Chapter 28: Pizza time
I brought Catelyn and Sansa Stark inside The Fox Hole. The two noble ladies looked around with wide eyes, clearly surprised by the place. Sansa glanced at the bright lights on the ceiling and then at the spotless floors and walls.
"Is this all because of magic?" Sansa asked.
I chuckled. "The lights are from something called electricity, which I'll explain later. And while I do use a little magic to keep the place clean, most of it is thanks to my hardworking waitress, Enri."
Catelyn Stark reached out and grabbed her daughter's hand when Councilor Tevos walked past them. Her reaction was one of pure shock, but Tevos didn't notice, or at least pretended she didn't.
The alien smiled at me and thanked me for the meal. "I'll be back tomorrow, Haru," Tevos said before heading out the door.
Catelyn and Sansa watched her leave and then whipped their heads toward me.
"She was completely blue! Was she a Goddess as well?" Catelyn asked nervously. "Is this a place meant for the divine to meet?"
"No, she's something called an Asari…" I scratched the back of my head, feeling a little awkward. "And this place isn't just for Gods. It's a place for everyone to meet, enjoy a meal, or make friends, no matter where they're from or their status. I consider all my customers to be family. Like Harry over there."
Harry, sitting across the restaurant, waved his hand. "Hello."
Sansa waved back at him gently. "Hello again, young man. You were very brave for standing up to Ramsay like you did!"
Harry scoffed. "Not really. Those muggles couldn't have done anything to hurt me." He stood up and nodded at me. "I've got to go, Haru. Sorry about the way my uncles acted earlier. I'll make sure to straighten them out." With that, Harry left with Remus and Sirius in tow.
Serana and Amy-chan were still at the counter, watching the exchange. Serana smirked at me. "Don't think you can kick me out so easily, just so you can have a redheaded mother-daughter pair all to yourself. I'm waiting for my man Agnar to get back from his adventure," she told me.
Amy-chan nodded as well. "And I'm hiding from Tsukuyomi! If he finds me then he'll make me go back to work!"
"What does our red hair have to do with anything?" Catelyn asked Serana.
Serana chuckled from across the room. "Oh, Haru has a small but growing harem of beautiful women with red hair. You two might want to watch out because I could see him checking you both out…"
I felt my face heat up. I wasn't that obvious.
"What!?" Amy-chan perked up, her grin widening. "You have a harem now, Haru-kun!? Is little Ya-chan's baby boy finally all grown up and now breaking the hearts of redheads everywhere!? How scandalous!"
"Pfft, I don't want to hear the word 'scandalous' from a goddess who had kids with her own brother," I replied.
Incest is a human concept! It doesn't matter to supernatural beings!" Amy-chan pouted and grabbed a salt shaker, tossing it at my head.
I caught it easily before it could hit me in the face.
Catelyn and Sansa both blushed, muttering to themselves about how an actual Goddess could be so crass…
I led Catelyn and Sansa to one of the booths closer to the counter and gestured for them to sit. They looked hesitant, but after a moment, they settled into the seats.
"I'm going to prepare a meal for you both," I told them.
Catelyn's eyebrows rose slightly. "Will you be bringing out bread and salt?"
I shook my head. "I'll be bringing you something much tastier than that."
They exchanged a glance, clearly curious but said nothing. I walked behind the counter and opened the fridge, pulling out a large wad of dough. They came from a medieval world, so I doubted they'd ever had pizza. It was time to fix that!
I started working on the dough with my hands, stretching and shaping it into multiple perfect circles. My tails reached into the fridge, pulling out the other ingredients I needed. Tomatoes, onions, sausages, ham… and obviously not pineapple.
I wasn't a monster…
While I mashed the tomatoes with the onions and other spices to make a quick but flavorful pizza sauce, I could feel their eyes on me. I poured the sauce into a pot and let it heat up while grabbing a block of cheese from the fridge. I began slicing it with a knife, making sure the pieces were just the right size to melt evenly.
Amy-chan and Serana were watching from their spots at the counter. Amy-chan was practically salivating. "If I knew you were making pizza, I wouldn't have asked for ramen earlier!"
"Why not just have both?" I suggested with a wink.
Amy-chan grinned. "That's why you're my third favorite nine-tailed fox, Haru-kun!"
I paused. "Third favorite…?"
"Mhm!" she said, counting on her fingers. "Yasaka is number one, of course, because she's my priestess. Kunou-chan is number two because she's totes adorbs…which leaves you at number three!"
Serana snickered from her seat. "Aren't there only three nine-tailed foxes total in your world, Haru?"
Talk about emotional damage…
I sighed, my fox ears drooping slightly. "Yes…" Being in third place suddenly felt much worse than it should have. Just for that, I was going to put pineapple on Amy-chan's pizza!
…
Amy-chan looked at me in pure betrayal as I placed a personal pizza on the counter in front of her. One of her toppings was pineapple.
"Something wrong?" I asked with a tiny grin. I was holding back from openly laughing, but it didn't matter. My tails were swaying happily behind me, giving me away.
Amy-chan narrowed her eyes and started picking off the pieces of pineapple one by one. "I will have vengeance for this betrayal, Haru-kun. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow… but one day soon."
I gulped involuntarily, even as I let out a small chuckle. I grabbed two more personal pizzas and walked them over to Catelyn and Sansa's booth.
Catelyn and Sansa Stark glanced down at the pizzas in front of them with confusion. "What is this?" Catelyn asked.
"It's a pizza pie, topped with tomatoes, sausages, pepperoni, mushrooms, onions, and olives. I promise you two will love it." I was about to explain the proper way to eat pizza but then remembered these were two classy ladies. Sure enough, they both picked up their forks and knives and started cutting into the pizza to eat it that way…
Amy-chan muttered something about blasphemy behind us as she picked up a slice of her pizza, now free of pineapple, and shoved it into her mouth. I just shook my head. Other cultures had different ways of eating, it wasn't a big deal.
The red-haired mother and daughter both let out actual moans as they took their first bites of my homemade pizza. My ears twitched happily on top of my head. Those were the kinds of noises I always loved hearing from my customers.
– Catelyn Stark –
"It's so good!" Sansa said to her happily.
"It certainly is, Sansa!"
Catelyn Stark couldn't help but agree with her daughter. The pizza pie in front of her was absolutely delicious. She had to remind herself that it wasn't proper for a noble lady to shovel food into her mouth, but that's exactly what she found herself tempted to do. She glanced at Sansa, who was already halfway through her own pizza, happily eating without a care in the world. Catelyn almost chastised her but stopped herself. Sansa had been through so much in the last couple of years. If anyone deserved a moment of happiness, it was her daughter. So, she stayed quiet, even as Sansa's face became covered with the delicious red sauce.
Catelyn took another bite and marveled at the taste. She had eaten plenty of tomatoes growing up in the Riverlands, but none of them had ever tasted like this. Haru's sauce transformed the simple ingredient into something magical.
Her gaze wandered to Haru, who was busy working behind the counter, and she felt her cheeks warm. He was undoubtedly the most handsome young man she had ever seen. Even Rhaegar Targaryen in his prime had nothing on Haru. Back in her youth, she would have giggled with the other southern ladies about someone like him.
She glanced at Sansa again, noticing her plate was already completely clean. Sansa wiped her face with a napkin, looking content for the first time in ages. Catelyn was glad their host hadn't been paying attention to how quickly her now-grown daughter had devoured her meal. It wasn't very lady like.
"What should we do now, Mother?" Sansa asked nervously. Her eyes drifted toward the front of the restaurant, where Ramsay Bolton was still unconscious and tied up. "He's our prisoner, but most of his men still control Winterfell and Winter Town."
"The only thing we can do is rely on our kind and handsome host to keep helping us," Catelyn said reflexively.
Sansa grinned at her. "Oh? You think he's handsome too, Mother?"
"I… er… yes," Catelyn admitted, feeling her cheeks heat up a bit.
Sansa gave her a small smile. "I do too! Do you think he's married?"
"The sun goddess mentioned him having a harem," Catelyn said. "That's something noblemen from Essos sometimes have."
Sansa's eyes lit up. "Oh… that means I have a chance then! That means you could have a chance too!"
Catelyn choked on air at her daughter's comment. "What?! Sansa… I'm your mother, and I've been married before. We can't both pursue the same young man. It's not proper."
Sansa pursed her lips and scoffed. "Proper… I hate that word! Cersei Lannister always acted like a proper lady… but she was a monster! The only thing that matters is whether or not you're happy."
Catelyn understood where Sansa was coming from she supposed, but this was still kind of an awkward topic to talk about with her own daughter. She opened her mouth to change the subject when Sansa blurted out an embarrassing question.
"I wonder how good of a lover Haru is?" Sansa said bluntly. "He does have a harem after all…"
Catelyn froze. "When did you start talking like this? What happened to my sweet girl who was always quiet and blushing…?"
Sansa frowned. "I let that girl die back in King's Landing," she said quietly. Then, she gave her mother a playful look. "Now answer the question!"
Catelyn felt her cheeks burn as if she were a young maiden again. "I suppose he would have to be quite the skilled lover if he has a harem. Also, those tails are so exotic and look very fluffy. I wonder what they'd feel like wrapped around me in a warm bed?"
Sansa perked up. "I was wondering that too!"
Catelyn stole another glance at Haru, who was still working behind the counter. The back of his neck was bright red, and his ears were twitching. Realization dawned on her, and her cheeks turned an even deeper shade of pink. "Oh dear…" she muttered. Haru had fox ears. He could hear everything they had been saying...
Catelyn was saved from that embarrassing revelation when the doors to the restaurant swung open. A large man who resembled a knight strolled inside, his presence commanding immediate attention.
"Hello again, Lord Haru! It has been a while since we met! Hello as well, ladies," the man said with a small bow to everyone in the room.
Sansa and Catelyn both nodded their heads to him as was proper, though they exchanged a curious glance. The man's armor looked worn but well-kept, and there was a confident ease in the way he carried himself.
The man's gaze landed on Ramsay Bolton, who was still tied up near the front of the restaurant. He raised an eyebrow before shrugging and continuing to the counter.
– Haru –
There's a guy I haven't seen in a while. I'd been wondering what had happened to him. After he left with his warrior band and the prisoners, he never returned or sent any messages.
"It's been a while, Gazeff," I said as he stepped up to the counter. "How are things in the Re-Estize Kingdom?"
Gazeff frowned as he sat down on a stool at the counter. "Things have been… interesting, I suppose. The men we captured—the ones who destroyed multiple villages and tried to do the same to your territory—turned out to be from the Slane Theocracy, not the Empire like they pretended."
"Yep, that's what our own yokai interrogators found," I said. "Before they all took their own lives, anyway. They were fanatics, and seemed to hate non-humans with a passion."
Yasaka mentioned they kept ranting about their six great human gods coming to avenge them. But that didn't make much sense. If they were human, then how could they be actual gods? We just figured it was some nation built on a cult or something…
Gazeff nodded grimly. "The theocracy also bribed some of the kingdom's nobles to have me sent out without my proper armor or equipment. It was a trap meant to get me killed. The corruption runs deep." He sighed heavily. "Thankfully, the King and Princess have started rooting it out after this incident. We have you to thank for that, Lord Haru. Not only did you pull our country back from the brink of economic collapse, but you also saved us once again. I surely would have died without your help and Lord Momonga's."
"Oh, he changed his name to Ainz Ooal Gown, by the way," I told him.
"Lord Ainz, then. I would like to thank him as well, and so would the king. Both of you are formally invited to the capital to meet with the royal family!" Gazeff declared.
"Well, look at you," Amy-chan said playfully from nearby, leaning casually against the counter. "Moving up in the world, Haru! You're going to meet an actual King!"
It seemed like the goddess of the sun was feeling extra playful today. I rolled my eyes at Amy-chan's comment before focusing back on Gazeff. "I'd love to visit the Re-Estize Kingdom, but first, I have to help out the two noble ladies in my restaurant. Of course, I'd also love to hear their stories first," I said, making sure my voice carried loud enough for Catelyn and Sansa to join in the conversation.
Catelyn stood up, and introduced herself and her daughter Sansa properly to Gazeff. Once the introductions were out of the way, she began telling us about the Stark family, Winterfell, and everything that had happened since her late husband had decided to accept the title of Hand of the King.
It was a pretty epic and sad tale…
Her story probably took an hour to explain, but no one interrupted her. When she finished, Sansa started filling in with her own perspective, explaining all the events in Westeros from her point of view.
"Wow… that all sounded pretty rough," Serana said after a moment of silence.
Amy-chan folded her arms, looking unimpressed. "How drunk can a single guy be to not realize his own wife hasn't joined him in bed after 14 years? Not to mention none of his children looked even a tiny bit like him. He deserved to get cucked!"
Gazeff and I both sputtered at the same time. "No guy deserves that!" We both shouted and then nodded at each other.
I turned back to Catelyn and Sansa. "I'm sorry that all happened to you both," I said sincerely. "Of course, I'll help you take back Winterfell and slay the rest of the Bolton soldiers. Afterward, I suppose I could ask some of our Yokai to guard the place so it doesn't happen again…" I trailed off, glancing at Catelyn.
She shook her head firmly. "The Seven Kingdoms is a beautiful and cruel place. Houses only respect other STRONG houses. …The truth is, most of Winterfell's loyal guards are dead or have abandoned their posts. Even our weakest vassals could overthrow us at this point," she started explaining.
I frowned, wondering where she was going with all this.
"That's why I propose you marry my daughter Sansa and become Lord of Winterfell and king of the North!" Catelyn declared out of nowhere.
I nearly choked. "Whoa! Isn't that a little fast!?"
"Wow! You're really moving up in the world, Haru!" Amy-chan laughed again playfully. "You get to be king of this freezing cold and dirty paradise!"
Sansa's face was bright red as she stammered, "Mother! My hand alone isn't worth everything that will be required to get Winterfell and the North back on its feet." She turned to me. "You have to marry my mother as well! My uncle Edmure was slain by the evil bastard Joffrey, which means she's the rightful heiress to the Riverlands as well! With both of our hands in marriage, you'll rule a territory half the size of Westeros!"
"Errrr…" I didn't know what to say to all of that. Mom would probably be ecstatic about me gaining even more territory in another world, especially one full of untapped natural resources. She'd probably agree in a heartbeat. But I'd been trying to slow down on all the girls lately…
Then again, a beautiful redheaded mother-daughter combo wasn't something that came along every day.
I scratched the back of my head, trying to come up with a response. "I'll, uh, think about it," I finally managed.
Both mother and daughter smiled brightly at me! Catelyn looked a bit embarrassed at Sansa's proposal but I noticed she didn't even try to argue it.
Either way, the first step in all this would be getting Winterfell back from all the Bolton soldiers occupying it. According to Catelyn, there were about 5,000 of them. That wouldn't be a problem, obviously, but it was going to mean a lot of death and take quite a bit of time, especially since they'd be spread out and probably start fleeing the moment they realized they couldn't win. Then there was the cleanup afterward. That many bodies weren't just going to disappear on their own.
Gazeff thumped his fist against his chest plate and pledged to help. "You have my sword for this cause, Lord Haru!"
I nodded, appreciating his support. I wondered if we could get anyone else to help too? Just to save time.
As I was considering our options, the door to the restaurant popped open, and Agnar strolled in. His black ebony armor had a few scratches and marks on it, but his happy grin told me everything I needed to know about how his mission went with Naruko and her team.
"Hello, everyone! I'm back from quite the adventure!" Agnar declared proudly. He focused on Serana, who had already gotten up from her seat.
"Hello, my love," Serana said as they hugged. "Did you have fun killing some ninja terrorists?"
"Hah! It was quite the adventure," Agnar said, puffing out his chest a little. "Those red cloud ninjas were a sneaky bunch and proved to be quite the challenge, but we prevailed! They were no match for the Dragonborn!" He then glanced around the room and seemed to sense something. "What's this? Do I sense another adventure is already brimming!?" he asked excitedly while glancing between Gazeff and I.
Without speaking any words, Agnar and Gazeff both reached out and clasped hands. And just like that, I was pretty sure both warriors immediately became friends. That's just how guys were sometimes.
"Haru! I'm back, Haru-kun!" Naruko strolled inside the restaurant. Her kunoichi outfit had a couple rips and tears in it but she looked to be completely fine otherwise. The half-a-Kyuubi inside her kept her in top shape most of the time.
Naruko suddenly froze when she noticed Catelyn and Sansa standing so close to me though.
Uh oh…
I hadn't even gone on a proper date with Naruko yet and I'd already slept with Shepard and now was in…those kinds of talks with these women. This was going to be some awkward catching up…
She practically blurred in front of the two of them, causing both ladies to startle. Naruko frowned and crossed her arms while glaring at them. "Who are you two supposed to be…?"
XXX
I have a patreo n. My subs can read advanced updates of my stories ahead of standard release.
Link:
Patreo n .com (slash) Starwaves