Every time I think I can get a break from my stepson, he appears again, suddenly and unexpectedly.
Jude didn't answer the math teacher, and I had stared at him a bit too long, turning the atmosphere peculiar.
"He is here for me. My phone is dead; do you have paper?"
Derek's glance jumped between us, and he gave me one of the math papers in his hands, telling me to use it. I turned the paper and took the pen beside me, noting down my number while feeling black eyes burrowing in my back.
Having finished, I waved goodbye and dragged Jude away again. This time, I let go of his wrist as soon as we had left the classroom, and like a big shadow, Jude followed me down, to the sports hall, where there was a little room, more like a little cell, for the teacher's stuff. Getting my bag, I was ready to go, but when I turned, Jude was behind me, and the door was closed.
"What the?" I looked up at him; this 'room' was too small for both us being inside, and the closed door made me worry as well.
"You want to leave during the school trip." He uttered, while leaning against the closed door.
"Yes. Look, Jude. I have never signed up to be a substitute. Not for your father and not for you." It seemed he wouldn't let it go without an explanation.
"The contract with my father is for one year, no sexual activities included." Jude's eyes flickered strangely when he said that, with his voice deepening a few notches.
Had he found the contract?
"So? That is still one whole year, and who says he will let me go?"
"Stay for a year. After that, even if he doesn't let you go, I will be the one to take you away." Jude's deep voice sent me shivering, again wanting to scratch the inside of my ears. The way he talked was really like a bad boy asking to run away together.
Having a real conversation with him let me nearly forget in what a situation I was.
"But your father...is a psycho." Lacking a better word, I had to address it head on.
Jude chuckled deeply, looking at the ceiling in amusement,
"I know."
When his eyes fell on me again, I felt the air stagnate. Too close, far too close. This room, far too small; Jude, far too tall.
"But if he wants to, he will find you anyway." He said this, taking a small step towards me, his hands in his pockets.
Would he want to find me? Would you?
"You would be constantly on the run." The abyss reached out to me again, pulling me into the darkness, devouring me.
I should be running, from you.
"And he would punish you." He bent his legs and back again so that we were at the same eye level, and all that without making body contact, but I felt as if his hands were wandering over me in this close proximity.
Why does it feel like you are punishing me?
"And if you stay, in exchange, I will behave." Jude's eyes wandered from my eyes to my eyebrows and to my nose, cheeks and chin; it felt like I was licked softly by a barbed tongue.
"No flames, no violence." His gaze rested on my lips for a few tormenting seconds, before the abyss stared back into my eyes. Penetrating darkness engulfed me, sending my heart pounding.
"What do you say?" His face was so close to mine that the hairs stood all over my body. I wanted to argue, but each reason he mentioned was also something I had contemplated, and if he would really behave...
But instead of at least trying to argue, I mumbled for him to back up.
"Hmm?" Jude tilted his head, not hearing me or not wanting to hear what I had said.
"Space… Give me some space!" My voice came out a bit too loud, and Jude took a big step back, leaning again against the door with his hands in his pockets, as if I had imagined this whole compelling scene.
I knew I was out of my mind, or maybe I didn't know; I didn't know anything anymore.
"One year, then I am outta here. I'm not staying because of you, but because your father will find me anyway." I mumbled while taking my bag and putting it over my shoulder. I bulldozed my way past Jude, finally being able to breathe again when we left this crappy little room.
"I made the decision, not you." I quietly stated again, hearing an annoying laugh sounding behind me.
*****************
Thomas POV
That day, I made a mistake.
Because you were unresponsive and because I wanted to punish you for acting for the child and not for me, I let you alone with her dead body. I wanted you to feel the same desperation I felt, and I wanted you to deeply realize that she was dead.
I took the child in my arms and walked out of the house, without you even reacting. I drove for hours, while the child was silent the whole time, not crying, out even once.
Instead, her blue eyes stared at me.
"Stop staring!" I yelled at the kid, but she didn't even blink.
Would she become the same kind of monster you and her are? Was she your niece, or was she your daughter? Why hadn't I ever noticed?
Did I want her to be your niece so that I could kill her, or did I want her to be your daughter so that I could let her live because she would have more of you in her?
But if she was your daughter, it meant you laid with someone else. Embracing someone other than me.
We had driven through a few villages, and I still hadn't decided what to do.
I stopped in a forest and took the child out. She held on to my little finger as we walked into the forest, slowly, step by step; it was more me carrying her than her walking.
When we arrived at a beautiful spot amidst the trees, I had lost the will to kill. Her blue eyes were looking at me like the disguise you wore, but she was truly innocent.
"Please don't become a monster. "
"I hope that you will survive."
I left her in that forest, and drove back to you.
Only, that when I arrived, you had been gone, leaving the corpse of your sister behind.