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"It was a particularly rainy day. All I could remember were the red siren lights blurred by the raindrops on the road. The smell of blood and a faint, damp odor made me nauseous, yet I couldn't release the body I was holding. I heard a whisper I couldn't clearly remember yet, it boiled my blood."
******
"I'm Himura Yukito". But I usually get called by using useless, trash and so on. The family I'm living in...the family I used to live in was like any other normal family.
Happy occasions, good dinner and loving parents ,but those aspects didn't fit me. These parents weren't my real parents. Since, my mother had a disease that made her unable to give birth 'I was adopted'.
'I didn't remember anything before I was adopted but sometimes I had nightmares- really cruel, terrifying nightmares that I couldn't recall.'
And my parents usually change the topic whenever I bring up the question, "where did I come from?"
'This happy family I had changed course after the incident that happened five years ago.'
'I was told my mother died saving me from a runaway truck. My mother- I don't know why, but she seemed magical in my life.'
'Yukito' my mother always called my name with affection. She always said that my name 'Yukito' was a name that suited me the best and the one who named me that must've been a good namer.
'I usually laughed it off since I had no idea who named me or who my biological parents were.'
'But not once have I regretted getting into this family. We were so happy, that was only until she died.'
'My father blamed it all on me. He hated me so much that his gaze on me would be so scary that I couldn't dare to look him eye to eye.'
'After my mother's death, my father gradually grew away from me, and I grew more and more distant from society.'
'I started to live alone,I retreated into solitude, my once vibrant room now a hollow shell, echoing with the silence of lost laughter and unshared memories away from my father.'
'He managed my financial needs, he always deposits money into my account once a month 'cause he always said that, this was his duty he needed to do'
'But there was one spark that appeared before me in that lonly life.'
"Tachibana Asuna" when I entered high school, I couldn't get along with anyone I was usually bullied but I didn't give it much thought.'
'One day, when I was being bullied as usual at the school backyard, "she" appeared like a goddess , a goddess that was born from calamity.'
'Her ruby red eyes that looked into my eyes, glimmered my existence. Her long black hair filled the void in my eyes. Her cold demeanor that passed my eyes. They were all something that appeared out of a dream.'
"She seemed magical in my eyes"
'That was the only thought that ran through my mind during the entire scene. I heard that she was the student council president. That explains how she was that brave.'
'I wanted to thank her for saving me when no one had even bothered to look at me. So, I mustered up all my courage to go and speak to her.'
'And there I was standing in front of the student council room door. I was scared to meet that goddess again but at the same time I wanted to meet her.'
'I knocked on the door. I couldn't forget the sight of that goddess now she appeared before me again.'
"Who are you?".
That was the question she asked me with her cold yet kind voice.
"I-I'm Himura Yukito, a-a first year student". I muttered nervously to her answer.
"Himura -kun, what business do you have with the student council?"
It was nerve wracking just being able to talk to her.
"I-I wanted to thank you for saving me that day from those bullies"
"Oh, you were that gloomy guy who was being bullied. Don't sweat it, it's only natural for a upperclassmen to look after her junior. But be careful here onwards okay. I'll be looking forward being friends with you."
"M-Me too"
'That was our first proper encounter.'
'We hung out more often. It was fun, it was like I had regained my happy past again.'
'It was that happy instance that I forgot this happiness isn't something that would suit me.'
'It was a rainy and I forgot my umbrella. Asuna had brought an umbrella, she was a kind hearted girl. She wasn't bothered by sharing an umbrella with someone like me.'
'It was an unusually rainy day in summer day, when I remembered something.'
Fragments of memories flickered through my mind like old film reels-her laughter, her warmth and her death-each recollection piercing me like shards of glass
'I felt a push from behind. That was when I realized, "I was not allowed to experience any happiness."
'A burglar who was on the run, stabbed Asuna with dagger in her chest.'
'She was not supposed to be the one to get stabbed. Asuna saved me from getting stabbed.'
'Her sacrifice hung over me like a shroud, a constant reminder of how I had failed to protect the one person who had believed in me.'
"WHY! WHY! WHY! DID YOU DO THAT?!, WHY DID YOU SAVE ME?! "I shouted out of panic.
Her last words were,"It's a upperclassmen's duty to look after her junior, isn't it?. Live happy Yukito"
'She took her last breath and died in my hands'
'My hands looked like a white wall flicked red paint with Asuna's blood. The rain wasn't big enough but every drop felt like shards of glass. The droplets blurred my eyes. The umbrella was blown away like a stray balloon. The burglar was caught by a police but, Asuna's body gradually became pale cold in my hands.'
"A deep ache welled up inside me, a storm of sorrow crashing against my chest, yet my eyes remained dry, as if my grief had turned to stone."
'I heard a whisper again, just like the one I heard when my mother died. I don't know what whisper was about but, It made me angry for some reason.
'It was an anger I couldn't contain, igniting a fierce anger that burned against the backdrop of my grief.'
'I wanted to know what that whisper was about, who it came from but I had no time to do that.'
'My mother, Asuna. Those two were the people I loved most in my life. They were magical to me. They made my existence special'
"BUT, BOTH OF THEM DIED SAVING ME!!."
'After that, I spent two years locked up in my house. The realization of that I'm not allowed to experience happiness made me miserable'
'Happiness felt like a distant shore, forever out of reach, as if the universe conspired to keep me tethered to this ocean of sorrow.'
'A heaviness settled over me, like an anchor pulling me deeper into an abyss, making it hard to breathe as waves of despair washed over me.'
"I don't want to live this life anymore"
"Each day felt like a struggle against a tide of grief, dragging me down, whispering that perhaps the world would be better off without my burden."
"I'm so fed up with this life"