I try to think of anything he means that isn't as unholy as I am imagining. "What? Personal? What do you mean?" My eyebrows furrow as my heart beats fast.
He chuckles, his finger slowly tracing a line along my jaw. He leans in even closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Oh, Lisa, you're acting quite coy, aren't you? As if you don't know what I mean." Nikolai brushes a strand of hair away from my face, and my fingertips linger on my skin. "Let me ask you a very straightforward question, Lisa Volkov. Do you know why I specifically requested you to come to my room to discuss this? Why not an actual priest if I were truly being haunted?"
That touch—oh my God, that touch! Please stop feeling so tempting and so good. I am trying to be a good Christian. "No, I don't know. Care to share?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.
If I wasn't so frozen, I would have made the sign of the cross. But I hold on to my rosary, trying to calm myself down.
He lets out a soft sigh. He leans in even closer, his lips almost brushing against my ear, his voice sultry and breathy. "Oh, Lisa, you really are quite innocent, aren't you? Very well, I'll make this as clear as I possibly can." He takes my hand in his, his fingers intertwining with mine. "I called you, Lisa Volkov, specifically because I simply could not resist the sight of you. I was so utterly captivated. I saw your rosary last night and this morning and knew you had to be a devoted Christian to even own and wear that. So, I decided to invite you to stay in my room and talk to me because I had no other excuse at the moment."
My heart skips a beat, and every nerve in my body goes on high alert. I try to hold on to the last shreds of self-control I have and listen to that little voice in the back of my head telling me this is all wrong and that I shouldn't let a married man touch me. "Oh my God, Sir? What in God's name are you doing?" I try to push him away, which only makes him chuckle deeply.
He grips my hand tighter, refusing to let go. He leans in even closer, his voice sultry and persuasive. "Now, now, Lisa, there's no need to be so shy. It's just the two of us, after all." He traces his finger along my cheek, feeling the smooth skin under his touch. "Don't you find the thought of us captivating as well, hmm?" Where he touches, goosebumps follow, and his touch flows through my entire body like an electric current.
"Sir, you're married." I don't even recognize my own voice because of how it sounds, as if there is desire in it.
He smirks, unbothered by my comment. "Ah, yes, married. I know all about that. But, Little Love, does it really matter when we are both here, so close, so intimate?" He runs his fingers through my hair, his touch gentle but insistent. However, I shake my head. I should stop this while I still have some drop of common sense and sensibility. "You have been misguided, sir. I am a Christian; I have a commandment to follow regarding adultery, and you shouldn't break that commandment with me or anyone else. I will not make you break that commandment because adultery is a sin. I am not your wife; you are a married man, married to someone else. The Bible condemns such relations."
He chuckles, acting amused by my attempt to use my faith to resist him. He moves even closer, his body now almost flush against mine. "Yes, yes, I know all about adultery and the church's stance on it. And yet, here you are, Lisa, in my room, alone with me, ready to break that commandment." He slides my hand down, my fingers tracing the curve of my neck, his touch light but undeniable. I feel myself getting lost in the moment.
I try to push him away as a way to resist this feeling before it overwhelms me and I give in. "Sir, stop this madness."
He grabs my arms as I attempt to push him away, his grip firm yet gentle. He moves even closer, his body pressing against mine and against the wall. "Ah, Lisa, don't say I didn't warn you." He leans in, his lips ghosting over my neck, his breath hot against my skin.
I freeze.
He feels my body stiffen against his, a shiver running down my spine at his touch. He smiles against my neck, my lips brushing my skin as he murmurs, "Shh. Just relax. Let yourself feel something other than piety, just for a moment."
He unzips the front of my maid dress for better access to my neck, and just when he's done, I shake my head. "No. Stop, please." He halts, his lips hovering mere millimeters away from my sensitive skin. He looks up, our gazes locking, a mixture of longing and restraint in his eyes. "Are you sure, Little Love? Are you sure you want me to stop? Because if you don't, I won't. I promise."
"This is wrong." I try to cover my exposed chest as the zipper runs all the way to my stomach. He watches as I attempt to cover myself, a small smirk playing on his lips. He reaches up and gently pulls my hands away, exposing my chest once more. "Is it really, though? Is it really as wrong as you think? Or are you simply afraid of what you might feel if you let yourself go, just for a moment?"
I remember that my mom and I have been kicked out on the streets and lost everything because my father decided to have a mistress. And then, he chose her over us. I don't want to become that woman and do to another family what was done to us. "I don't know you, Sir..." Damnit! Why does my voice sound like that? I don't even sound so sure of my response. I don't sound like I am resisting, it sounds like I am inviting him to get to know each other.
Nikolai smiles, his eyes fixed on me as his fingertips trace patterns over my exposed chest. I lean in, my voice lower and softer, filled with a hint of vulnerability. "And yet, here we are, alone in my room. Isn't that curious, Little Love? Perhaps it doesn't matter whether we know each other or not. Perhaps all that matters is this moment, this connection… this desire."
I hold my breath. In my head, I have an angel and devil on each shoulder. The devil is urging me to give into the desire, the feeling. She whispers, 'if it feels this good with just one touch, how does it would feel if you let him keep going, if you let him touch you even more. Maybe he could even touch you there.' The angel, however, is not backing down without a fight. 'What do you think you are doing? Are you allowing yourself to get tempted by a married man? Remember the commandment? Are you going to be the reason this man commits adultery and breaks the sixth commandment? Heavens will not forgive you, you will go to hell. Your mother will be so disappointed in you if you do to another woman what was done to her.'
That snaps me from the trance I am falling into and I look at Nikolai, trying to keep a serious, determined face. I try to keep my voice steady and firm, not showing any emotions or giving anything away as I say, "I don't desire you. This is a sin. For all I know, the demon you were talking about possessed you, and that's why you're acting like this."
He lets out a soft laugh, his fingers tracing up my chest, up my collarbone, until they rest just below my chin, gently tilting my head up to meet his gaze. He looks at me intently, my eyes locked with his in a deep, smoldering stare making me hold my breath. "Oh, Lisa, it's not possession that's making me act this way. It's desire—a desire for you, a desire to feel your skin under my touch, to hear your voice whispering my name…" He then chuckles lowly. "And there is no demon; I just wanted you here, and I got you here."
"Jesus Christ!" I exclaim.
He chuckles softly at my exclamation, his fingers tracing over my lips, silencing me gently. "No, Lisa, don't bring Him into this. This is just between you and me. No God, no higher powers, just us in this moment."
I feel myself cracking and almost give in so I do what I feel is the only thing that can keep me from this temptation. I close my eyes quickly and start saying the Lord's Prayer. "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come; Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."
I open my eyes after I say 'Amen' and I see Nikolai is watching me recite the prayer, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. He doesn't dare interrupt, but he moves closer, his body now flush against mine, his breath hot against my neck as he whispers, "Oh, Little Love, are you truly trying to resist me? Do you really think some ancient prayer can quench the fire that's burning within you?"
That smirk is making me weak in the knees, almost making me melt into a puddle. "No. I will not fall into temptation and break a commandment." He chuckles, the sound low and sultry. I bring his lips to my ear, his words hot against my skin. "Oh, but don't you see, Lisa? You've already succumbed to temptation. You're here, alone with me, allowing me to touch you, letting my fingers trail over your skin, feeling the heat radiating from your body. You've given in, even if you refuse to admit it."
I realize that that is exactly what I am doing so I quickly push him away. "You are a sinner. You need to repent for your sins. I can help you. I can help you repent and ask God for forgiveness. Don't let the devil tempt you into sin, into adultery, into fornication."
He stumbles back slightly as I push him away, taken aback for a moment by my sudden assertion. He quickly composes himself, a small smirk playing at the corners of his lips. "Ah, Lisa… you're so sweet, so naive. You think you can help me? You think you can save me? Oh, love, I'm afraid it's too late for that. I've already tasted the sweetness of sin, and I don't think I can give it up so easily."
In my head, I am thinking, maybe if he goes to church and knows and learns about the same things I know, he will not do this again. He will know that it's a sin and not try do to this with me. No matter how tempted I am when he touches me. "But I can help you. I can help you cleanse yourself of your sins. I can take you to my church so you can confess and be saved. It's not too late. Adultery is wrong. It's a sin that will lead you to hell." He laughs at my conviction, his voice filled with a mixture of amusement and mockery. "Ah, yes, of course. My sins. But tell me, Little Love… what if I don't want to be cleansed? What if the sweetness of sin, the taste of doing the wrong thing, is exactly what I crave?"
"But you'll end up in hell on Judgment Day," I whisper.
He steps closer to me, his footsteps deliberate and slow. "Oh, yes, I'm well aware of the consequences. But, you see, the path to eternal damnation can be quite enjoyable, full of pleasure and delights. It's the path of pure, unblemished innocence that seems boring. Don't you think so, love?"
Is it?... It's just a clean life that will lead you to heaven. "I… You and I have different values. But if you ever want to repent, the offer to take you to church is wide open."
I want to turn around, open the door, and leave. "I should go now." But as I turn to leave, he reaches out and grabs my wrist, his grip firm but gentle. "Hold on, Lisa, you're not leaving just yet. Not until you answer one question."
I stop in my tracks and turn to look at Nikolai. "What is it, Sir?"
He steps closer, closing the distance between us until our bodies are almost touching once again. He leans in, his lips brushing against my ear as he whispers, "Be honest, Lisa. Don't you feel any attraction towards me, even the slightest temptation? Just a hint of desire?"
Every inch of me reacts to the feeling of his lips grazing my ear as he speaks. It is taking everything in me to even think straight. "That's a sin, sir. Even thoughts like that—unholy thoughts—are a sin."
He hums, amused by my staunch adherence to my beliefs. I release my wrist, trailing his fingers down my arm, his touch gentle but deliberate. "Ah, yes, that's right. Forbidden thoughts and desires. But tell me, does it feel wrong to have me this close? To feel my breath on your skin, my body so near…?"
It actually doesn't feel wrong. The feeling doesn't feel wrong. It's just that, the principle. The situation. The fact that he is a married man.
"I… I… I don't know…"
He smiles, his lips curving up at my hesitation, sensing my inner conflict. "Ah, there it is. Doubt. The first crack in your armor of righteousness. It's there, Lisa, that little twinge of uncertainty, that hint of curiosity. You're not immune to temptation, are you? You're not quite as pure as you pretend to be…"
His words rub me off the wrong way, his teasing tone makes me feel like I am failing in my faith. "No… I… I won't… Oh God, I have an unholy thought. I need to go to church and repent."
He chuckles softly at my inner struggle, shaking his head as he watches me battle with my own thoughts. "Oh, Little Love, you're so fascinating, you know that? You're trying so hard to resist, to push away these unwanted thoughts, and yet, they're there, lingering in the back of your mind. You can't quite escape them, can you?"
I look him in the eye, and I see the desire there, the lust that does things to my insides. "You're… What do you want from me, sir?" I ask the obvious question I should have asked from the beginning.
He steps even closer, until there's barely inches left between us. He reaches up and brushes a strand of hair away from my face, his fingers lingering on my skin. "Oh, I want so little from you, really. Just to let go for a moment. To listen to your body, to feel the desires that you're trying so hard to suppress. Just one taste… Just one moment of indulgence… is that really too much to ask?"
"What you're asking is not only a sin, but also requires me to break a commandment. Even if you're the one married, I would still be sinning by being with a married man."
He nods, his lips curving up in a knowing smile. "I'm fully aware of that, Lisa. I'm not asking you to throw away your beliefs so lightly. I'm asking you to acknowledge your desires, to listen to what your body is telling you, even if just for a moment."
He chuckles, his hand moving to rest gently at the nape of my neck, his fingers tracing lazy circles on my skin. "So, then, let's make a deal. If you allow yourself one moment of impurity, just one small glimpse into the forbidden, I promise not to ask for more. Just a taste, nothing more. Will you give me that, Lisa? Will you surrender to your desires just this once?"
Oh, the temptation. The sweet ruthless temptation that is making it so hard for me to say no.
"Just one time, right?"
He smiles, his eyes glittering with a mixture of desire and amusement. "Yes, just one time. One moment of indulgence, and I'll ask for no more. You have my word."
"Uhm… Okay." I say that before I can even stop myself.
He can't help but smile, a shiver of excitement running down his spine at my response. He moves even closer, his body now pressed up against mine, the heat of our bodies mingling and the scent of his cologne filling the air around us.
"Ah, ah, there's no need to be nervous. Allow yourself to be in this moment. Let go of your hesitation and just feel. Can you do that for me?"
"Uhm… Okay, sir." My voice is shaky, eager, and barely above a whisper.
He smiles at my response, his hands move to the front of my maid dress, his fingers making short work of the front zipper. He slowly zips it down, letting the fabric of my dress fall open, exposing my neck, collarbone, and the upper part of my chest.
"Oh, Christ," I gasp.
He chuckles softly, his eyes raking over my exposed skin as the zipper stops just below my stomach. His breath is hot against my neck, my voice a low, husky murmur as to speak. "Ah, Lisa, don't bring Him into this. We're in a world of just the two of us. Just lust, desire, and you, right here, right now. Are you ready?"
"I... I... I..." I don't know what to say. What is he doing to me? What is this feeling? And why is it so hard to resist it?
He chuckles again, his finger lifting to gently tilt my chin up, making me look straight into my eyes. His voice is gentle yet commanding, filled with barely restrained needs. "Use your words, Lisa. Tell me what you're feeling. Don't hide your thoughts and desires from me. Tell me the truth, tell me you want this."
He moves closer, his body now pressed fully against mine, feeling the heat between us, the beat of his heart against my chest. He brings his lips to my neck, placing gentle, teasing kisses along the line of my throat.
But suddenly, I come to my senses and push him off him, and run out of the room before he can even blink, zipping up my dress as I run down the hallway. Thank God, I didn't run into anyone during my escape.