A knot had tied itself in Ronin's stomach as he lay in his bed, staring mindlessly out the window. The things he had said to Percy rang in his head, guilt following close behind. His fist smacked against the wall before he curled over, nails digging into his palms.
Light spilled into the darkness as his door creaked open. His father stood in the doorframe, hesitating before stepping closer. Ronin covered his chin with his hand, feigning disinterest.
"Hey," his dad said slowly.
Ronin met his gaze.
"I've got pizza downstairs if you want."
"Sure," Ronin replied, eager to escape the tension that had built between them.
The hallway lights pierced through his protective dome as he took each step carefully, avoiding his father's eyes. The warmth from the pizza box radiated through the room, steam rising from the dough.
He followed his father into the next room and settled onto the couch. The TV remote clattered as his dad smacked it against his palm. A sharp buzz filled the air, followed by a broadcaster's voice. Ronin let a dry grin slip as he leaned in to watch the baseball game. His father reclined, watching him with interest. Between bites, Ronin glanced at his father, something unfamiliar and comforting pushing through his chest.
But nothing good ever stayed. His father left again, abandoning Ronin with what he feared most – the broken self he had created. The same self that taunted him with the memories that had broken his trust, the flashing red and blue lights that painted his nightmares, his parent's loud voices, as if he could see their torn faces, and the gut-wrenching screams he never understood but couldn't forget.
That self had followed him to bed, where they talked the most. As if he were two people, he fell asleep to his own voice, his own criticism, creating dreams he feared would one day run dry.
The morning hadn't arrived, but Ronin had been awake for hours. The knot in his stomach had only tightened. His body surged with restless energy until he couldn't take it anymore. He stumbled to the door, finding the lights off and their comfort gone, just as he'd expected.
The cold wind hit him as he stepped outside. The sky remained black, unleashing a pitch-dark rain. He walked slowly, directionless until he found himself staring at the same fields from last night. Percy's warm smile flickered in his memory – the same smile he had rejected. His face twisted as he gripped his hair, trying to turn back. The anxiety was foreign and overwhelming, yet it drove him forward along this crooked path that could've been a demonstration of his life.
The white house loomed closer – or maybe he had drawn nearer to it. His parched brain couldn't decide. Hope spread through him as he approached the green door. He could almost feel the comfort he had refused. His hand hovered over the doorknob before he sprinted off the porch. As if something had torn him from it, Rain soaked through his jacket, coating his raw knuckles as he clenched his fists.
"Dammit!" Ronin exclaimed, running a hand through his drenched hair. His mouth hung open as he stared at the door, rain dripping from his bottom lip. He hadn't noticed his pacing until the sound he'd been dreading stopped him cold. His eyes locked on the door as Percy stepped out into the rain.
"Ronin," Percy's voice echoed in his head, and the knot inside him bulged
Ronin stood frozen, lost in the moment he'd built up in his mind. His head screamed at him to turn back, but his body jolted as Percy pulled him into a hug. Ronin's eyes widened behind Percy's shoulder, his arms stiff and disconnected from his confused body. The urge to push away crept in, but Ronin fought it. Not again, he told himself. When Percy released him, Ronin nearly stumbled, his body limp. Words failed him, and even if he could speak, he feared he would somehow ruin it anyway.
He had felt pounds lighter, as the knot was cut from his flesh, only leaving the wound he had to repair himself.
He began to laugh at his pathetic self inside, unable to find words for the feeling; Percy had never seen Ronin like this. It scared him almost as much as the wave that had drowned him when his arms had linked around Ronin's cold, wet body; instantly, its weight hit Percy. He covered it up with his smile, the only thing he knew he could provide. As he had done it many times with Wren, this feeling was similar.