"I'm fed up with this life."
*******
'Is there any meaning for me to live. I mean no one care if I die anyway.'
Yukito lay on his bed, the walls of his room closing in like a cage. The faint glow of his phone illuminated the darkness, casting long shadows that seemed to stretch and claw at him.
He stared at the fridge in his mind, a metaphor for his own emptiness. Memories of his mother's cooking flooded back—rich aromas of simmering spices and warm rice filling the air, moments when home felt like a safe haven.
"Mother". Haa.... why do I have to remember it now. She always prepares food for me which is 'the best' in the entire world. The food's aroma always feels up my nose whenever I return home from school. That's moment I would feel "haa I'm home again."
"Why does it feel so distant?" he whispered, the words hanging in the stale air. The silence of the room echoed back, amplifying his loneliness.
'I walked to the fridge but somehow I felt something that's dragging me down like gravity. But I didn't pay it any mind since I was in the bed all day.'
"Shit! The fridge is empty. Why must it be today Arghhhh!."
'Since I don't like going out. I go to the convenience store once a week to buy my groceries.'
He locked the door and came out of the floor. As he stepped outside, the night greeted him with a shroud of cool air, the streets eerily quiet. The dim streetlights flickered like distant stars, illuminating the cracked pavement beneath his feet. Each step felt heavy, as if the ground itself resisted his movement.
"What a contrast," he thought, glancing up at the swirling clouds. "Why must everything feel so heavy?"
He quickened his pace, heart racing as he navigated the unfamiliar path.
'Its past 10pm, I don't want to meet anyone on my way to the store. That was what I thought until I saw the people on the main road.'
"Why in the heck is it so noisy in the middle of the night."
"It's kind of cloudy today. I hope it won't rain until I go home."
'Ever since those two events happened, I kind of get panic attacks whenever it rains on me I feel that everything is getting washed away from like the mask I built up excuses and I lies that helped me to move on. It makes me feel insecure. It makes me feel that everyone will get further further away from me if they see my true self.'
"I'm scared"
"I just need to keep my breath for a few minutes since the store is past two streets. Just hang in there."
Yukito stopped suddenly and was shocked by a certain unfamiliar view
"Haa.... really, me? Me of all people got lost!!!!. I mean, I couldn't possibly get lost, I frequent to that shop every week."
"Fine, what can I do. First I'll try to find the correct way."
As he continued walking, it got darker and darker like the road was being engulfed by darkness. He stopped for a second to admire the scenery that he was seeing.
"A bridge?"
"A bridge in the middle of the city?. First of all where in the heck is this place?"
He quickly grabbed the smart phone in his pocket and searched his location and that's when something interesting pops up in his screen.
"A haunted bridge"
"Looks like this is a very popular children's playground. Who even believe in spirits these days."
He walked towards the bridge. He walked slowly but surely. Soon, he reached the centre of the bridge. He looked down. Something was pulling him, towards the river. Like the gravity.
"What is this feeling? It's like something is calling me, this feeling feels like home."
When he stumbled upon the bridge, it loomed before him like a ghost from another world. The iron railings were rusted, echoing whispers of forgotten stories. As he walked closer, the air thickened with an otherworldly chill.
"what is this bridge? "
Confusion swirling in his mind. The river below churned restlessly, reflecting the muted light of the stars. The sensation of something calling to him grew stronger, like a gentle pull on his heartstrings, promising solace.
"I want to jump deep down the river. I feel that's where I belong, in the cold yet comforting water."
'It felt like fate, how I miracously ended up at that bridge, like someone has someone has been writing my story. I wanted to jump. Escape from all these miseries, all the gazes that has been staring at me all this time, the stares that have been judging me. I wanted to be free from it all.'
"No one's going to care about me anyway so, its fine right. Fine for me to be free from this all. Mother, Asuna please wait for me, I'll be with you soon okay."
Yukito somehow had a smile on his face. Maybe that was his happiness joining with his loved ones. He wasn't what it meant to be loved or to love but he was sure that if something like love exists then that fleeting emotion in his heart would be love.
Yukito climbed onto the fence, the metal cold against his palms. He could feel the weight of the world pressing down on him, but at that moment, it felt as though everything fell away. Time slowed, the sound of his heartbeat loud in his ears, drowning out the chaos of the world.
"So it won't rain when I die huh? Goodbye, I hope this is the end of my fate."
"Goodbye, everyone,"
A strange calm washing over him. He looked up at the dark sky, searching for a sign, a reason to hold on. The stars flickered like distant memories, and he felt a flicker of warmth in his chest—was it hope or despair?
Then, he jumped. The world fell away, and for a brief moment, he soared. The rush of air was exhilarating, the freedom he had longed for enveloping him like a warm embrace. As he fell, a smile spread across his face, an expression of release from the burdens he had carried for so long.
But the water was shockingly cold, swallowing him whole as he plunged into its depths. The surface shattered, and darkness enveloped him. As he sank deeper, the initial thrill faded, replaced by an eerie calm
'I felt free, as if the cold water enveloped me it felt as if it was embracing me from the all the miseries. But something didn't feel right. I kept on drowning, as if I was drowning inside a endless void. I couldn't breathe but I didn't feel suffocated.'
In the depths, everything transformed. The cold water wrapped around him like a shroud, the darkness pressing in, yet there was a strange beauty in the silence.
Yukito opened his eyes to a surreal vision—shadows danced around him, twisting and twirling like phantoms, and he felt himself being pulled into a realm where pain ceased to exist.
Caught between reality and a dream. The sensation of drowning transformed into an embrace, as if the water understood his sorrow, cradling him in a timeless void.
"What the hell is this, What the hell am I seeing right now?"
******