Hi, my name is Baron. I live a normal life, and I like reading survival guides, survival books, and survival stories. I'm a huge fan of anything related to survival. I watch TV shows and movies about it, and I've always wanted to be thrown into some jungle or remote place due to my extreme obsession with survival.
I don't have too many friends, and being an orphan isn't the greatest thing either. I'm pretty average, I guess. But I finally got my own apartment and am now attending college. On the side, I love writing short stories, and I have a part-time job to help pay off my student loans—which, of course, is just fantastic.
But I never thought something like this would actually happen to me.
One moment, I was in my apartment, and the next... Boom! I got teleported into a barren wasteland. I mean, sure, I always wanted to test my survival skills in a lonely, harsh environment, but goddamn, I wasn't prepared for this! I was taking a crap, and suddenly this little green creature—was it a goblin?—came charging toward me. I thought it was going to bite off my junk or something!
The thing snatched my toilet paper and ran off. I tried to chase it, but then I realized I had crap smeared on my legs, and I wasn't even wearing pants. So, I turned around, picked up my pants, and prayed that my dick wasn't next on the goblin's hit list. As I stood there, I realized I was in the middle of a desert.
"Why now?!" I yelled, frustrated. "Why me?" And seriously, why did the goblin steal my toilet paper?
I started crying, not because of the goblin or the desert, but because I was stuck in this ridiculous situation. I looked back at the toilet—my only companion in this strange, godforsaken place.
But then, off in the distance, I saw it—a glimmering oasis. A new hope! Finally, a friend that wasn't a toilet. I sprinted toward it, faster than I ever had before, with the goblin still chasing me. What was it after now, my shirt? My pants? Who knows. But I reached the oasis, grabbed a leaf, dipped it in the water, and wiped the mess off my legs and pants.
That's when I realized: the goblin had stolen my underwear.
Great. Here I was, stuck in an oasis, surrounded by a desert, with some random goblin stealing my toilet paper and my underwear. What a fantastic day.
Just as I was trying to collect my thoughts and rest for a second, I heard a sound—like a low, guttural growl. It sounded like... a dying cow?