him. I can't just turn off my feelings for him either. Don't be mean. You're better than that."
"I'm sorry, but I am not the only one who feels that way."
"Wow, I have some really mean people in my life."
"Allie, just trust me on this," Alex begged.
She was so hurt. She slid her hand off his. She was able to press the button on the pump.
"I am confused why everyone hates him so much."
He took a deep breath. He was going to tell her about the letter, but before he could, she spoke.
"I think I need to get some rest. I'm tired and need my rest.
"Allie, I'm sorry."
"Please just go. We can talk more later. My body is just screaming that it needs to shut down."
He stood up and kissed her on her forehead.
"I love you." He put his hand on her tummy. "Both of you."
The baby gave a kick. Alex left her room and held it together long enough to reach the hall outside the ICU door. He leaned on the wall, slid into a crouch, and broke into tears.