The moment Lesly's searched my pocket, I knew what her worries were. Amidst the man continuingly babbling about his daughter, whose eyes stripped me naked, I understood that Lesly seemed to feel the danger I, and the ones who were surrounding me, were in.
"My daughter had always been brilliant..."
That was indeed the case, my senses had dulled away after my act of violence; the crazy euphoria had dissipated only a few hours later. I really wanted to hear it again—the screams, the beating of my own heart that told me I was alive, and the cries that spiraled into chaos. I was hungry for it.
Furthermore, I had crossed the threshold of the cage, plastered with fantasies of burning down what was in my way, now having witnessed not only what the flames were able to devour, but also how it was to stand on the other side with the lighter in my hand.
"So many boys made their advances, but she never took interest in them...."
I was constantly imaging people going up in flames, especially the ones I didn't want to lay my eyes on ever again. On the one hand, I asked myself why I had wasted my time with these insignificant girls, searching for pleasure crumbs instead of letting the pleasure of seeing them wail engulf me; on the other hand, I was relieved because discovering the real excitement would only have led me to being locked up long ago. I wouldn't have been able to meet my stepmother, teacher, and the ocean dousing the flames in my palm and washing me clean of the sins I wanted to so desperately commit.
"As a child, she told me, 'Daddy, I want to marry the best man'..."
And she did it again last night, as the sparks I carried constantly with me awaiting our nightly meetings, turned into conflagration the moment I saw her in my fathers arms– not like usually, with the monster imprisoning her, but this time it gave of the picture of a loving couple, as if he was protecting her from the monster, the intruder, which somehow had turned to be me.
"The Lennisters are such a noble, superior and successful family, and their son surely will step in these big footsteps...."
I really wanted to whisk her out of his arms and set the bed on fire. Before I could even comprehend what I did, the lighter lid sprang open, the sound alone not calming me anymore but agitating and edging me on.
"When we had the privilege of receiving an invitation to this soiree, I wanted for the two children to at least meet, two like-minded young folks would surely make at least good friends..."
But again, Lesly willingly saved me. As she turned to me, as she seduced me to her side, it seemed only an obedient monster could seek protection under the crow's wings. So I let the blue in her eyes purify me and came to her side, fulfilling both of our wishes.
"Her mother and I want our daughter to form genuine bonds with other successful children, and who could make a better company than someone of the Lennisters?"
The moment this couple brought their daughter in front of me, I knew what types of parents they were and what kind their offspring could only had grown to be. It was precisely a girl like this, who had been pushed onto me at such a festivity, that had poked holes in the condom only to be caught by me.
This experience hadn't deeply etched itself in my mind because my trust in humanity had been practically high to begin with, but because I was just a hair's breadth away from following my father's example. The thought of having someone steal my DNA to craft an unwanted child out of it, forcing me into a wretched marriage and compelling me into the same path my father had been driven into, made me want to kill her, right there, right then.
So now, confronted with another one of these girls, brought to me in hope of climbing in my bed and getting into a prestigious family, and that with my stepmother having already shown her disgust with me being 'experienced', even stumbling into a live show of said experience for our first meeting, yes, I really pictured all of them melting under my lighter.
And Lesly, seemingly perceiving my darkest thoughts, even going so far as to put her hand in my jeans pocket and throwing my whole mind and body in disarray, managed to rob my weapon from me.
The little crow had decided to steal my flame, and I had no choice but to let her.
Feeling my father's dissatisfaction growing, beside him not even discovering me and his wife's exchange, I had no choice but to leave my place behind, now beside Lesly, and take that female burden with me, all the while being disarmed.
After asking her if she wanted a drink, and prompting her to follow me, I moved through the crowd easily, suddenly kind of reassured of my lighter being with Lesly. Not only because it could hold me back from making dumb decisions, but also because she became now the judge with the power to decide when I had to yield.
Standing on the side of the hall, away from all the people, but because of my height, with an excellent view of Lesly, as long as she would step out of the crowd, I leaned against the marble wall, and waited for the 'like-minded friend' to reach me.
When she was at my side and tried to converse with me, I didn't answer her; I just waited for my father to lose his patience and take shelter on the side, like I did. And the time came soon, again revealing the silver dress of my stepmother, which so skillfully showed her curves and the pockets that were so necessary for holding on to my possession and for the other treasures she would soon decide to fetch for her nest, along with her body, her blond hair, and her blue eyes. Now that they had walked to the other side of the hall, I could fully watch her drink the dark red wine beside her husband, again being introduced so unsuitably as his wife, again and again.
The dress on her had me already left entranced when I saw it for the first time, as she came down the stairs. Only the silver color, matching the monster's attire, was not nearly befitting of a little crow that needed to be enshrined in gold.