Sang Zhi was just twenty when she first realized she was in love with Xiao Zhan. It was one of those slow, dawning realizations, the kind that sneaks up on you after years of friendship and companionship. At first, she'd dismissed the quickening of her heartbeat whenever he smiled at her or the warmth that filled her chest when he reached out to ruffle her hair. She convinced herself it was simply because he was her closest friend, her confidante, her partner in all things mischievous and meaningful. But by the time she was in her second year of college and he was in his final year, she could no longer deny it to herself—she had fallen in love with him.
In the beginning, the realization had terrified her. Xiao Zhan was her best friend, the person who'd stood by her side through everything. He knew her quirks, her fears, her dreams. She couldn't imagine a world where he wasn't a part of her life, and the thought of jeopardizing that with her own foolish emotions was terrifying. But as days turned into weeks, her fear began to fade, replaced by a warm, hopeful feeling every time she thought about him.
One chilly autumn morning, she finally decided to do something about it. She'd spent the whole night tossing and turning, her mind racing with thoughts of Xiao Zhan and all the unspoken feelings she'd kept hidden. She wanted him to know, even if it was risky, even if it might change everything between them. She needed him to know that he was more than just a friend to her.
So, with a determined heart, she'd woken up early, dressed in her favorite sweater, and sat down at her desk to write him a letter. The words had poured out of her, each one filled with the depth of her feelings and the memories they'd shared. She told him about how he made her laugh like no one else could, about the countless times he'd been there for her, and about the way her heart raced whenever he was near. She poured everything into that letter, hoping it would convey the truth she'd held in her heart for so long.
Finally, after finishing the letter, she folded it carefully and tucked it into an envelope. She debated whether to write his name on the front but decided against it. Instead, she slipped the letter into her pocket, intending to hand it to him in person, with all the courage she could muster.
The campus was quiet as she set out for the building where Xiao Zhan had his morning class. She could feel her heart pounding with every step, a mix of excitement and nervousness building in her chest. Her mind swirled with thoughts of what might happen—what he might say, how he might react. She knew there was a chance he didn't feel the same way, but she was willing to take that risk. After all, they were best friends, and if anyone could understand her heart, it was Xiao Zhan.
As she reached the courtyard near his classroom, she spotted him standing a short distance away. Her heart leapt at the sight of him—he was leaning against a tree, looking as calm and collected as ever, his hands tucked into the pockets of his jacket. She took a deep breath, her fingers clutching the letter in her pocket as she gathered her courage to walk over to him.
But before she could take a step, another figure appeared beside him.
It was a girl—a tall, elegant girl with long, dark hair and a gentle smile. Sang Zhi recognized her instantly. It was Li Na, a senior who was known for her grace and beauty, someone Sang Zhi had seen around campus but had never really known. She watched as Li Na approached Xiao Zhan with a warm smile, and to Sang Zhi's horror, Xiao Zhan stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug.
The sight stopped Sang Zhi in her tracks. She felt her heart drop, a painful ache spreading through her chest as she watched them together. The hug wasn't just friendly; there was something tender about the way Xiao Zhan held her, something that spoke of a connection deeper than friendship. Sang Zhi's mind raced, the pieces slowly coming together as she realized what she was seeing.
He was with her. He was with Li Na.
The realization hit her like a tidal wave, and she felt the letter crumple in her hand as her fingers tightened around it. She wanted to look away, to turn and run, but she found herself frozen, unable to tear her eyes from the scene before her. Xiao Zhan looked so happy, his eyes soft as he gazed down at Li Na, his arm resting around her shoulders as if she were his whole world.
Sang Zhi felt a lump rise in her throat, her vision blurring as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She had come here with so much hope, so much excitement, and in a single moment, it had all come crashing down. The person she had loved, the person she had trusted with her heart, was already someone else's.
She swallowed hard, fighting to keep her emotions in check as she forced herself to look away. Her fingers loosened, and the letter slipped from her grasp, fluttering to the ground like a fallen leaf. She took a step back, then another, until she was far enough away that she could no longer hear their voices or see the warmth in Xiao Zhan's eyes as he looked at Li Na.
Without a second thought, she turned and ran, her heart pounding as she made her way back across campus. She didn't stop until she reached her dorm room, where she finally let herself collapse onto her bed, the weight of her emotions crashing over her like a wave. She lay there for hours, staring at the ceiling as she replayed the scene in her mind, over and over, each time feeling the sting of betrayal anew.
Days turned into weeks, and Sang Zhi forced herself to move on. She avoided Xiao Zhan as best as she could, making excuses whenever he called or texted, pretending to be busy whenever he invited her out. She couldn't bear to face him, not when the sight of him with Li Na was still so fresh in her mind. She told herself that she had to let go, that her feelings were foolish and unrequited, and that she needed to focus on her own life, her own future.
Slowly, she began to rebuild the walls around her heart, vowing never to let herself be vulnerable again. She forced herself to smile whenever she saw him, pretending that everything was fine, even as her heart ached with every glance. She became an expert at hiding her emotions, locking away her love for him in a place so deep that even she could almost forget it was there.
As the years passed, Sang Zhi convinced herself that she was over him, that the love she had once felt was nothing more than a fleeting crush. She threw herself into her studies, her friendships, her dreams, telling herself that she didn't need him, that she could be happy without him. And yet, in the quiet moments, when she was alone with her thoughts, she couldn't help but wonder what might have been if things had been different.
Every now and then, she would catch a glimpse of Xiao Zhan with Li Na around campus, their laughter and shared smiles like a knife to her heart. She would force herself to look away, to pretend that she didn't care, even as a part of her longed to be the one by his side, to be the one he held close.
But she had made a promise to herself—a promise to let go, to move on, to protect her heart from the pain of unrequited love. She told herself that she had to be strong, that she had to be the friend he deserved, even if it meant hiding her true feelings. And so, she buried her love for him, locking it away in the deepest corners of her heart, where it would remain hidden, untouched, and forgotten.
Or so she thought.
In the years that followed, Sang Zhi tried her best to forget, to let go of the memories that haunted her. But deep down, a part of her knew that she could never truly move on, that Xiao Zhan would always hold a place in her heart, even if he could never know it. She carried her love for him like a hidden scar, a quiet ache that she had learned to live with, even as she pretended that it no longer mattered.
And so, she continued on, a silent witness to his life, his happiness, and his love for someone else. She told herself that it was enough to be his friend, to be by his side in whatever way she could, even if it meant hiding her own feelings in the shadows.
For Sang Zhi, that was the price of love a love that would remain unspoken, unrequited, and forever hidden in the depths of her heart.