It was in the dead of the night. In that silence, with only thing breathing was them and their partner, they first heard the ding tone before the screen to their tablet light up showing a name they wished to hear from for a year. Beauty_in_darkness.
Curiosity was the only thing to blame for why they scrambled out of the duvet all breathless and hands shaking from excitement disturbing a young boy who was sleeping next to them. It wasn't a mistake nor a joke from Beauty_in_darkness, is it? Because that person can be so cluelessly cruel many times. Just the way they like it served.
They were excited but, that died down when they read the content of the message. They went through all grieving emotions in less than two minutes.
Who would be okay after finding out the only inspiration and soothing feeling to bring them to sleep was dying. Just when they were thinking of how unfair the time apart was at least the heartbreaker was out there, wherever they were, breathing!
They wanted to write back at the second they were done reading but, after opening the platform? Nothing came to mind. They went numb from feeling everything and understanding nothing from them. It was all overwhelming.
Hesitating. Writing their heart out, paraphrasing before deleting it all to start back up again. It went on for two hours before they bite the bullet and simply pour themselves blood on the blank screen.
From: Christmas_in_Woods
To: Beauty-in-darkness
Subject: Let's live in the moment.
Hey, you son of the gun.
Even though this situation was the farthest to come to mind when I thought of your future return but, here I am feeling glad and relieved. One year. It took that fucking long to write to me only to say that you need me when you are dying?. And no, wish for something else or to someone else because, you can never disappoint me for I never put any hope and expectations in you, sadly. I take what you give and that's a norm for us. I don't know any other way.
I don't know about you but, it wasn't easy not updating you on my life in this hell on earth and when I couldn't hear your stories any longer the world ceased to turn and I was stuck in a loop of our ten years together. They sent me back to sleep when my insomnia persisted. But, more than once when they don't work, I find myself looking at the moon turning into a sun and that's when I hate you.
I don't even know why I hesitated to reply to you for you are not even worth my compassion but, here I am hurting. You thought you were selfish? Have you met me? From the first paragraph you can tell just how much I was using you and to think that's going to end anytime soon? I'd rather die first. Rihanna sang my feeling better in Rehab and a little bit in Russian roulete.
That reminds me, how did you even get yourself sick in the first place? You, the principled healthy typical creature... Well, don't bother with my take on the matter but congratulations. This whole year I thought you already had died and your management is looking for the best day to release it to the public. I even came up with a song for the day... several actually. Sadly, I won't be able to come to your funeral unlike Sam from Irreplaceable you since I'm married and miserable, if you were curious.
I didn't know love before you. Funny enough, I didn't know it was love when I was with you but, now after your mail? I loved you even before we met. You saved a soul from self harm with your words, you saved a heart from eternal freeze with your weird humor, you saved a spirit from straying with your guidance. You were never perfect to me maybe that is what made you perfect to me.
I'm scared, I'm in pain, I'm glad, I'm in love... I'm everything at the moment but, I can never be your light back home. I don't even know what that means myself. Only you know what to do with your life going forward.
Just like Brown eyed beauty, that should be your end? She was stupid, remember? How she went back to the only place where she felt betrayed, humiliated, abandoned, loved, despised, disgusted... in spite of being the hot shot she was in the city?
She returned to the only place that treated her as she thought she deserved but, she is not you. I don't really know if you were also raped growing up but, I can tell what you don't deserve. Being back to the place that hurt you and escaped from. You got out for a reason.
I don't know how much time we have left to get this going between us but, I hope this second could last forever.
Love,
Me.
After hitting send, they found themselves with a satisfied smile on their face before kissing the boy's forehead and closing their eyes to let the sleep take over. It was already dawn. Better late than never.