Meili fumbled with the knot on her men's robe.
"Aaah, no! No!" cried Tan Bowen, jumping to his feet and running over to her.
He tried to restrain her wrists, but she batted him off.
"Don't tussh me Tan Bowen! Men and women don't tussh you know! I'll scream if you keep tusshing me," she warned.
He quickly withdrew his hands. He might be arrested if she kept this up. Who knew she would be such a firebrand when she was drunk?!
She craftily realised that she was onto something that could make him do her bidding. She reached behind his back, feeling around his waist.
"Mei Meili!" he cried. "This is completely unacceptable. What are you doing? You just said yourself that men and women don't touch!"
"Ta da!!" she triumphantly withdrew his sword from its scabbard and skipped away from him.
"What the hell? Give that back this instant! I'm deadly serious Mei Meili," he charged after her. "That's very danger…"
She cut him off mid-sentence.
"Don't come near me Tan Bowen. If you do, I might hurt myself with this," she said with a flourish, waving the sword around dangerously, and slicing it rapidly through the air.
"Alright, alright Mei Meili," he said, trying to placate her. "I'm not coming over there. Okay, okay. See, I'm just going to sit down right here. How's this? Is this good?"
"Yes," she nodded approvingly. "You sit right there. I'm going to do a dance for you."
"Sure, sure. You do a dance Mei Meili. That's a great idea. Just put the sword down first please, okay?"
"Put the sword down? No way Tan Bowen! How can I do a sword dance without a sword?"
"Oh … well, it's not safe to do a sword dance when you're drunk, Mei Meili. Pick a different dance for me, okay?"
But it was too late. Mei Meili stripped off her outer robe with a quick slice of the knot.
As it fluttered to the ground, she gave the hateful robe some extra slices for good measure. It fell to the floor like a tattered rag.
Tan Bowen covered his eyes and peered fearfully up at her through his open fingers. Oh my god! She was wearing a thin white under-robe, which clung tightly to her beautiful figure.
To make matters worse, she pulled roughly at the man's top knot she wore, removing the guan that held it in place, and her long, thick hair, tumbled down around her like a sensual cloud.
Tan Bowen peeped through his fingers again. This time he let out a loud squeak. "Eeep! Mei Meili. After all, I am still a man you know? And a very human one at that," he rubbed the spot between his brows.
"What does that mean? Of course I know that. What else would you be, a monkey?"
"It means, you should remain clothed while you're around me. I'm not a saint."
"I am clothed. What is this, if not clothes?" she rubbed the thin white fabric between her fingers.
Before he could protest again, she started her sword dance. It was unlike any sword dance he'd ever seen before in his life.
The sword started to spin in her hand in time to the lively music, like it was a child's toy. She skipped across the balcony and did a full split leap, pointing the sword at Tan Bowen. His eyes widened in surprise as he ducked.
She sashayed backwards away from him in a 'come hither' manoeuvre that just about broke him. Tan Bowen put his hand on his chest, which was paining him now.
Then she did an aerial cartwheel. What the hell! Was she a martial artist?
He tried desperately to loosen his collar, feeling unbearably hot all of a sudden.
She spun forward, throwing the sword in the air while she did a front walkover, re-catching it as she stood.
Tan Bowen's mouth was now hanging open.
He started to register a lot of noise coming from the canal. He peered over to the balcony to see at least three boatloads of men had stopped their punting and were balanced on the edge of their boats, craning forward to see Mei Meili better. The all-male audience was loudly clapping and cheering each trick she performed.
Meanwhile, Mei Meili continued to spin and leap, more gracefully than any trained acrobat. The sword now spun on the palm of her hand like a top.
"Bravo, bravo beauty!" came the shouts from the boats.
He looked down again. It appeared to be a large group of Confucian scholars.
Mei Meili gracefully posed with the sword now pointing skywards while she did a stag leap, her long hair flying behind her.
More raucous clapping and shouting from the boats.
Now she did an aerial backwards walkover, leaping at least a metre into the air, her beautiful toes pointed, feet perfectly arched.
A newly arrived boat crashed into one of the three parked boats.
Loud screams and shouts came from the canal as the two boats capsized, throwing scholars into the water.
Tan Bowen was beside himself now.
"Look at you," he said despairingly to her. "Instead of a face to launch a thousand ships, it's a face to sink a thousand ships."
To his dismay, Meili stopped her dance and started to cry.
"Why must you say that, Tan Bowen," she sobbed. "I know I don't have a nice face. Why must I be so ugly Tan Bowen?" she cried. "I wish I could be a man like you. I want to be your real friend. As close as anything."
"Do you mean my real girlfriend? Like my betrothed perhaps?" he asked hopefully, patting her comfortingly on the back.
"No. I mean your friend," she emphasised.
Had he just been friend-zoned?