After all, all I yearn for is true love. Immortal, true love"
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"My love" Jimin could hear this guy whispering to his ear, making him close his eyes, feeling the love, feeling the tingling vibrations this guy sent through him.
"What's wrong, my dear? You don't look merrier to me." Jimin feels the hot breath of the guy on him as he placed a soft kiss on Jimin's forehead - Jimin could sense that the guy was worried about him, his health and well being.
"Stop" Jimin whispers to the guy, whose hands were cupping Jimin's tenderly. "You do not love me. You are not real. "
"Why say that, my love?" The guy gently caresses Jimin's tender cheeks, his tender, vulnerable face that almost seems to tear the guy up into shreds.
"I am very real. My love is very real. I love you" the guy whispers into Jimin's ears, placing another kiss on his earlobe.
Jimin could see himself sitting on a soft grass where his lover and himself are on a picnic date, the two little parrots chirruping behind his lover with the shining sun and beautiful morning dews adds up to the delicacy of the date they are in.
Jimin snuggles into the guys's embrace as he could feel the guy's strong, built hands spoon him from the behind, making Jimin rest his head on the guy's chest, feeling the heartbeat.
"You are not so vivid, not so blur. Not so enduring, yet so etched." Jimin whispers as he feels his tears string his eyes all over again. "I know you, but I don't."
Jimin turns back to the guy, not so vivid, yet not so blur, the guy whom he could feel, whom he could hear, yet could not see, whispering "yet, you are the one who saves me. Always. And I want to know you."
"You still didn't answer my question, love" the guy points out, as though he didn't hear Jimin's words, Jimin's whispers. "What makes you sad? Let me take it all out."
"It hurts" Jimin whispers, letting the close proximity of them take the best of him at that moment.
"You always say that, my love." His lover's hands found its way to caress Jimin's nape from the back. "You never say why."
Jimin swallows the lump on his throat, gulping at his lover's sudden observation. "I- I am scared."
"Of what? "
"Of-Of people... Of my-my.."
Jimin felt his breath hitch, the pain in his chest growing more and more sharper as he reminisces the painful truth of his life, the painful truth about his anxiety, the emptiness of not being loved, cared, treasured puts more pressure on his chest.
"It's okay, Jimin-ah. You don't need to tell me." Jimin could feel his lover whisper into his ears, not wanting to force him speak. "No pressure."
Jimin feels himself trying to take in deep breaths, relaxing his heart, which was thumping due to the crippling anxiety and gazed his lover into the eyes.
Shame, he does not know how those healing eyes look.
"I am sorry, my love" Jimin whispers, he could not find any other appropriate words to console his stressed lover.
He could see that his lover took in a deep breath, followed by a long sigh "remember, Jimin-ah. You have promised me. Don't... Don't harm yourself, please. For me. For our love."
Jimin shuts his eyes close, feeling the pain in his chest as his lover continues talking through Jimin's silence, "I cannot imagine a life without you. Remember, if you ever feel dejected, unwanted, remember that I need you. I need you in my life."
Jimin's lips crack into a smile- a small yet genuine smile; he is wanted. He is loved. He matters. He-
Jimin squints his eyes to the delicate sunlight, the rays passing through the red curtain of his room, making the entire room shine with a tinge of red in it as he looks around the room with curiousness and hope for his love.
"Why.."
The pain was too unbearable for Jimin - is it too selfish, too self centered, too annoying, too. much to expect, too much of a fantasy when all he needs is to be loved, to have somebody to heal, to have somebody to hold, hug, kiss, drop the weight off his shoulders and let out a long breath of relief?
Is there any magic spell that could bring his dream love to life?
Jimin felt tears blur his vision as he saw red- what should the promise mean, for even the promise remains to be a fucking dream?
He stormed into his bathroom, his breath getting quicker, his chest building up with indescribable pain as he whipped out the razor blade with a haze as he could feel sweat dripping down his forehead.
He pierced the sharp silver blade through his wrists, hissing as the crescent blood started flowing through his veins, into the marble sink- Jimin could see this own distorted reflection through the marble, through the red, scarlet blood- tears were clouding Jimin's eyes as he looked into his own eyes, his own reflection.
He suddenly remembered the promise, though he is aware that the promise is just a part of the echo, he remembers. He is aware that his lover, the promise is just a part of his yearnings, his longings to be loved.
Then why does he feel guilty?
...
"What the fuck do you mean by 'the shipment is interrupted, dammit!?"
A certain raven haired male flinches at the sudden rise of voice, not expecting his day to begin with an outburst from his father. He steadies his breath, which he now realized is now shortened due to the fear and sudden shock, before throwing his father a weak smile - which was greeted with a "do you guys not know how to properly do a job, motherfuckers!?"
The boy sighed, what was he expecting? He turns to his mother, a beautiful woman who he hoped was as sweet as she looks, greeting her with a "good morning, mother."
The woman ignored her son's greetings - nothing unusual, really, before picking up her bags, ready for work.
She stormed towards the door, stopping abruptly before uttering to the raven haired in a hasty voice, "your driver shall get you around college. You shall behave, young man, for I won't be kind enough to consider getting you into another college just because of your irresponsibility and stupidity."
The boy sighed, his doe eyes filling up with sadness and longings, "good morning, Jungkook. How do you feel? Are you excited about your new college?
Yes, mother. thank you.
I hope you make new friends, my baby.
As if someone would even dare to be my friend.."
Jungkook whispered to himself once he could not see his mother off his vision before sighing to himself. He could see the table being decorated with his favorite food, which the chef was kind enough to cook for him, but the disappointment he feels kills the hunger.
He found his way upstairs, he needs a cigar, just one, to get his day going. He feels frustrated already and he cannot afford to visit the first day of his college with a foul mood and smoking just seems to lighten up his mood and enjoy his day further.
He places the cigar between his pierced lips and whipped out a lighter from his pant pocket. He vividly remembers the reason why he was expelled from his previous college, making him frustrated and at unease at the thought of another college. Another nightmare.
He inhaled the smoke sharply, exhaling it slowly, feeling the smoke filling the atmosphere as he felt a sudden guilt run through his spine.
He remembers his dream- yes, the dream from the night before, vividly, as though it had happened before in his life, as though Jungkook had experienced it- Jungkook still could not get over the fact that it was just a mere dream.
If for not the clear sky and dry roads- where in Jungkook's dream the sky was pouring out rivers, Jungkook wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between the dream and reality.
He could not see the boy's facial features, he could not hear how the boy sounds when he talks, but he could feel the boy. He could feel the boy as though the guy's pain and frustration is real, as though the guy's love is real, as though his fondle tinges is real, as though the kiss is real.
"He was not so vivid, not so blur" Jungkook whispers to himself, his current state holding the cigar, which was slowly burning away. "Why do I feel like I know him, but I don't?"
Jungkook takes in another sharp breath of the cigar as he reminisces what the boy whispered into his ears, the whispers still giving him goosebumps.
"Promise me, Jungkook. Swear on me that you won't touch the cigar, ever."
"If shall you break the promise, I'll die-"
Jungkook melted at those words, the words sent shivers down his spine; being cared and loved is the only thing Jungkook yearns for. He had promised his lover- non existent lover that he shall quit smoking for him, for the sake of his love, for his love is worried about his health.
Yet, Jungkook is aware that the boy does not exist. The boy is but a mere dream. A mere dream created out of Jungkook's longings.
Then why does he feel guilty?
Who is that boy, Jungkook wonders to have appealed subconsciously into Jungkook's mind so much that Jungkook believes he could be loved by him, that he could be vulnerable before him, that he could show his weakness, that he could get a fucking promise out of him to not do something Jungkook could not think of going a day without?
Jungkook felt it all, the disappointment that ran through his spine when he found out the bliss was but a mere dream, that the momentary panacea was a mere dream- he was more helpless than he ever was.
Is there any magic spell that would bring that boy into life?
His train of thoughts was interrupted by his driver, who barged onto the balcony with a slight warning, "little master, you are getting late for your college."
Jungkook sighed, getting on with his day as he just hopes this nightmare won't be as dreadful as the previous nightmare.