They were already in bed when they heard the notification on their desktop. Is it them? It was just like that with them... The giddy fuzz feeling they brought to each other whenever they reach out.
It was past obsession and if you ask them, they have no idea how they lasted a whole year of that. Being apart and all. Pathetic much.
Standing up from the bed, sleep forgotten, glasses on and walked to the desktop with the mail notification flashed on the screen. It was exactly from Christmas_in_Woods.
They didn't know what their reply would be but, what they read from the mail was enough to shed tears. Were they happy? sad? Jealous? Or simply heartbroken.
From: Beauty-in-darkness
To:Christmas_in_Woods
Subject: I'm late.
Hi,
That one was way quicker a reply that I ever expected from our deep friendship we shared. I can't lie on the disappointment I'm feeling right now after your congratulations on my dying news. Ironic, I know that's why I can't exactly stay mad. It made me feel quite replacable to you and I like that so much.
So, you are a married person now, huh? You a dude? I don't know why I'm suddenly curious about your sex and gender but, I am. Now, that I'm dying I feel like I deserve to know you personally. Could you treat this as a dying wish?.
And another thing, does your partner know that you are miserable? I would hope not in your marriage though since that would be the biggest slap from someone who read my books. I always preach on true love, unforgettable love... Why, would you marry someone and still write that you are in love with me. I don't find it fluttering, I find it insulting and very downgrading. I don't deserve that feeling, they don't deserve it and importantly, YOU don't deserve it. Stand on business!
And no, you're wrong about another thing. In all my years of my career, after reading countless of books, absorbing knowledge from different minds and cultures, background... Nobody can be certain of anything.
You don't know what I deserve. And up until earlier, I thought at least I had you for myself but, no. I'm destined to be alone till the end. I'm not sad or mad about the fact, I'm just terrified.
This is not a feeling a human to feel in this lifetime but, now that I'm here and soon to hit the abyss? Appreciate what you have, they deserve more than being a placement.
I have like a year to stay alive if I decide not to go through chemo. Damn! I can't help but, feel the chills after writing that so nonchalantly. I deserve to be a psychopath.
Before I forget, In the year when we were apart, I was working on this masterpiece series and which would be the end of my career due to its content. I'm finally taking your advice, if I don't address shit that concerns me then who can?
Let me tell you a secret I held since forever, I'm gay. And my real name is Daniel Vox, fifty five years old man this year.
I attached this with the series and I hope for hell that you will give me your feedback on it. ~Blessed curse~
It was nice hearing from you.
Love,
Me.