*Ana*
"What is this?" I thought I was prepared, no, that I would be, for anything. Whatever could be inside. Whatever Nicoli wrote, I would accept it. But this was nothing like I expected.
Nicoli wrote this? The same boy, who father told me, I had traumatized? This was the same Nicoli who wrote this?
"I don't believe this." Something has to be wrong because there is simply no way. I can't even trust my eyes, let alone, read aloud.
"Dear Ana, I know I'm late sending this. So please don't be mad, but I wanted to make it a surprise. So, are you surprised? I bet you are.
So, what do you think? Do you like it? Philpé and I doubled down on getting it done as fast as possible. I wished it went sooner, but the paint doesn't dry quickly, apparently.
And I had to sit with all these bugs, too. Bees kept getting in my way, and I almost got stung (but I didn't.)
Anyway, this is what I look like now. I've grown a lot since we last met, and I wanted to make sure you could recognize me. You shouldn't have any problems now, right?
All thanks to me, of course.
But hold on. Don't think you're off the hook. It's your turn. I'm not asking for a miniature, because I know Nochten has a thing about portraits ( unless you want to. Which I'll accept. But only if you're fine with it, that is.)
Now, what about you? Are you taller? Is your hair longer? Did you get fat?
I want to know everything. That way, when I see you again, I can recognize you. Because it would be bad if I didn't know my own sister, right? I don't want to be a bad brother.
So, you must write back because it's only fair. I went through all that trouble to make a miniature for you that you owe me. So, let me know if you got it safely. No excuses this time.
I'll be waiting till then.
Your loving brother,
Nicoli."
And at the very bottom, is another of Nicoli's drawings. He'd drawn a bear with a top hat and monocle. He waved and said, 'Can't wait to hear from you.
"I…?" If I was confused just before, re-reading has only made it worse. "Why? Why would he write it like this?"
Where is the formality? I thought these were meant to teach him, right? If it is, his teachers are severely lacking. It's just so-
"If I didn't know that, I would have… thought this was like a letter between close friends"
But how can that be?
"But Father said I scared you, so much that I needed to stay away. For five years, I've stayed away…So why?" Why does it sound so warm and friendly?
"I…this doesn't make any sense." What does this mean? "Could this…Could Nicoli still…" I'm afraid to even say it. But it's there, and I can't deny it.
Could Nicoli… still want to talk to me?
"The letters?" I turn, looking back at the Emperor's portrait. What if they sound the same? I hold the letter tighter, my heart beating louder. Could all those letters be just like this?
"Could it be…that Nicoli has been trying to talk to me this whole while?"
With that, I leave the table, my books, my research, forgetting them all. Because now, now, there is a chance. A chance I have to find out.
"Grandfather," I mutter, before moving and pulling it open. The click echoes in the room, before swinging open to reveal the shelves inside.
"What if I'm wrong?" I can't help but ask, my doubt coming back to me. If I am wrong, what then?
Will I … be able to handle it? I close my eyes and steal a breath, taking in the smell of aged paper and wax. They've sat inside for so long that it now stained the air.
If they are, then …that's something. Right? I think on, feeling my own courage slowly come back.
I will have my answer at last. Right? Good or bad.
"Either way," I open my eyes, taking one last breath, before moving, taking the closest one on top, the envelope with all the bears on it.
"It's time," I go softly, and slowly slide my long nail to cut through the wax seal, to pull out the letter, already seeing the first words pop out. An instant shiver runs down my back, wanting to stop, afraid. But I can't.
No. I won't stop. I have to read on.
-x-
"This… it's all wrong." I drop the last letter, to look over the rest, all around me like a circle. It took the entire night, but I managed to read all of them. But, now, it made even less sense than before.
Less sense, yes, but there is something I'm confident with now. I can see it in every letter. Nicoli was sincerely trying to reach out.
"I thought you hated me." I grip the letter, looking over the others, my voice shaking now. "I was told-"
Did I read wrong back then? I try to think back, but, unfortunately, it's not like I can re-read it.
"But I could have sworn it did." I look back. "No, it had to, because I-" I turn back to look over everything, all the letters he wrote. So many, and not one sounded formal or that he was scared. Not a single one.
Nicoli really expected me to write back… that he's been waiting this whole time.
"No," I shake my head, still with the memory of him, I haven't forgotten the terrible snowy day. How Nicoli ran away.
He was frightened then. I know. But… maybe just maybe, something had changed.
"Does he…want to mend things?" I ask aloud, before gasping, realizing it. And here I've been ignoring it the whole while?
"Poor Nicoli!" How could I? He must think me so cruel? I'm a monster. I've ignored my brother for this long.
"Had I known, if only I had braved myself to read these sooner?" I lament, frustrated at my cowardice. "I would have written you back," I look up, "I would not have spent all these years feeling sorry and living like the last person alive."
But the bigger question now was, how on earth am I going to apologize? How can I make it up to him? Even in silence, Nicoli never stopped reaching out, he never gave up.
"But no more," I go, feeling my hands itch with purpose. The answer so obvious.
"I must write back." Without haste, I rush to my desk, but stop, seeing the package, his portrait, on top.
"Nicoli," I look softly after him, touching his smile, noting how much he takes after our father even more now.
"Nicoli-Ah!" Another twist in my stomach makes me hunch over. But I just rub the spot, not wanting to waste any more time. I have no time to feel ill, and instead, I look over to my Stepmother's invite.
"The party," I remember, as a slight knock comes before the door swings open.
"Oh, you're already up?" It's Naska, and she widens her eyes at the sight of the letters scattered on the floor. "This…" Naska steps forward "Where did…all these come from?" Naska asked, confused, looking down at a drawing.
"Is that…" Naska leans down to look better, only drawing a worse face. "Is that supposed to be a lion?"
"A bear, actually," I reply, but my mind is divided, still preoccupied with the other mystery.
Whatever would possess stepmother to invite me? Me of all people, but perhaps, I shouldn't test it.
Because this could be a blessing and an opportunity to come back. And it would be a sin for me to waste it.
Besides, meeting in person is better than any letter I could write. I have to smile. Maybe it's time for fate to be on my side.
"Your Empress?" Naska, meanwhile, bulks, seeing my smile, and blinks a few times as if stunned. "Your-"
"Prepare my luggage," I go, moving to put the miniature back in the box. " And inform the coachman to make ready." I pause after, my fingers still touching the frame.
It is good he sent me this. I hate to admit, but he's right. He has changed, so much, It would have taken me longer to realize it was him.
But now, I don't have to worry about that. I go, feeling my cheeks warm. He really is so thoughtful of me. And I can't begin to describe how grateful I am for it.
"Er…" Naska, meanwhile, stutters, looking about, "The coachman?" The idea then makes her frown," Are we going somewhere?"
"Yes," I go, still looking at his smile. I'm sure it's even brighter in person. "That tea party. I've decided to go."
"Oh?" Naska blinks, "You seriously….I mean…I didn't think you'd go." Naska confesses, clearly awestruck. "I mean… You don't usually go to these kinds of things. Lord Mykhol's the one that does."
"Well," I have to look up at her now, seeing her fully. " this time, I am."
"Ah, well.." Naska shrugs, "Good for you."
"It's in Dawny."I clarify.
"In…what?"Naska spits out. "You- in, Dawny?" Naska shakes her head, almost refusing the idea. "You can't be serious, right…that's so far!"
"It's only a week's journey." I relay, turning back to the frame, already feeling my heart skip again.
In a week, I'll see you again, my Nicoli. I can already imagine how it will be. How excited I will be to see you, talk to you, hug you. I still half expect this to be some dream. Because I never thought this day would come. But it is, it finally is.