In the quiet of his apartment later that night, Xiao Zhan found himself unable to shake the memories stirred up by his encounter with Li Na. Seeing her after all this time had brought a flood of memories—ones he had thought were buried. As he sat alone, he found himself drifting back to those early days, five years ago, when everything had felt simpler, or so he'd thought.
---
It was a warm evening five years earlier, and Xiao Zhan, then 22, was sitting across from Li Na at their favorite café, watching her as she spoke animatedly about her latest work project. Her smile was bright, and she had an infectious laugh, the kind that made people turn their heads. Xiao Zhan felt lucky to be with her; she was charming, smart, and elegant in a way that felt almost effortless.
But as she talked, his thoughts drifted. Unbidden, an image of Sang Zhi popped into his mind. He'd seen her earlier that day, rushing off to class, her hair in a messy ponytail, waving at him from across the courtyard. The memory made him smile without realizing it.
Li Na noticed, her words trailing off as she observed him. "What's so funny?"
Xiao Zhan blinked, pulled from his thoughts. "Oh, uh, it's nothing. I was just… thinking about something funny Sang Zhi said earlier."
Li Na's expression shifted subtly, a flicker of annoyance crossing her face. She let it go, though, laughing softly. "Oh, Sang Zhi… You're always talking about her."
He chuckled, not picking up on her irritation. "I can't help it. She's got this way of just… lighting up a room, you know? She's always getting herself into these funny situations." He shook his head, smiling as he recalled the time Sang Zhi had accidentally walked into the wrong classroom and, instead of leaving quietly, had ended up sitting through the entire lecture, pretending to take notes just to avoid embarrassing herself.
Li Na's smile was tight, and she took a sip of her coffee, clearly trying to mask her frustration. "She sounds… entertaining," she replied, her tone forced.
"Yeah, she's… she's something else." Xiao Zhan sighed contentedly, oblivious to Li Na's growing tension. "I don't think I'll ever meet anyone quite like her."
That was one of the first times Li Na felt like she was in a room with three people rather than two. And the more she paid attention, the more she noticed how often Xiao Zhan's stories seemed to involve Sang Zhi—how her name would slip into conversations unprompted, how his face would light up whenever he mentioned her. She tried to ignore it, reminding herself that they were just friends, but there was a quiet, nagging feeling in her chest that only grew with time.
---
Weeks passed, and Li Na tried to push the doubts out of her mind. She and Xiao Zhan continued dating, going out to new restaurants, exploring the city, and spending quiet evenings together. But even on their dates, it seemed that Sang Zhi was never far from his mind.
One evening, they were out at a jazz club, the dim lighting casting a warm glow over the small, intimate space. Xiao Zhan seemed lost in thought, his gaze drifting somewhere beyond the musicians on stage.
"What are you thinking about?" Li Na asked, trying to draw him back into the moment.
Xiao Zhan snapped back to reality, looking a bit sheepish. "Oh, sorry… I just realized I never told Sang Zhi about this place. She'd love it here."
Li Na's smile faltered. She took a deep breath, choosing her words carefully. "You talk about her a lot, you know that?"
He looked at her, surprised. "Do I?"
She nodded, her gaze steady. "Yeah. A lot. Sometimes… it feels like you think about her more than you think about us."
Xiao Zhan frowned, her words hitting him harder than he expected. "Li Na, that's… that's not true. Sang Zhi is my friend. She's like a sister to me."
Li Na raised an eyebrow, her expression skeptical. "Is she? Or are you just telling yourself that?"
Her question lingered in the air between them, and for a moment, he didn't know how to respond. He wanted to insist that Sang Zhi was just a friend, but something about the look in Li Na's eyes made him hesitate. Was he really as certain about his feelings as he thought?
Li Na sighed, a hint of sadness in her voice. "I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, Xiao Zhan. I just… I feel like I'm competing with someone who isn't even here."
Xiao Zhan looked down, guilt creeping into his chest. "I didn't realize I was making you feel that way."
She reached across the table, resting her hand on his. "Xiao Zhan, I care about you. I really do. But… I don't want to feel like a third wheel in my own relationship."
Her words lingered with him, but even then, he brushed it off, convinced that his feelings for Sang Zhi were nothing more than friendly affection. He tried to reassure Li Na, to make her feel secure, and for a while, things went back to normal.
But as time went on, he found himself slipping back into old habits. He'd talk about Sang Zhi without realizing it, mentioning her little quirks and stories as though they were part of his own life. And every time, he'd catch a glimpse of that same look in Li Na's eyes—a mix of frustration and resignation.
---
Six months into their relationship, it all came to a head. They were having dinner at a small Italian restaurant when Xiao Zhan, once again, brought up Sang Zhi in passing, mentioning how she'd tried to cook something new that had ended up a disaster.
Li Na set down her fork, her expression hardening. "Xiao Zhan… I can't do this anymore."
He froze, surprised. "What do you mean?"
She took a deep breath, her gaze steady. "I can't keep pretending that I'm okay with this… this obsession you have with Sang Zhi. It's not fair to me, and it's not fair to you."
"Obsession?" he echoed, his voice laced with confusion. "Li Na, she's just my friend. You're the one I'm with. You're the one I care about."
"But am I really?" she asked, her voice soft but firm. "Because it doesn't feel that way. Every time we're together, it feels like she's always there, hovering over us. I feel like I'm sharing you with someone else, someone you won't admit you care about more than you should."
Xiao Zhan opened his mouth to protest, but he found himself at a loss for words. He cared about Li Na—he truly did—but he couldn't deny the truth behind her words. Sang Zhi had always been a part of his life, a constant presence that he couldn't imagine being without. But was it really just friendship?
Li Na looked at him sadly, her voice softening. "I think… maybe you need to figure out what you really want, Xiao Zhan. Because right now, I feel like I'm just a stand-in for someone else."
He looked away, guilt gnawing at him. "I'm sorry… I never meant to make you feel that way."
She nodded, her expression resigned. "I know you didn't. But that doesn't change the way things are."
They sat in silence for a long moment, the weight of her words sinking in. Finally, she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper.
"I think you need to go after her, Xiao Zhan. Maybe she's the one you've been looking for all along."
Her words hit him like a punch to the chest, leaving him speechless. He'd always thought of Sang Zhi as his friend, his confidante—but had he been lying to himself all along? The thought made him feel both hopeful and terrified.
Li Na stood up, her expression a mix of sadness and acceptance. "Goodbye, Xiao Zhan. I hope you find what you're looking for."
And with that, she walked away, leaving him alone with his thoughts and the realization that he might have been denying his own heart.
---
Back in the present, Xiao Zhan shook himself from the memory, feeling the familiar pang of regret and confusion. Li Na's words from years ago still echoed in his mind, a haunting reminder of the truth he'd tried to ignore.
He thought about Sang Zhi, her laughter, her warmth, the way she seemed to fill his life with color. She had always been there, a constant presence that he couldn't imagine losing. And now, as he sat alone, he couldn't help but wonder if Li Na had been right all along. Had he been lying to himself? Had he always known, deep down, that Sang Zhi was more than just a friend to him?
The thought sent a surge of longing through him, mingled with fear. He'd spent so long trying to convince himself that his feelings were nothing more than friendship, that he'd never stopped to consider the possibility of something more. But now, with Li Na's words ringing in his ears, he couldn't ignore the truth any longer.
As he sat in the quiet of his apartment, Xiao Zhan felt a sense of clarity that he hadn't felt in years. He knew, deep down, that he couldn't keep running from his feelings. It was time to face the truth no matter how terrifying it might be.