Emma's POV.
I kept steadily regretting letting Chase know anything beyond my name.
With the kind of pictures I had floating around, I was already going out of my mind. I was trying my best to keep from tearing the skin off my bones.
I had the sort of self loathing I experienced back at Starry. My sad, ugly life somehow couldn't stay happy for too long.
Misfortunes were my bad habit. I had problem keeping them off. I walked right into this, that I knew.
Locked up in my room, I was losing control of my mind.
It didn't help knowing that everyone else was so busy with every other thing.
The only person who called by or checked on me was Lily.
She called really early in the morning, sounding sleepy herself.
"Hey." I said, as I picked up the phone.
"Hey baby girl." I replied, sleepy.
"I don't apologize for waking you up. I wanted my voice to be the first you hear, even before yours." Lily was one of the few people who could change my mood.
"That's funny." I said. "How are you holding up?" I asked her.
She told me the story of how she almost bit off her stepdad's ear. She still had fingernail prints on her arms that were just healing.
"I don't know. One hand broke, one hand bloody." She said, Her voice sounded as hoarse as mine.
"You sound like you cried yourself to sleep." Lily was the one person who could use the rest of my tears. We were both having shit rough.
"It's a bad habit." She replied, clicking her tongue.
"Matter of fact, you sound like you never slept." I said again.
"Same old, same old." She replied and laughed dryly.
"Why though?" I asked her. "I'm the one who should be doing all that, Lily. But somehow I haven't brought myself to yet. It really can't be that bad. You're my little perfect friend." I said. "I want to grab you by the waist and tell you how amazing you are, Lily. Somehow, we grew apart, but this is us finding our way back. You warned me, I just never understood. I wish I was in a better place, I want to help you."
"You're too sweet, you make me cry." Lily's broken voice said over the phone. "My dad has cancer." She said finally.
The news shattered me even more.
I stayed silent, hearing her sobs and hiccups. There was literally nothing I could do. Lily's world, as we knew it, was coming to an end.
"This is too much." I croaked.
Birds of a feather really flock together.
"Lily?" I called her name.
"Yeah?" She replied weakly.
"Your dad may not have signed up for cancer, but now he's got a whole squad of nurses and doctors. It's like he's the star of his own medical drama! Don't let us feel bad about it. It's not gonna help anyone. I'll see you by noon?" I asked.
Lily was almost in stitches.
The good thing about misery is that it makes even the most flimsy attempts at humor quite funny.
"Where do you wanna go?" I asked her.
"Hell. It has to be better than where I am right now." She replied.
"You don't mean that." I said. "We're going somewhere fun." I added.
"And where's that? Hell?" She asked.
"Stop with all this hell talk." I screamed, good-heartedly. "I think I wanna party." My hormones were getting the better of me these days.
"Are you crazy?" She asked, laughing.
"Do you think I am?" I asked her.
"Maybe. I think I am too. I'd sure love to rock all the boys with that skirt that hardly covers my bum." She said,
"You're not the Lily I know, but you're the Lily I like, right now at least." I said, laughing.
"Dad's going in for his first round of chemo today." She said, solemnly. "The doctor says there's a fighting chance. We got my brother a babysitter. I'm only too free. I'll be at yours by 11:59 am knocking up a storm in my stilettos and cherry red nail polish." She said and made a seductive grunting noise.
"I can't wait to see you." I said, with tears in my eyes.
"You sound like your eyes are pooled already. Get a tissue, lady. I'll see you later." She said, chirpy. "And oh! I'm still not sorry about waking you up." Lily blew a kiss over the phone and cut the call.
As I lay in bed, I grew extra grateful for having her around.
I had four more hours to be in my head while my world was spinning around.
The news of my pregnancy was about eight hours old, but I still hadn't told my mom. I still hadn't seen her since the previous night when she left the doctor and I together.
I threw a kimono on and wore my slides. We had a moment before going to the hospital, and I was in dire need of her again.
I knocked lightly on her room door and let myself in.
"Hey." I said, laying next to her.
"Hey baby." She wrapped her hands around me, just like old times .
"Are you tired of hearing my problems?" I asked.
"Good morning to you too, Emma." She replied instead.
"I just need to make sure you too aren't running away from me." I crooned.
"And why would I do that?" She asked, tugging at my hair lightly.
"I don't know. I don't exactly have a good aura." I confessed.
"That doesn't make sense, none at all. Now, snuggle up here before more crap flies out of your mouth." She said, pulling me closer.
We remained that way for a while, and when I next awoke, it was to the sound of her closing the door.
"Why are your cheeks so red?" I asked her, squinting from the light that was entering from the adjacent window.
Her room had the next best view, after Mark's. It overlooked the road, with few pedestrians, but it was easy to see anyone enter.
"I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, but Chase is here." She offered.
All the clouds and fog that seemed to settle on me cleared. I hadn't seen him in four days, since it happened.
He had guts coming back to the house, after all that had happened,
Without caring about how bad I looked, I dashed out of her room, deaf to all her appeal. I got into my room and took the ring and necklace that the school janitor handed over to me that day. Apparently, it was 'litter', I begged the old man to have it, but he refused.
I took them both out of my wardrobe and ran downstairs into the garage where he most probably parked.
I saw his car there, and heaved a sigh of relief.
For a minute, I wondered if I really should be seeing him. Or if it was just my heart looking for a way to see him again. It felt wrong, but my legs were stuck and rooted there. I had every intention of seeing him.
For the hundredth time, I studied how the ring sent light scattering in different directions. Just that time around, it wasn't on my finger. I was going to give it back.
It evoked fresh new tears. I'd done a lot of things wrong, and the ring was a reminder of the foremost.
Hopefully I find someone who loves me better.
I was distracted from the whirlwind of thoughts in my head by the sound of his car unlocking.
I had the most difficult confrontation of my life there, in Mark's garage.
I gave him back his ring, I was done!
"I'm sorry baby." My mom says, rubbing my head.
Crushed by the burden of it all, my legs failed me and I crashed as soon as I got back to my mom's.
She screamed hard, but not loud enough to break through my sobs. I didn't want company, I didn't want a pity party, but the pain of a little knife in my heart was bleeding me out. I was broken, and damaged.
After much prodding and sermon, from my mom, most of which I didn't even hear, I dragged myself up from the floor, ready to go to some club with Lily.