"When I say run, you run. You got it?" He said. His voice was deep, rough, and roguish, but somehow managed to be so calm, all the while I could feel the fear and panic in my bones. Rattling me.
I nodded. Fear holding my tongue tight.
The sound of bombs exploding everywhere;
dust and smoke, the thickness of it in the air, choking me. Relentless gunfire, so much it was almost drowning out the screams that could be heard for miles. Debris flying past as building crumbled.
Tanks crushing the streets as they moved through the city.
Soldiers shout in the distance.
All around me bodies were laid out. Some had missing limbs, some were filled with bullet holes, massive amounts of blood splattered on car windows. There were piece of buildings falling from the sky, crashing all around me. Everywhere I turned there was blood and gunfire.
I saw a woman across from me hiding behind a car, she was sobbing hysterically as she held her child close to her, in her arms. Shattered glasses spraying from another bomb.
I watched the woman rock back and forth, scooping up her sons blood, trying to keep more from leaking out. Screaming as she tried to cover her son, tried to stop the blood, tried to keep him from bleeding death. The pain in her face was etched in my mind. Her wailing was a sound I could never forget.
"Okay, run." He said again.
Startled by his voice I flinched.
"Run you stupid girl."
I obeyed, I ran, faster than I've ever ran before. Following behind him, staying low, we hid behind car after car as we made our way through the streets trying to find shelter.
Bullets fire past us, the sound of them piercing the metal car frame.
Another bomb exploded right next to us, the blast knocked me back.
Suddenly, I felt this piercing pain in the back of my head and my ears were ringing. I reach up to touch it and I could feel the blood drip from my head and ear down my neck.
I look over to the man in front of me and I couldn't hear anything, he was yelling, his lips were moving but there was no sound. Everything was muffled. I couldn't see most of his face, a glare was blocking out half of it. My vision was fading with each blink, my eyelids got heavier and were getting harder to open, it was getting cold and I was feeling so tired. Right before everything went black I saw him mouth the words "I'm so sorry".
I wake up panting, my heart pounding my
pajamas drenched in sweat. Another nightmare.
Starting on the night I turned 16, I would get these horrific nightmares every so often, and they were all different, but they always ended the exact same… in my death… It's been 4 years now that I've been having them, but since the starting of this year, it's only gotten worse. More terrifying, more intense, and worst of all more frequent. I'm getting them several days a week now.
The doctors don't know what to make of it, I've seen specialist, had CAT scans, even seen a medium, we've tried medications, meditation, tea, incense, you name it. They still happen.
Then after, it's always ass trying to fall back asleep.
But recently I found one thing that's helped with at least the sleep part.
Marijuana.
Though it's been decriminalized in California,
my parent's aren't 'huge' fans of the smell or the fact that I smoke, in general, so they don't want me smoking inside.
Which is why I go outside to smoke.
I roll up a joint and go sit on the front porch out back.
The air was pretty cold for an early November
night, even wrapped in a blanket, there was still a briskness in the air.
Lighting it up, breathing in that first deep in hale, a warm wave rolled down my back, immediately relaxing me; my body was so tense from dying again, it felt good to have my muscles loosen up some.
What was up with my nightmares, lately?
I'm exhausted and haven't slept well in days. It's getting ridiculous.
I couldn't shake the cries of that women in my dream. It was like I knew her. I felt that loss in my heart.
Taking another drag I blow 'O's of smoke into the air watching them float up and dissipate.
Looking up at the stars, lightly and listening to the sounds of the nature. The melody of the trees blowing, the owl's cooing and crickets chirping. Soon the weather will get cold enough the cricket's will sleep. Unlike me. This serene moment is such a stark comparison to the nightmare I just had.
Closing my eyes and I almost drift off to sleep enjoying the calming sound of nature when I hear my dog bark loudly from inside startling me.
God dammit Sammy.
It was late anyways and I needed to go back to sleep, I know Josie's going to be up my ass early tomorrow. I put the joint out and look at my sleepy puppy, "Come on Sammy, let's go back to bed."
The next morning it was another cold and sunny day in Weaverville. My 21st birthday was tomorrow.
Sammy was whining to be taken out.
Ugh.
"Come on Sammy." I say rolling out of bed.
Putting on my robe and slippers.
"You're so high maintenance." I say as I take to the steps and head to the back porch.
Sammy pouted and whined "No, Sammy,
it's to early, we both slept like shit, I'm not walking you, right now. Just go potty out back."
He whined some more.
"No, I'm wearing a robe and pj's."
He dramatically whimpered louder.
Am I really arguing with a dog?
"Seri, is that you?" I heard my mother yell from a distance.
"No mom, it's the Holy Ghost."
"Seri, I didn't know you were awake, so the back door opening startled me. Why are you up this early, did you have another night terror?" My mother asked.
"No, I slept like a baby." I lied.
"Then why do you smell like pot?"
Damn it.
She caught me.
"Nobody call's it that anymore, Mom."
"Oh, then what do they call it now?" She
mocked.
Was she really being sarcastic at 7am?
"Weed. Are you making coffee?"
"Whose askin?" My dad piped in after entering the kitchen.
"Me." I yelled back.
"Whose me? You mean the Holy Ghost?" My dad joked.
"Ugh." I just shut the door. I'm not awake enough for jokes. Standing on the back porch the sun was just peeking over the horizon. The cool air had started to recede the minute the sun peeked out giving they sky it's first touch of yellow.
Sammy was wandering the yard, sniffing, searching for that perfect place to poop. That was one thing I could always count on, Sammy's predictability.
"Here's some coffee." My mother said coming from the back door.
"Thanks mom." She understood me.
Inhaling the bittersweet smell of coffee really helped open my eyes.
"You're grumpy this morning. You do
remember tomorrow is your 21st? right?" She asked me looking blankly at the horizon.
"Yeah."
"Well what are you doing?"
"I don't know Josie and Brooke will probably plan something. God forbid I do nothing on my day." I said laughing. I was lucky to have the best friends in the world, we've had 19 years of friendship between the three of us.
Josie was wild, a free spirit was what she liked to call herself. She had crazy hair and was always changing it, right now it was a literal rainbow. Josie is an unbelievably loud and expressive person. There was almost nothing she wouldn't say, her direct honesty was a refreshing experience when you live a life surrounded by people who lie all the time. Josie is "authentically herself".
And Brooke. Well Brooke is basically a saint. Your all around good girl. Smart beautiful, natural, good at everything she does. She's practically perfect. Brooke can be loud if she has too but prefers to watch the world quietly with me. We call ourselves watchers, and Josie is a doer, because she goes and does all of the things we won't.
"What are your plans for today?" My mother asked me.
"I don't know, I'll probably take Sammy on a jog after this and then meet up with Brooke and Josie."
"Well why don't you ask them over for dinner tonight, we can celebrate your birthday, since I doubt I'll see much of you tomorrow." She asked me.
"Sure, mom."
Turning away I run up stairs, wash my face and brush my teeth. Almost tripping over one of my plushies on the ground.
"I need to clean my room." Mumbling to myself.
I throw on a black sports bra, a mint colored sweater and some black sweat pants. Throwing my hair in a pony tail.
How does Sammy always rope me into a
morning jog?
Running down the spiral steps, it always
felt cool, super princess in a castle vibe.
"Ready?" I look down my white and black shaggy haired bearded collie. Ah man, he's looking a little greasy, I need to give him a bath too and a trim.
I guess these nightmares have been really messing with me. I'm neglecting my room and my dog.
I pop in my AirPods and press shuffle of my iTunes. Breaking Benjamin's "Breathe" started playing in my ears.
Sammy leashed up I start running down the drive way and up the road.
My town wasn't big by any means, but I wouldn't call it small. Maybe wide is the best word, we had a lot space in Weaverville, my family and I lived on the outskirts in the mountains. Meredith, was an engineer that was working on more effective ways to transport water to the forest fires that happen pretty often here in Cali, she worked from home though.. My dad, Joseph, was an RN nurse at Trinity Hospital in the ER.
I liked where we lived I had a long driveway and a lot quiet. When I was a kid my dad made a trail that ran through the woods around our house. I liked running. I guess it was the closest I could ever get to flying. I was fast too, I ran state this last year and placed first.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, breaking my rib cage. My feet thumped the earth with each step. I wanted to run faster. Me and Sammy keeping in pace together.
"Are you out of breathe yet pup?" I teased Sammy.
He shook his head side to side, which made his ears flop.
He was getting older, but could still run a 6 minute mile with me. He sure wasn't going to let me forget it either. Taking off, he pushed himself further ahead, so I in turn followed suit.
Making our way back to the house I get a call from Josie.
"Hey girl!" Josie yelled.
"Hey," I chuckled back. I really did love her constant enthusiasm.
"When can you be ready we need to travel to Redding which is a two hour drive and with Brooke driving its two and a half and I'm going to need breakfast and coffee soon." Josie said.
"What's in Redding?"
"Bigger Malls, dah." Josie joked.
"Really Josie?" I laughed.
"Yes bitch, let's goooo." Josie hollered.
"Ugh, I'm out jogging with Sammy, I need to shower and get ready." I sighed
"Fine I'll see you in 45 minutes. Did your dad make breakfast?" She asked.
"Probably."
"Bet." She said
"Love you bye." Hanging up first.
Picking up the pace again I take it slow, just a soothing wind down.
It took me about 10 minutes to get back to the house.
"Back so soon?" My mom shouted from the
kitchen.
"Yeah," I yelled back unhooking Sammy's
leash from his harness "Josie called, she's one her way over for breakfast. We're going to the mall in Redding."
"Oh why so far?" She asked.
"I asked the same thing, she said bigger malls." My mom and I both laughed at that.
"Okay, get up and shower I can we the sweat dripping from you hairline." My mother said peeking her head from around the corner.
"Already planned on it mom. Thankssss"
Running up the spiral staircase and quickly head to my bathroom. My bathroom was actually pretty cool, the house was an old house, so my bathroom had an antique shower that stood separately from the room. I had a shower curtain that wrapped around the tub. I had window, I loved to open after the shower to air out the steam in the room.
Washing the sweat from my body, I felt good after.
I take a long look in the mirror. My eyes were two different colors, I had one dark blue eye and one dark green eye. I had long, thick and wavy ginger hair. I tried coloring it before but for some reason even permanent dye doesn't stay in my hair. It's ridiculous, I wasn't able to have colorful hair like Josie even if I wanted it.
My lips were nice, not big, I had a cute pout, at least that what Josie says. I had nice cheek bones that framed my face giving me almost a heart shape to it.
I was definitely pretty, boys have always paid attention to me, I've gotten a lot of confessions, but no one has every really picked my interest.
And the one time I kissed a guy, I guess he was allergic to my lip gloss but he went into, like, anaphylactic shock. People still call me "Poison Ivy" from Batman. Which is cool I guess, she was a pretty bad ass super villain and cared a lot about the earth and all.
I my skin was pretty clear I almost never got any blemishes. I apply a little bit of make up. Light eyeliner with a winged tip and some lip gloss.
I pick out a pair of pale blue jeans and a white long sleeve crop top that clung to my skin, emphasizing my cleavage. And a warm brown leather jacket with matching brown leather boots.
I hear an echo of footsteps thumping up the stairs.
How does she make so ugh noise without shoes?
Josie burst through bathe door with a piece of crispy bacon in her hands.
"Are you ready?" She asked me.
"No."
"I don't know you look ready to me." She sneered.
"Yeah, but I haven't had any bacon yet." I snatched the piece of bacon from Josie's hand and eat it quickly.
"Rude." She said rolling her eyes.
"So is showing up 15 minutes early to eat someone's breakfast."
"Whose breakfast am I eating?" She acted clueless.
"Mine."
"Oh no, this is mine, but if you want some better hurry down before Meredith and Joseph give the rest to the dog." Josie joked.
"They wouldn't dare, Sammy would shit all over the wood floors and go on a hunger strike, insisting he's to good his dog food."
The door downstairs slams. "Must be Brooke." Josie said. "Let's get this show on the road."