"Alijah!" I complained, finding myself pinned onto the bed.
Fuck! You're straddling me like I'm some horse! I need to get help!
"Hey! I'm talking—" My voice left me when I saw his expression.
His eyes could barely focus as it felt like he didn't see me. Sweat dripped down his chin as his labored breathing continued. Every fiber of his body shivered at every slight brush between us as his cheeks were flushed.
No matter how many breaths he took, his lungs wouldn't fill fast enough. The wolf in front of me didn't seem to be fully there. I gripped his chest when he held me down with his other hand.
Ah... this isn't...
Alcohol was a damaging substance, but it never caused this on Lycans. However, nothing would've prepared me for who he would call out for.
"Lilith," Alijah mumbled, reaching for my face so lovingly that I found myself in an untenable situation.
In this wolf's eyes, I was no longer Rem but someone he adored. Alcohol, even though it made people do crazy things, wasn't the culprit for this, that much I was sure of.
What the fuck did you get into, Alijah?
Back when I took a whiff of the bottle, it mainly smelled like alcohol, but it probably was something else, too, but I had been too preoccupied with my ill partner to notice anything else. Unfortunately, I had dropped the empty bottle onto the wooden floor next to us when he yanked me into the bed.
If I tasted it, I probably would've figured it out. Though the distressed wolf's symptoms reminded me of a trouble Vera got into once.
Is this... It can't be.
Before that thought could fully form, he touched my chin and tugged my face to the side, exposing my neck. There, I felt his hot breath on my skin as his tongue lapped it soon after, triggering shivers down my spine.
"Lilith, Can I... please? It hurts so much." Alijah struggled to say, leaving me frozen where I was.
Uh... What...?
Though it seemed he wouldn't dare touch me in the way he was suggesting unless I allowed it. Even if it would give him relief after everything he went through. He would never take someone by force.
After all, he knew too well what it was to be abused. To tease and take were two different things to this poor wolf. Well, though, it pained me that he was asking for her permission. For a moment, I closed my eyes, trying to get a grip on my chaotic heart.
I need a minute to think, though; who can when you continue to beg me for relief? And it isn't the innocent kind! Why's everything becoming such a mess?!
The pain in Alijah's voice was so apparent that I couldn't and wouldn't refuse him for long. Even though my mind raced for another solution, it came lacking options as the only thing that came to mind that could affect him this way was a drug.
A dangerous one Vera experimented on when she was sixteen with one of her friends. After finding the ingredient list online, they had pleaded with her for months to make it for them. She eventually relented, not knowing that most who used the witchcraft aphrodisiac ended up in critical conditions.
After seeing my wolf in pain and begging for release, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he was under the influence of something similar. Even though Lycans were immune to most incantations, which had to do more with their skin than anything else, if the wolves ingested anything, it usually was fair game.
However, that also changed if consumed in large quantities. Even if they resisted, things would affect them like any other race, and this wolf chugged down half a bottle's worth of whatever it was. If my suspicions were correct, that had to do with anything about what Alijah was feeling, and then he wouldn't be okay if I left him be.
If I don't help you, it'll doom you to an unpleasant experience or worse.
The last person who took my sister's drug ended up in a coma for months. My wolf had told me that the elders had used these things on him before, so he told me to run.
You must've realized what it was when you felt the effects taking hold.
Not that it mattered that he warned me. I would never leave him alone to feel the pain that was coursing through him.
Damn it, why does Wyatt have one of those things in his cabinet? Did he confiscate it from someone?
I didn't want to think worse of it, and it no longer mattered. It wasn't the elf's fault that the grump had gone through his belongings. However, that was a piece of information to remember when we saw him again.
I could've ordered Alijah to get away from me. To not touch me, but wouldn't have helped him. Vera's friend ended up in critical care for almost a week before being monitored for months in a coma.
The drug had given him a heart attack and brain swelling after using it to keep up with his Lycan girlfriend. It was a young, healthy warlock, too. He
This isn't something I want to happen like this, but I can't allow Alijah to suffer.
All I could hope was that this would scar me.
So, I won't expect anything else from you. Better yet, I won't want anything else like this ever again. Please hurt me in a way I can't come back from.
Closing my eyes, I clasped my hands onto my chest.
Show me... how much you love her, my beloved wolf.
"Alijah... if you want... and are fine with me. Do what you want." I whispered, voice quivering
I wouldn't allow him to feel pain, even if it meant he would hold me under the pretense of being someone else.
Even if it means I'll be her substitute for you.
It was the least I could do after everything I had put him through.
If it's just one day... I'll get over it, right? Right?
The moment those words left my mouth, Alijah smiled gently. However, his expression only made me feel bitter as my chest aches strengthened. I wasn't the one he was about to make love to, but his eternal love, the elven girl Lilith.
When he peeled off my pants and underwear from me, I glanced away before locking my gaze on the wall next to us.
I have no business in knowing how you look down there.
Though before I gazed away, I noticed a tent in his pants when he pressed against me. He had never responded to me that way. A soft hum left him as he unbuckled his pants after exposing me.
"Beautiful," He breathed.
Those words stung deeper than I thought they would. Tears filled my eyes as I tried not to think too deeply about what was happening. After all, I had no right to claim him as mine. He pulled down his pants a bit to expose his heat before repositioning himself for better access.
Lilith's name kept leaving his lips, making me feel hollow. Though, the moment he spread my legs apart, I couldn't help but cover my face with my hands. It was impossible to hold the embarrassment that was surging within me.
His red aura surged out of him, and I was thankful I didn't see any ghosts because of it; otherwise, this would've been significantly worse. However, knowing they were around and watching, I could imagine what they were saying.
The perverts...
Oh my gosh, that Lycan is holding her while calling another woman!
Oh girl, what are you doing? Push him away!
This is just sad.
Sad, indeed.
A sharp yelp left me when Alijah's fingers traced my vulva, triggering the naughty wolf to chuckle.
"You... were never this cute before." He purred, licking the fingers that had traced me.
I lost it a bit. My breathing had become erratic thanks to the anxiety that was building until it hit the boiling point.
I'm cuter than Lilith?
My nerves were becoming my worst enemy. He was the first man to touch me this way. Even though it didn't matter if he was, they were crazy because...
My beloved wolf's touching me, and it isn't a dream!
Though it didn't matter. Alijah would kill me once he got back to his senses. My heart and thoughts were erratic, turning everything muddled.
Ah... Why did you drink that, out of all things?
In his eyes, I could still tell he wasn't there.
Damn it, why am I getting excited? You aren't calling me cute. No... you think I'm her. So, she's the lovable one.
I wanted this to be over with. I could do without comparing his love to me. Though, it was better this way.
Scar me in such a way that I'll never recover.
"J-Just... J-Just p-put i-it i-in a-already!" I stuttered at every word.
Alijah was being too gentle with me, and I wanted this to hurt. It was better that way. The more pain I felt, the less I would like to remember this or redo it.
This wasn't mine to have either way.
I'm just a replacement! You'll never respond to me the way you did to her. All those dreams were just that! Fantasies!
Jealousy was ugly, and it was all I felt for Lilith ever since I learned about her, yet at this moment...
I wish I could be her for you.
Vera's friends used to talk about sex sometimes when they came over from their school. Although my sister wasn't experienced in it, or so I thought. I didn't know if she did it with Ryker's son or if they were together anymore.
Not that she would ever tell me anything like that. Most of the time, she wanted me to get away from her.
"You are embarrassing to have around! Just knock it off!" Vera huffed after one of her friends called me odd for trying to join them in their talks.
"Ah... I'll just go then," I mumbled as she closed the door to her room.
Of course, all I did was eavesdrop on them after that. Unlike my sister, I wasn't allowed out of the house because of my condition, but thanks to them, I knew what to expect from a 'first time.' At least it wouldn't be like in my dreams, where everything felt like bliss.
Alijah didn't have to worry about impregnating me, either.
Being a luma makes my reproductive system unstable.
Mom and Dad worried enough that they took me to the medics to get checked after I got irregular periods. Sadly, they never found the reason. However, I guess it was a blessing since I hadn't had my period in years.
I think the last time was when I turned eighteen.
When they came, it was only a one-day bleed, unlike Vera, who bled for six days. It wasn't impossible, but it was tough for me to conceive.
This is probably the reason why the elders gave up on trying to marry me into a Lycan.
They wished to purify my blood, as great-grandpa called it before he croaked.
But there isn't any point if I can't conceive. I guess I got lucky in that sense.
"Okay, my love... as you wish," Alijah murmured lovingly into my ear, tracing my curves with his hands.
He wasn't aware of how his words killed me inside. Tears swelled in my eyes, leaving them stinging.
Those words aren't meant for me, but I wish they were. Hey... Will you say I love you to me while in this state? Oh, by the gods... make me deaf. I don't want to hear it!
Every muscle in my body tensed up as my emotions became a mess, too. Though I found it weird, he hadn't removed my shirt or his. I would've thought Lilith had the jugs that attracted him since he saw me as nothing more than a fly.
Well... this is fine too.
The moment I felt a bit of pressure down there when he pressed himself against my entrance, I bit into my lip, gripping the sheets in suspense. However, my wolf suddenly stopped, triggering me to gaze at him reluctantly.
There I saw he was, still panting for air, struggling to do what he desired.
Did you stop because I'm so tense? Did you notice my negative emotions toward this? Or are you regaining some self-awareness?
It mattered neither way. The drug was going to hurt him if that was what ailed him. He had to let his instincts take over to work it out of his system. Pushing my feelings away, I focused on my beloved wolf.
Slowly, I reached to touch his face, softly caressing his cheek. If I didn't control myself, I would hurt him more. I shouldn't have mattered to him in the state he was in, yet there he was, resisting to shove himself into me because of the way I felt.
I had to fix that.
Such a sweet wolf... Please... don't be like this.
"It's okay, Alijah," I whispered, simpering.
Even though his only reason for being so gentle was who he thought I was, it left me open. My heart would never recover from this, and that was okay—at least he would be happy in the end.
How can anyone ever hurt you the way they did? And they dare call you a monster. No... you were never one. They were all the beasts in the end.
Tears trailed down my cheeks as I couldn't hold my emotions for him any longer. They weren't for sadness but the frustration of what I would never have. With a brief hesitation, I invited him to continue by pressing my lips on his.
Fuck it... fuck me, fuck everything. Let go... It'll be okay, my beloved Alijah, let go.