I feel humiliated. After years that i studied in order to become a teacher, now i am fired.... Why....
Its simple... Im gay.
It appears that even though I live in a modern world, i am not allowed to teach children just because i am gay.
Some parents refused to let me continue to teach their children just because i like men... I know what they are thinking.. Im not a gay pervert that wants to touch children, i will never touch a child in that way. Their thinking is dirty.
Now i am in the principal office and a fat, old man is yelling at me.
"The council will not tolerate a teacher like you."
"What do you mean like me?"
"Like you... You faggot. You are a dirty man that dreams to teach.... Ha what to teach?"
"I advise you to think before you talk. I worked all my life, i was the top of the class and i will not let a old fool to humiliate me. So i want a real reason why after a year and a half i am banned from the class."
"You..... I will tell you why.... One of the parents was disturbed by the fact that you are sleeping with men and he brought in our attention that you are a lascivious person and you could corrupt those innocent minds."
"Interesting... I wonder where those ideeas sprouted. Is it possible its from mister Kim soo hyun? Hmmm?"
"Its not your business. He is just a concerned parent."
"Ohhh a concerned parent? Principal., did you know that the son of that man has been coming at school with bruises and cigarettes burns? I ve already made a complaint about it at you but i see, you did not listen."
"Its not your business. I already talked with the parents and they denied your accusations. Ive seen no marks on that child, how can you slander a good man. You filthy man, listen to me.... From this moment you are fired and i will make sure you will never work as a teacher. Ever"
"I understand now. It all about money. He bought you to close your eyes and to eliminate the problem. Its ok. Lucky me i already made a complain at the authorities with the proof ive gathered last year. We will see soon who is dirty and who is not."
"You..... Get out."
I turn my back to the principal and i go to my little office and i start to gather my things.
I feel like i am suffocating and i bite my lips so that i will not start to cry like a child.
Its so frustrating, this is my dream job. I dont understand why the world is so cruel against gays. I can't change my sexuality and i cant marry a woman just to follow this world morality.
I know that in this world i can't have a child of my own so since i was 15 i decided i want to become a teacher and all my students will be my children. But now even that dream will be blown by the wind.
Ahhhhiii this is absurd. To be fired just because im gay.
In all my 25 years i only had sex 5 times and half of those were by mistakes or when i was drunk. I never had a boyfriend and i never had a proper sex life.
I hate life... It's so unfair to me
I gather my things and i go to the exit but there i meet my children..... All of them are sitting in the middle of the hallway and i see their little tears.
Ohh i know their suffering, i feel the same....
"Teacher..." I hear their young voices
"Please dont go..... Dont leave us... Please"
The tears that i kept them from falling are now on my cheeks, running.
"Hey, all of you, look at me. You need to be good boys and girls and you need to learn proper so that you will make your parents proud."
"I dont want to learn if you are not with us."
I look at the small boy that said that and i rufle his hair and i go down on my knee.
"Jun..... You are a little angel but you must learn to become a good adult someday."
"But who will protect Jin from his papa or what if someone will bully us?"
"You all will. I hope that in this year and a half i showed you the true face of love. You are all my heroes and i know you are strong."
I gather all in my arms and i try to stop my tears but i must be strong.
I get up and i take my box with my memories from the ground and i start to go to the school gate. All the children are accompanying me to the parking lot and they cling to my clothes. I put the box in my trunk and i turn to look at my class... Ohhh not my class, i forgot, i was fired.
Its the hardest thing i ever do in my life, knowing that tomorrow i will not see these sweet children.
"Teacher, we will see each other again?"
"yes. You are my favourite children and if your parents will want, i will come at your festivities."
"yesss....
I stay with the children until i see the first parent that comes to take them home. I look at the first mom and i see its Sara's mom. A lady that styles her hair pink and she is married with a foreigner. She comes closer and i look in her eyes ..... but all i see is pity for me.
"Mrs Hua li..."
"You fool. Why did you not fight back".
As she said this i was gathered in her arms and she hug me so tight that i lost my breath...
"Hua..... Uhhhh i cant breath....."
"Ohhh im sorry. Sometimes i forget to stop myself."
After she released me she got my hand and she looked at me with that big sis look.
"You know very well that i will not sit tight. I will try to find the person that kicked me out of the school and i will try my best to clarify all this mess"
"Thats right. Fighting!"
"Fighting...
Hua li was one parent that knows my sexuality and she didnt care. She saw me for who i am.
" I hope i will be allowed to participate in their future festivities. "
" Of course you can.... As their teacher... "
" I dont know..... All this is a big mess and i dont know others will be as understanding as you".
"Its ok. You should take a nice vacation and i think i should talk with my brother. He is a lawyer and i will tell him about you and we will see what we will do. This is my number. Call me whenever you want."
"Thank you. Your kind to kind."
"We will be going.. My mochi is hungry i see. She is eyeing a pack of biscuits from another child."
"Bye, bye Sara..."
I wait other parents and one by one, all are gone to their homes. I get in my car and i drive to my small apartment. On my way i stop to the store and i buy meat, mushrooms, corn and condiments for a hotpot and i chose a big pack of 6 beers that i like the most. Tonight i will eat spicy and drink beer so that i will forget.
I continue my road and in half a hour i am in front of my door.
I live all by myself and the apartment it feels cold. I put my grocery in the kitchen and i go to the bathroom. I undress and i start the shower. While i wait for the hot water i look in the mirror. I am a mess, my eyes are red and puffy, my skin is so white and my hair is a mess. I enter the shower and i let the hot water to relax my body.
I finish my shower and i go in the kitchen to start my food. I prepare all i need on plates, i put the pot with the soup on my living room table and i start to shimmer the soup. I open the package with Sichuan condiments and i put it in the soup. All the spicy smell made me cry.
I go in the kitchen and i bring with me noodles, tofu, salad, some leftover dumplings from yesterday, rice and shrimps.
I know how to cook because since i was 18 i decided to be independent and i had to feed myself.
My parents were very supportive but two years later they had a car accident and i was left all alone in this world.
I start to put some ingredients inside and while i wait i open the tv and i open a beer.
At tv is a news about a new archeological descovery. It appears they found a tomb from a period of time when china was only the land with a few tribes.
I listen to the news and i continue to drink. I drink and i eat spicy hotpot until i finished all my beers.
I am drunk.... and i start to look after my phone.
I open my contact and i see my buddy on the list and i give him a call... After 3 tones he answered
"hello."
"Umm Liuuu im hot and spicy and.... I want..... ..."
"Wahh Yin Xue. Ummm buddy i am with a girl now..... One moment... ( i have a emergency. Call me later) now i can talk..."
"im Hottt and thirsty".
"Ohhh Yin Xue, are you drunk? .... I cant belive it....!"
"fuckkkk.i am sad, very sad.i have no beerrrr... No bubbles..no job. No Yummm"
"Right..... I will be right there. I know if im not there you will do some stupid things...."
After the person that he had speak with Yin Xue, closed the phone... Yin Xue rises from the table and he wobbled to the bathroom. The full bladder made a pressure and the need to pee was terrible. Yin Xue peed and after that, realising that he has no beer, he takes his keys and he goes down to his car. He stops to a car close to the entrance but after 5 minutes he realised its not his. So he starts to walk to the store on foot.
The fresh air and the walking is benefic because slowly his brain started to become clear. As he walks, a black cat with blue eyes jumped on a fence near him..
"Ohh hey little guy... What are you doing?... You have such a beautiful eyes.... So blue,"
Yin Xue come closer to the cat and he takes it in his arms.
"From now on you are my baby, my Huan, my huanhuan. You even have eyes like me... You definitely are my baby..."
As he walks to the store, a big fat drop of rain has drooped on his cheek. He stops and he looks at the sky and he realise that the rain will start soon. He starts to run (in a drunk way ) to shelter. By now the rain is pouring already but Huanhuan bites his hand and jumps from his arms....
"Ahhhh Huanhuan, come back....."
As he runs after the cat, he ends up on the street.
The last thing Yin Xue sees is the light from a car that comes with speed...
Darkness... And pain