Since moving into the Illusen estate, Kalys had been giving her money—a stipend, like the academy gave them—but much more. She had thought it was something of a bribe initially, part of her still did, so she hadn't used it on anything except the garden and the boys—buying them food, warmer clothes, and whatever little odds and ends she thought they might like. Everything had been provided for her anyway; she hadn't needed to buy anything for herself until now.
At her first available opportunity once the noises started in earnest, she headed into town and bought a gramophone. She didn't know if it would work to drown out the sounds, but she was hoping it would help. She had never used one before, but she did know one of the girls in her dorm had one—Sun could hear the music drifting down the hall. They were quite expensive contraptions, which was why she'd never had one until now. And she felt guilty for buying it; it was definitely a luxury she never would have been able to afford until moving here.
The first night she had it, she got ready for bed, turned the crank, and tried to sleep. The noises of the Traverse weren't too bad yet, but she was curious to see if it would help at all.
She had never really been much of a music person, and listening to the gramophone, she doubted this would change it, but if she could just drown out the sudden loud cracks and shrieks that startled her awake at night, it would be worth it.
She still tossed and turned for a while, trying to pick out the sounds of the Traverse; she couldn't seem to stop herself. But eventually she must have fallen asleep because she woke to the sound of Mika knocking on her door.
At some point during the night the gramophone had stopped, but it seemed to have helped her fall asleep, which was part of the point. She let out a garbled sound to let Mika know she was awake, and the other woman entered, greeting her warmly before going about the morning routine of opening the verandah doors to let fresh air in. There was a bit of a nip in the air, which Sun welcomed. She did better in the cold than the heat. Maybe that had something to do with her blood; Kalys did say cold ran through it.
Sun showered and dressed in her uniform before having breakfast with her brother. As per usual, he greeted her with a simple nod, and they had a quiet breakfast. The silence was no longer that uncomfortable anymore. She had always been quick to adapt, even if she initially complained. A lot in some cases.
She met the boys at the academy gates as had become a habit since she moved out of the dorms. While Zen and Sun had a lot of the same classes, Nick had more advanced ones and only shared a couple of classes a week with them.
"You're looking a bit rundown," Nick noted. "Is it starting again?"
"It's not so bad yet."
"And you already look like shit," Zen said, earning an elbow in the gut from her.
"You're so charming. I don't know why you don't have a girlfriend," she retorted.
They didn't get far down the hall before they were stopped by the unpleasant voice of one of their classmates.
"If it isn't the bastard and her whores," Seph snidely called out, clearly amused with himself.
"Looking for a sequel to that last beating you got?" Zen asked, smug amusement radiating off him.
He still had faint bruises.
"I'm keen," Sun shrugged. She wasn't.
"So how'd you do it?" Seph asked. "How did you convince someone like Commander Illusen to keep his father's unwanted bastard?"
That's right, Seph was from a lesser noble family, and gossip ran rampant amongst the upper echelons, and keeping bastards just wasn't done. From what she had learnt so far, he really should have more manners toward someone of her rank. Not surprising his treatment of her wouldn't change though.
"Back off, Seph," Zen growled out threateningly.
"You should be more worried about what your little slut bag is getting up to; it looks like she's spreading her legs for someone who can actually give her what she wants."
Her eyes widened. Were they actually implying she was sleeping with her brother for his money and status? She was about to start ripping into the boys when a cold aura settled over them.
"Sun."
She cringed at the voice but turned and bowed to her brother.
"Get to class."
"Right."
She grabbed Zen and Nick by their wrists and dragged them away.
Kalys glared down at the boys, slowly exerting more and more pressure on them. In a matter of moments, they could barely stand, and their breath came out in white puffs.
How dare these boys insult her? She was a princess of the Winter Clan, and while they may not respect her, they should have respect for her status. And to imply he had only brought her into the clan to sleep with her... He wanted to snap their necks, but he knew better than to let his emotions get the better of him. And the dig struck deep because he was physically attracted to her, which he was finding frustrating.
Once he was sure they understood the silent threat, he turned and headed the opposite way. He had a meeting with the headmaster to get to.
He had expected to take criticism and disapproval for his decision. He had even expected threats and attempts on her life once succession had been rewritten. He had not expected the rumours of incest. People couldn't seem to understand his actions without applying some kind of personal benefit to himself.
Though he supposed it shouldn't have been surprising. The Illusens had intermarried many times before; several generations back, his great-grandfather and grandmother were even twins who'd married. It wasn't uncommon in the great four, though it had definitely become rarer in the last few generations.
He did find it offensive that people believed it to be his primary motivation, though.
He had hoped to at least keep those rumours from her. She still seemed to be on shakey ground with him, and the last thing he wanted was for her to doubt his intentions again.
Perhaps he should speak with her about it when they were home...
-
While Sun liked the snow, she hated the sound of the Traverse in winter, and the first snowfall brought with it the near-deafening sounds she had been dreading. She could never have quiet, not until the weather started to warm.
The Traverse was... not a happy place. And the souls who resided there were less so. Sleep consisted of trying to avoid them. It wasn't so easy during the day when she had places to be and things to focus on.
Every night she had been using the gramophone, but its effectiveness lessened with every day they neared the Winter Solstice. Kalys had told her the Illusens hosted an event for that night as well, which, as per her duties, she was in charge of organizing. He had at least given her time off from her lessons to allow for the extra work and also promised that after midwinter, they would begin her training together.
She had never organised any kind of party in her life; she had no idea how to go about it. There would be higher-ups from Perdition there, representatives from the other three great houses, and members of her own family as well. Apparently at midsummer, the Summer clan hosted their own event they would be expected to attend.
Kalys had given her the records from the previous years celebrations to give her an idea, and planners had been hired to help her out. Midwinter was an important day to their family apparently, and while there would be a larger celebration involving many, afterwards, the Illusens had their own private ritual. In the past, Kalys had undergone it alone; this year, he expected them to do it together. The extended family that came usually chose not to participate, but as the main bloodline, they were expected to uphold their traditions.
Sun knew a little about midwinter—the shortest day, the longest night, and the connotations around death and rebirth. And going through prior years events—mostly grand balls, a winter circus—what was a circus?—and nightlong entertainment, she decided to ignore the planners suggestions and go with something simpler. And after researching more about the solstice, she would do something a bit more in keeping with the theme of it.
She wasn't sure if she would prefer her lady lessons or having to organise this event. Both were torturous.
When she made it back to her room late at night that day, she was exhausted. The lack of sleep was getting to her. After years of this problem, she would have thought she would have learnt to tune it out by now. But then she had always been an alert sleeper. They had to be back in the slums, and it was ingrained into them. They couldn't turn it off, no matter how they tried.
Sun turned on the gramophone, raising the volume as much as she could, despite its ineffectiveness. The sound of cracking and splintering still overpowered it; she could hear the distant shrieking, and underneath she could hear muttering and incessant whispering. It had been driving her mad all day. Why couldn't she just tune it out?
She slid down the wall beside the shelf the gramophone rested on and put her head between her knees, squeezing them against her ears. Sometimes she wished she were deaf. But there was always the fear it wasn't her ears doing the hearing, and it was all in her head.
She practically leaped out of her skin when she felt a touch on her knee, her head flying back and hitting the wall hard enough to make her see stars. Kalys was crouching in front of her, his brow furrowed in concern.
Every night he had heard her playing music from her room, and every day the darkness under her eyes became more pronounced. Tonight had been the loudest yet; he could hear it clearly from his own room down the hall. She had also been more distracted than usual, at times even stopping mid-sentence while speaking. This morning at breakfast, she had almost nodded off a couple of times.
"Sun, are you well?" He asked, his deep voice soft.
In the weeks they'd been living together now, he realised this was the first time he had ever asked her that. It was the first time he'd sought her input on her condition. From the look on her face, she was having the same realisation.
"I'm fine."
She was lying; that much was obvious given the position he had found her in.
"You've been playing this music every night, loudly. Why?"
"...I like it."
"Do not lie to me," the softness in his voice had frozen over now.
He could see her warring with herself, whether to attempt another lie or just tell the truth. Before she could settle on a decision, she suddenly flinched, her eyes squeezing shut like she was shying away from something.
A quick sweep of her room revealed nothing out of place. In fact, since moving in here, she had done very little with the space at all, the gramophone being the only real change, and her weapons sitting on the chest at the end of the bed.
"What is it?"
"I can hear the Traverse," she muttered, looking down at her feet. "It gets loud in winter."
He'd never heard of that being a problem before; his father had certainly never mentioned anything like that. He tried to recall if he'd seemed distracted or fatigued during the winter months, but nothing came to mind.
"What does it sound like?"
"Like when water gets in your ears, and there's this whistling and cracking. But then there are the people; they mutter, they yell, they cry... Sometimes I hear the twisted people as well, roaring, sniffing... mauling someone..."
Twisted people?
"What does it say in the journal?"
"I don't know; I haven't had time to read it all. So far, nothing."
He hadn't realised her schedule was so full. He would have to remedy that; she had been doing well with her lessons from what he'd been told. He could afford to cut back on the hours she spent in them.
"This happens every winter?"
She nodded.
And this must be why she was so exhausted and distracted.
"Have you tried ear plugs?"
"They don't really help. I was hoping the gramophone would work better."
How could he stop the cacophony of another world for her?
In their family, being born with the Ravens Eye had been considered something of a gift, a blessing to carry. His father had never treated it as such, and Kalys had always gotten the feeling he'd rather have not had it at all. Now he had to watch Sun struggle with it. And she hadn't even had the guidance their father had received while growing up.
What must this have felt like to a child living on the streets with no idea what was happening to her?
He stood, offering his hand down to her. "Come."
Though his father rarely spoke of the Traverse, Kalys could remember the few times he'd reluctantly answered some of his son's questions. The Traverse was similar to the world of the living, at least in its natural topography. Manmade structures weren't always exact replicas, if they managed to exist there at all. He wasn't sure what the rules were surrounding it.
She looked confused but took his hand and let him pull her up. He led her through the manor and to the kitchen, opening the pantry doors. She hadn't spent any time in here; they had kitchen staff that did all the cooking for them. On the floor was a trapdoor, which he lifted, heading down the stairs into the darkness. He lit the oil lamp sitting on the shelf a few steps below and continued down the stairs. No electricity down there then.
She hadn't known this place had a cellar; it was large enough that the light didn't reach the other three walls.
"How is the noise now?"
She tilted her head to the side, listening. The Traverse wasn't an exact replica of the living world, but for the most part it resembled it. She could still hear the ambient sounds of the splintering, but little of the people. Only the loudest sounds making their way down here.
"The voices are quieter..." She almost wanted to weep for the relief of it. They weren't gone, but they were down at a level she might possibly be able to sleep to.
She headed over to the wall by the door and sat down on the ground. "I'll just sit here for a bit. Thank you."
She was asleep in seconds; Kalys had never seen her look so relaxed. He had also never seen anyone fall asleep so fast. Especially not on the less than clean and uncomfortable floor. He almost wanted to wake her and have her move, but decided against it. Sleep had obviously been hard to come by for her.
With a sigh, he headed back up the stairs and retrieved the blankets from her bed, turning off the gramophone while he was there. He would have a more comfortable set up made for her, and perhaps further down the line, have an underground bedroom made for her for the winter months.
Once back down in the cellar, he started laying the blankets over her and trying to bunch them around her should she end up lying down.
She jolted awake when he touched her, but when she realised it was just him and that she was safe, she fell right back to sleep.
He felt a little... disturbed to be leaving her down there alone in the dark to sleep, but he certainly wasn't going to sit there and watch her all night.
With the light on in the pantry upstairs, enough shone down that she wouldn't wake up unable to see. He would leave the cellar door open for her.
With one last look in her direction, he left her to sleep.