Chapter 22: Macaroni and Skirts
– Haru –
Alice walked out of the bathroom, wearing a fluffy bathrobe that Rias had left behind and drying her hair with a towel.
"You feeling better?" I asked, though it was clear she was. She smelled a lot better too, but I didn't mention that. Zombie apocalypse dimensions weren't exactly known for their hygiene.
Alice managed a small, awkward smile. "Yeah, thanks. This is the first real shower I've had in months. Ever since the outbreak of the T-virus…"
"Don't worry about any of that for now. You're safe here."
It looked like my restaurant could no longer connect to that desert where my friends and I fought off the zombie army chasing Alice.
I was learning that while The Fox Hole could appear just about anywhere, it could also vanish from places that were too dangerous. Viktoriya's sudden arrival when searching for Tanya had cut off access to her world too, which was probably for the best. We didn't want to deal with Being X unless Mob was around, and that kid was busy with middle school and his job with Reigen most of the time.
"Here, take these," I said, pulling some clothes from the closet. Rias had left a few spares, and while they were school uniforms, they'd have to do. Alice took them with a grateful nod and slipped back into the bathroom to change.
A couple of minutes later, she walked out wearing the Kuoh Academy female uniform. It fit her well, maybe a bit too well, and the look on her face was a mix of confusion and embarrassment. She tugged at the hem of the skirt, clearly not used to the short length. "Is this some kind of fetish thing?" she asked.
I couldn't help but laugh at that. "That's the official uniform for one of my fiancée's schools."
She blinked at me, caught off guard. "One of your fiancées?" The surprise in her voice made me chuckle.
"I'll tell you more while we eat," I promised, walking down the hall with her following me. I moved behind the counter and started washing my hands in the kitchen sink, while Alice took a seat at the bar.
My mother, Yasaka, had been informed about everything that went down a few hours ago, and I was sure she'd be here soon enough. The only reason she hadn't shown up already was because I'd told her to hold off for a couple of hours so that Ainz's subordinate, Lupusregina Beta, could arrive and make sure none of us were carrying any dangerous pathogens.
According to Alice, the T-virus only spread through bites, but Ainz was an overly cautious skeleton, and honestly, I couldn't blame him. The last thing we needed was some unforeseen outbreak spreading from world to world. Everyone else agreed with him, so we decided to play it safe.
Thankfully, we didn't have to wait long. Lupusregina showed up not long after—and she turned out to be a stunning redheaded werewolf. She wasted no time, casting a series of magical clerical spells that washed over the entire restaurant, and soon enough, she assured us that we were all free of any lingering diseases.
Everything had gone smoothly after we wiped out the thousands of zombies. Alice had been on edge, convinced that Umbrella would send reinforcements to hunt her down, but as I'd already noticed, my restaurant was no longer connected to that particular wasteland.
The door to the restaurant swung open, and Yasaka walked in, looking as elegant as ever in a dark red kimono. Her golden eyes lit up, and her tails swished behind her as soon as she spotted me.
"You sent me a message saying your restaurant connected to a zombie world?" Yasaka asked curiously for confirmation.
"Yeah," I said, running a hand through my hair. "It was pretty crazy there for a bit. I mean, Enri's world has plenty of undead too, but those are usually made from dark magic left over on battlefields. These were straight-up horror movie infected humans."
Her gaze shifted to Alice. "I see my son has found another lovely young lady to grace his establishment," Yasaka said, giving Alice a polite bow.
Alice fumbled to return the gesture, looking more out of place than ever. "Sorry, I'm not really used to Japanese customs," she said, her cheeks turning a light pink.
Yasaka just waved her hand dismissively, a warm smile on her face. "No need to apologize, dear."
Alice straightened up, giving me a look that said she was done with pleasantries. "Can I finally get an explanation for what's going on here?" she asked, crossing her arms. "I feel like you owe me that, especially after putting me in this ridiculously short skirt," she added, a hint of a smirk playing on her lips.
I felt my face heat up, and I stuttered out, "That was the only outfit I had that would fit you! It's not like I planned it or anything."
Yasaka let out a soft laugh, the kind that always made me feel like a kid caught doing something silly. "I like her fire," she said approvingly, before giving me a playful glare. "But you really should have explained everything to her about your strange restaurant by now."
"My restaurant isn't strange," I muttered.
Yasaka shook her head, her expression somewhere between amused and exasperated. "Son, I've been around for hundreds of years, and I thought I'd seen it all. But your restaurant is definitely the strangest thing I've come across."
I sighed. "Alright, here goes," I said, leaning on the bar. I explained everything to Alice—the nature of my restaurant, how it randomly connected to different dimensions, and that she was currently on an Earth without zombies or the Umbrella Corporation, as far as I knew. I wasn't completely sure about that last part because I never really paid attention to mundane corporations. Most of them in my world were just fronts for supernatural forces anyway.
– Yasaka –
The Fox Hole always had the most interesting customers, Yasaka thought as she took a seat next to Alice at the bar. The young redhead had a wary, restless energy about her, the kind of look that came from living on the edge for far too long. Yasaka decided to break the ice, asking about her life before she wound up here. Alice's response was guarded but honest, she told Yasaka that she used to work for the Umbrella Corporation but made it clear she had no part in the research that unleashed the zombie outbreak on her Earth.
Yasaka believed her. Not just because she could sense Alice's sincerity, but because there was something deeper at play. Alice wasn't even a year old—not her soul, at least. The more Yasaka observed her, the more she wondered if Alice even knew she was a clone, potentially with fake memories. It was a heavy realization, and Yasaka decided now wasn't the time to bring it up. Instead, she offered her a kind smile and said, "You're welcome to stay in Kyoto for as long as you like."
Alice's eyes softened for a moment before a determined look took over. "That's very kind of you, but I don't want to live off someone else's kindness forever. I still want to take the fight to Umbrella and take back my Earth from the hordes of the dead!"
Yasaka smirked. This one certainly had spirit. "That's a very noble goal. I'm sure you could find plenty of yokai willing to help. We're also allied with the Devils in the underworld, and I recently signed an agreement with the leader of a ninja village, someone named Tsunade. Her ninjas are always looking for work, and taking back your Earth could be quite lucrative for them."
"Really?" Alice's eyes widened in surprise. "I'm pretty sure our economy is ruined, and I don't have any way to pay...ninjas?"
Yasaka shook her head, a knowing smile playing on her lips. "You have to think outside the box. It's tragic that so many people have passed, but that also means your world's resources are up for grabs. Take Fort Knox, for example. If it's been overrun by zombies, then all that gold is just sitting there, waiting to be claimed."
Alice's expression shifted, a hint of hope creeping into her eyes. "I guess that makes sense. Money hasn't really been a thought since everything fell apart… well, half of it anyway. I think the East Coast might still be standing. Maybe."
Yasaka made a mental note to send scouts to check out Alice's world more thoroughly. The potential for new territory and resources was enticing. It was already bringing a wealth of opportunities to the Yokai faction. If Alice's world could be reclaimed, there was no telling what that could mean for their alliances and their influence.
Yasaka took a deep breath through her nose. The smell of Haru cooking in the kitchen was always divine. Today, she could already tell he was making her favorite, katsudon, with its perfect blend of sweet and savory flavors. She also caught a whiff of something different and less refined—macaroni and cheese. The thought made Yasaka giggle softly.
"Americans and their weirdly unhealthy foods," she muttered to herself, shaking her head in amusement.
Alice's head perked up at the smell, her eyes bright with curiosity. "What is that smell?" she asked, almost leaning over the bar to get a better look.
Yasaka chuckled, watching Alice's enthusiasm. "You're in for a real treat," she said. "My son's cooking is the best in all of Japan. Even gods have dined here," she added with a touch of pride.
"Wow…" Alice's voice trailed off as she focused on Haru. He was flipping multiple pans at once, moving with a practiced ease that spoke of years of skill and dedication. He glanced over his shoulder and caught Alice's eye, giving her a quick wink that made her scoff, turning her head away from him to hide the hint of a smile on her face.
Yasaka watched them with a small smile of her own. She wondered how long it would be before Haru added another official girlfriend to his ever-growing list. How many was it currently? Three, maybe four, if she included that space-faring warrior woman. And they were all redheads, too. Yasaka wouldn't come out and say her son had a type, but… he clearly did. Still, she'd caught him looking at other women before, so maybe there was hope for someone different.
The door to the restaurant opened behind them, and Yasaka turned to see Rias Gremory step inside, practically bouncing with excitement. Right behind her was her nephilim queen, Akeno Himejima. Yasaka liked Rias. For a Devil, she was kind and straightforward, unafraid to speak her mind. She did think Rias was a bit lazy, but according to Haru, the Devil heiress had been training with her brother at least twice a week to change that.
"Yasaka-sama!" Rias greeted with a cheerful wave. She then spotted Alice and tilted her head curiously. "And who's this?"
"A new friend," Yasaka replied with a smile. "Alice, meet Rias Gremory and Akeno Himejima. Rias is engaged to my son and you're currently wearing her clothes," the fox woman teased.
Yasaka snickered at the look of embarrassment on Alice's face. The way the redhead squirmed slightly in her seat was priceless. Rias, on the other hand, leaned forward with a bright smile, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "You look great in the Kuoh uniform!" she said to Alice. "Don't you just love how short the skirt is?"
Alice's eyes widened. "Wait, what? Aren't Japanese schoolgirl uniforms supposed to go past the knees?"
Rias nodded, still grinning. "Normally, yes. But I wanted the authentic anime schoolgirl experience when I started going to Kuoh, so I had my parents buy the school and change the uniforms."
Alice's jaw dropped. "Your parents bought an entire school just so you could change the skirt length?"
"Yep!" Rias declared shamelessly. Akeno let out a few of her signature "ufufufu" laughs, which only made Yasaka chuckle even more.
Alice stared at the two girls, processing this new bit of information. After a moment, her brows furrowed slightly. "So… are you two even human?"
Rias shook her head, her expression shifting to one of pride. "Nope. Akeno and I are both Devils from the underworld."
Alice's lips parted in surprise, her eyes darting between them. "So, you're Devils, but you're not like… evil?" It was a fair question. Coming from a world devoid of supernatural beings, Alice's understanding of Devils was probably limited to horror stories and religious warnings.
Rias laughed softly and shook her head. "No, not evil. Well, at least not in the way you're probably thinking."
Akeno smirked, a glint of mischief in her eyes. "Oh, don't let her fool you, Alice. Rias here is very evil," Akeno teased. "She's the kind of girl who will make you sit down to watch an anime, but then she'll spoil the entire plot before you even finish the first episode," she said while resting her palm on her cheek.
Rias gasped, pretending to be offended. "Hey, I do not spoil the entire plot every time!"
"Ara, then how come I know how card captor sakura ends despite only watching a couple of episodes…?"
Their playful banter was interrupted when Haru placed steaming plates of food in front of Yasaka and Alice. Both women immediately started digging in while Rias and Akeno watched on in hungry jealousy. They didn't have to suffer very long though before Haru started preparing their orders next.
– Ainz –
Ainz sat on his throne on the ninth floor of Nazarick, gazing down at the gathered floor guardians and the Pleiades maids assembled before him.
Demiurge stepped forward and adjusted his glasses. "Ainz-sama, would you mind telling us more about this mysterious restaurant that appeared on the first floor? And what about its owner?"
Before Ainz could respond, Lupusregina Beta spoke up, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. "I can answer that! The owner is a very handsome and strong nine-tailed fox named Haru. My inner wolf was practically whimpering delightedly when I saw him for the first time…" she said with a blush and a shiver.
"Hmph! I can't believe my sister is attracted to some miscreant from outside of Nazarick!" Narberal Gamma scoffed, her tone laced with disdain.
"But isn't the restaurant located on the first floor? Doesn't that make it a part of Nazarick?" Lupusregina replied, tilting her head in genuine curiosity.
"Is that how it works?" Shalltear asked, intrigued. "Is this nine-tailed fox a part of Nazarick now, Ainz-sama?"
Before Ainz could answer, Demiurge spoke again, his voice filled with admiration. "Sasuga, Ainz-sama! You discovered such an amazing place so quickly after we found ourselves in this new world and already secured it for Nazarick."
"Er… right. That is exactly what I did," Ainz said, nodding with an air of confidence he didn't quite feel. His subordinates erupted into a chorus of praises, their voices overlapping as they complimented his intelligence and foresight. Ainz shifted slightly on his throne, trying to maintain his composed demeanor.
"I can also vouch for the nine-tailed fox known as Haru," Albedo said, stepping forward with a smile. "It's true that he did not always belong to Nazarick, but his cooking skills are unmatched… even by our own talented chefs. And I must admit, I thoroughly enjoy the parties he hosts, especially with Ainz-sama present at them!"
Shalltear pouted, folding her arms across her chest. "That's not fair, you gorilla! You already got to go to two parties! I want to go to the next one!"
Albedo's eyes narrowed into a sly smirk. "The Fox Hole is a classy establishment, Shalltear. It might not be suitable for someone like you."
Shalltear's eyes blazed with irritation. "You mean vampires?" she spat, glaring at Albedo.
"Of course not," Albedo said coolly. "I've recently met a vampire named Serana, and her company is quite delightful. No, I meant shameless loli whores like you."
Ainz sighed as Shalltear shrieked and lunged at Albedo. The two women collided in a flurry of clawing hands and shrill insults. The other floor guardians quickly moved to separate them, chaos breaking out in the grand hall.
As the commotion continued, Lupusregina slipped closer to the throne and looked up at Ainz with hopeful eyes. "Ainz-sama, would it be alright if I visited the Fox Hole on my own once in a while…?"
Ainz blinked, momentarily distracted from the brawl in front of him. He could feel the eyes of the other guardians who weren't involved in the fight shifting toward him, waiting for his response. He let out a quiet sigh, already resigning himself to the fact that this was just another day in Nazarick.
"Permission granted, Lupusregina." he said. "Just be mindful to not cause any problems, even with the humans who also frequent the restaurant…."
Her eyes lit up, and she gave a small bow. "Thank you, Ainz-sama! I promise to behave."
Ainz turned his attention back to Shalltear and Albedo, who were still rolling around on the floor, hurling crass insults at each other. It was a bizarre sight, seeing these two powerful NPCs come to life and, apparently, fighting over him. Ainz couldn't deny it made him feel something. As a former human who'd never even held hands with a woman, the idea of being the center of attention for two beautiful, albeit dangerously unstable, women was thrilling. But, honestly, it was also terrifying…
He'd recently started learning transformation magic from one of Haru's cousins, but now he wondered if maybe he should slow down that training. Give himself a couple more weeks to properly prepare himself for…
"Get off me, you fucking ugly gorilla!"
"Stop biting me, you shitty lamprey!"
Ainz had just left The Fox Hole, but he already found himself wanting to go back there to get away from all of this…
XXX
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