Silence reigned in Andy's car. Ivy, sitting on the front seat was leaning on the door, face facing the window. The calm and silence relaxed her, as she gazed through the window, admiring the view, she knew it was going to end. The moment she would get out of the car, the peace she was feeling was going to end.
Her gaze shifted to friend, sitting behind the wheel. Though appearing concentrated on what was in front of him, she knew he had something in mind, something he was struggling getting out. It wasn't had to guess what it was.
"Is this also part of your plan?" She asked leaning further in her seat.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb with me. All this, despite wanting me to relax and have fun, you also wanted me to bond with your women. I'm asking you if us being alone in the car is also part of it."
"And why would you think that?"
"First, I know you guys to perfection."
He chuckled, "You think?" He asked the obvious. Of course she knew them better than themselves.
"You plan this day. Plan to go to the basketball field yet said nothing seeing my attire which was nothing to play with. It means you wanted me to stay on the bench with girls since they don't know nor would want to play. Conclusion is simple, you wanted me to spend time with them," she explained.
"We can't keep things from you huh?"
"No," she stated. " So, is it part of your plan?" She asked again.
"Normally, you should have gone with Liam instead." He gave up on trying to hide it. What was the used?
"I should have been the one with Shirley and Bella. We didn't plan Shirley feelings down which had Liam completely forget about our plans." he wasn't angry. He understood perfectly his decision, was merely stating facts.
"Oh," was all she said. The thought of Liam choosing Shirley over her stung her heart more than it should. Not for someone who wants to forget about him. She did her best to ignore it and not dwell on in it. It would only become worst.
"To think you helped her. You, Ivy Stone helping Shirley out, I still can't wrap my head over it. I'm sure Liam won't when he get to know that."
"What did you want to talk to me about?" She asked instead. Done with Shirley. She already has her fair share of her for the day.
Andy smile fell, he gripped the wheel with force, " I know you don't want to talk about it-"
"Yet you still insist into talking about it."
"-and what you said yesterday was true." he continued, ignoring her comment "But I can't just get over it like this. Yes, we didn't ask your opinion in regards of Shirley and Bella, even though knowing you didn't like them but it's completely different. Can't be compared."
"And how is it different?" she asked, facing him. She saw nothing different between each scenarios. They got to choose their life partner without taking in her opinion nor without explaining why except the fact they loved them. Why didn't she get the same treatment?
"How is it different from you don't wanting my opinion about your partners?"
"First, it has nothing to do with not wanting but all with it not been reasonable." she rolled her eyes.
"And it's different for the context. We didn't went along choosing someone who is completely the opposite, or nothing of what we have thought you wanted. Went didn't you want kids? Or want to be with a grandpa?"
"I told that was a mistake, and –"
"I have known you all my life Ivy. From the time we were in diapers till now. I have been with you all through your phases; the princess phase, rebellion phase, gothic phase, the Barbie phase, the man phase." He gave her a point look. The last one being the worst of all.
"All this I have been by your side and never once had your desire to have kids changed and now out of the sudden, you don't want it anymore? You hate them? Why?"
"Why?" Ivy repeated.
"The question here is why is it a big deal ? And I don't hate them but I don't think it only on that one should base on whether on having children or not. I won't be a good mother, I'm not a good person, how can I be a good mother?" As that lie left her mouth, for a second she wondered why she wasn't telling him the truth? Why wasn't she telling him it wasn't that she didn't want but she couldn't. It was a decision forced on her which she had no control over.
Why wasn't she telling this? The second the question was asked, the answered came immediately. Pity. She didn't want them to have pity for her. Their said eyes and look of pity would be the last struck, it would completely broke her. Her last force would be crushed.
"Not a good person? And Liam and I are saints?" he asked bewildered.
There were no way she actually said what he heard. Ivy Stone questioning herself? On whether or not she was a good person? Could pigs fly?
"Yet, still, we are going to be parents. The best we can and make them happy. We aren't the best person out there but we could be that for them. I'm selfish enough to make that decision despite who I am. And I know you can too. You will be a good mother Ivy."
Of course she could be a good mother. She had that conviction because she knew, she knows how to love. She would have loved them with all her heart and put them first, always. It was that fact that pain her more, she would have been a good mother.
"Your decision Andy. Fine! Good for you but don't push it on me. I don't go around tell you to don't have kids. It's your life and your decision to make. So accept mine and don't push on anymore. I'm doing no wrong, to no one. I don't see while you all react like this. To the point that idiot of Shirley try to talk me out."
"She did?" He asked surprised. She was usually reserved, couldn't pictures her getting on a debate with Ivy.
"She did and thanks for her, I was in my 'being kind' phase or else I would have ate her up. Crushed her into ashes."
Andy laughed, "Yet you instead helped her."
"I most have gone insane, for real. I don't know what got into me." And it was the most sincere thing she said since the beginning of their conversation. She had no idea on what got into her. Why she took the initiative to help her when she wasn't asked first. It was beyond her.
"Perhaps the same thing that made you ignore Liam all day long?" he started another issue in hand giving up on the first one. He won't get any more information.
"I haven't been ignoring him," she argued.
"You totally were! Till the point he acted like a lost puppy who found his master the moment you called for him. Though very funny to look at, it was unpleasant to see him down because of your behaviour. Why are you doing this?"
"You asked me to forget about him right? It's what I'm doing," at least, trying to do.
"Really,?" He asked happy. Finally hearing what he always wanted to.
"But in what does it have to do with you ignoring him?"
"I have to put distance between us. That simple."
"Distance, not treating him like inexistent." He deadpanned.
"I don't get you. When I'm finally doing what you advise you complain, when I don't , you complain. What left for me to do?" frustration evident in her voice.
It was a huge battle with herself to go with the plan. It was torture not to go to his side, to talk to him. To act cold towards him. When she saw the look he made when she gave the teddy bear to Bella, all her will power almost fell off and have her snatch it back and give it to him but she had to control herself. She did it thinking it was the right way to go and now it seems like not?
"Does it has to be the extreme opposite of the other? You can put some distance but not treating him as if he wasn't important to you. You are important to him and your behaviour hurt him. Please, don't do that again."
"I was just trying to show some respects to their relationship," Andy looked at her shocked.
He realized, she was really trying to get over Liam. Was it having to do with anything she has been hiding from them? He wondered. He wasn't gullible enough to believe only work was stressing her and making her distance herself from them.
"I thought behaving as such would show him I respected his couple," she knew she never did.
She was always getting in the middle. Always acting overly close to him. Seeking for his attention, his touches, his time, every time she got the occasion. Shirley been present or not. All she wanted was to have him for herself. Liam often went along with it, seeing it simply as a sign of affection with his friend, his sister. While his thoughts were innocent, hers wasn't .
"Not like this. Forget about him but please don't distant yourself from him. The simple fact you decided to go with me instead of him was already enough to make him cry. He is used to your usual behaviour, saw nothing wrong in it and you not doing it anymore sounds wrong to him."
Now she was lost. What was there for her to do? When she tries to show some respects to their relationship, she was asked to continue in her path, keep acting as if he had no woman when he was soon to get married.
"I will tell you this. Though I shouldn't but since you were kind enough to talk to me and don't just push me away like I thought. I will tell you."
Ivy looked at him, all ear.
"The jacket you said you threw away, and even insulted. It was a gift from Shirley."
"She was the one who threw it away," Ivy corrected.
"True but that Liam didn't know, yet he wasn't angry. Instead he was only concern about your well being. If someone else, he would have saw red but no anger grew in his heart by your action. You see how much value and importance he gives you? Please, didn't hurt him anymore,"
Ivy remain silent, digesting his words. What was left for her to do? Herself didn't want to, her heart was barely able to take in the way she treated him today. All she wanted was to hug him but she stopped herself. If she wanted to get over him, she should stop acting like she usually does. Overly affectionate. At least it was what she thought. Was there another way she could go by, and forget about the love she could never have?