Yes, I said I will tell Lucien about our kids next week.
Maybe, two weeks have passed since then, and I still haven't brought it up. To be fair, I have been avoiding which has been successful because he went to New York for those two weeks which was exactly why I did not tell him, or so I told myself.
To be honest, he came back to Connecticut, and has been here for a week, and I still have not told him.
I have been to busy, so I don't have time to fraternize with my ex. My mother and best friend Ama have been asking me if he knows, but one look at my face reveals that he hasn't been told, and left to me, will never be. They have both expressed their fears of Lucien finding out my kids on his own, but I can barely stay in the same place with him.
I sigh and look for more ideas on how marketing will go. I roll my eyes when I am stuck on the same thing for over ten minutes.
The idea of telling Lucien about my kids have made me so jumpy. I despise the feeling of keeping my children away. They had asked to be brought to work, but I cant risk him finding out about them.
I doubt he even wants kids, plus he will think the kids are not his. My mama will say I am making excuses simply because I am too scared to face the truth which is fact, but I'll rather not think about it that way.
I go through work faster than flash because I am picking my kids from school. Luckily, I finish work early to go and meet my children who have been looking forward to me picking them up.
This is usually one of the things I look forward to every Friday because I leave work early to pick up my kids.
The weekend passed in a blur which saddened me. I loved my work, but I preferred although you can't really say staying at home guarantees rest since I am a mum, but I do love spending time with my kids and Ama.
I am going to work in a good mood because thankfully, my offspring did not fight on their way to school. I almost shed a tear of joy. My mother finds it funny and says it serves me right because apparently, my brothers and I nearly killed her. Her words, not mine.
I am in a good mood until I see him. My step falters lightly, but I paste a fake smile on my lips, and greet my co-workers.
I hear Lisa say, "How are your kids?"
At that question, Lucien's smile narrows, and he seems shock that I actually have kids.
My heart starts to beat fast, and he looks at me in question, but I smile slightly even though I'm sure it looks like a wince.
"Your kids?" Lucien asks like it is the most surprising thing in the world. I mean, hello, I have kids. You do too, but you just don't know.
I nod and he looks surprised by that. "They are fine," I reply Lisa. As if on cue, he follows me to my office, and asks, "Since when do you have kids?"
I roll my eyes and keep my voice steady. "Since I wanted one. I just got blessed with two."
"You're married? I did not see any ring on your finger," he says dumbly.
"Not that it is any of your business, but I am not married," I reply.
"So how do you now have kids?" He asks as if he wasn't the best graduating student at Harvard.
I roll my eyes. "You know, when a man and a woman meet each other, and do-"
Okay, okay, I get it. My question was dumb," he says finally.
"Exactly. I wondered if your mum skipped that lesson," I reply.
"I wish she did. How many kids do you have?"
"Two," I reply as if I'm not dying inside. "A boy and a girl. They are twins," I reply.
He looks at me and asks, "How old are they?"
I don't drop eye contact, and I lie, "They are three." If he knows they are five, he will piece things together.
"What about their father?" He asks as if it's his concern.
"He was a one night stand, and I knew nothing about him," I lie confidently and easily feeling slightly bad, but brushing that feeling away. He doesn't need to know about them.
He swallows and says, "Oh. No wonder you didn't want to go out with me to catch up on things."
I roll my eyes. "Or maybe, the reason I didn't want to catch up on things, is because I don't want to rehash my past. Which you are."
He flinches at that, and I say, "As much as I love talking about my kids, they are none of your business, and to be honest, I don't want to talk about our past or what not. I'm too busy and tired for that. It is too little, too late. Is there anything else you want to say to me that is important?"
He narrows his gaze at me, clears his throat and says, "For now, no. Although, we will have to talk about the marketing strategy."
I nod, and say, "I am aware. You can go now."
The moment he leaves my office, I breathe out a sigh of relief. He suspected nothing, and I lied effortlessly. There is no way I am going to tell him about the twins yet. I have to be sure he wants to father them, and be there for them. For now, they are mine, and as much as I want to keep it that way, my kids deserve to have a father. I just have to be sure Lucien will be there for them. I put my face in my hands and shudder at the thought of him knowing about them. I know how bad his reaction will be, but I'm hoping it'll be okay.