After deciding not to pursue the asylum route to stay in Germany, I thought I would spend the next few days exploring Berlin.
A guy named Mark on Grindr messaged me, saying he was going to Prinzknecht bar around 7 PM and that we could meet there if I wanted to join him.
I arrived at Prinzknecht bar around 8 PM, not far from the famous Kadewe shopping mall. The bar was bustling with people, and several rainbow flags were fluttering at the entrance.
Unlike gay bars in China, where people typically arrive after midnight, this bar had many patrons drinking and chatting by 8 PM. At my age, I felt I could no longer hang out in gay bars in China.
I ordered a pint of draft beer for 4.4 euros. I messaged Mark to let him know I was at the bar, but I didn't receive a reply that evening.
After sipping my drink for a while, a man in his fifties, who had driven from the Netherlands to Berlin, struck up a conversation with me. I really enjoyed the feeling of being approached; it alleviated the loneliness of drinking alone and satisfied my vanity.
He later told me that he had seen me, a foreigner, at the bar and thought, "Tonight, I want to chat with this foreigner." He mentioned that he was divorced but still lived with his ex-wife, and sometimes they would look for men together for threesomes.
We chatted for a long time, and during our conversation, he mentioned that my type would likely be very popular in Europe. Hearing this made me even more determined to immigrate to Europe. I have three candidate cities in mind: Paris, Milan, and Berlin which were the cities I've visited in this trip.
By the early hours, we had both consumed a lot of beer. He mentioned he was staying at a nearby hotel, while I needed to catch the subway back to my hostel. When we said goodbye, he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I stumbled toward the nearby subway station.
The next day, Mark messaged me, saying he had to cancel his plans to go to the bar the night before due to a last-minute issue. He hoped I had a good time and mentioned that he was going to Lab-oratory, a popular gay cruising bar, that night. He said there was a naked party and suggested I check it out, saying we could meet there if I decided to go.
I was too tired that day to go to Lab-oratory; on one hand, I was worried I might catch a cold if I stripped down, and on the other hand, I felt I didn't need that many casual sexual encounters. I was more interested in finding a meaningful relationship.
On Friday night, I went to Prinzknecht bar alone again. After ordering my drink, I went to the restroom. When I came out, I saw a very young guy who looked Korean sitting in the corner, holding shopping bags from LV and Balenciaga, clearly having come to drink after shopping at Kadewe.
I returned to my spot at the bar, and just as I sat down, the young man approached me, tapped my shoulder, and asked, "Where are you from?" I replied, "China, and you?" He said, "Me too." We both laughed heartily. I told him he was very tall, and he said he was 1.9 meters. I remarked that he looked so young that I thought he was Korean because of his fair skin. He mentioned he had just turned 18 and had recently come to Germany to prepare for music school. His name was Felix.
Seeing that I was almost finished with my drink, Felix ordered two beers mixed with cola, saying that they wouldn't get me too tipsy.
If this were a bar in China, I doubt an 18-year-old would approach a 46-year-old man like me.
Since we were both Chinese and met in a gay bar in Germany, we quickly became friends.
Under the influence of alcohol, Felix kept trying to play matchmaker for me, saying he would help me flirt with anyone I was interested in, which led to many awkward moments, considering he was still a kid.
Thinking about my return to China the following Tuesday, I planned to visit the famous gay sauna Boiler in Berlin one more time on Saturday afternoon. I invited Felix, and he said he hadn't been there before and wanted to check it out.
I arrived first and paid the entrance fee of 28 euros. Once inside, I slowly recalled the familiar facilities and corners from nine years ago. I remembered feeling very shy during my first visit, thinking most of the white guys were either tall and muscular or stocky, while I felt unusually small. But this time, I felt much more at ease.
If you don't find a suitable partner to hook up with within the first hour at a sauna, you start to feel very tired and bored, which is one reason I increasingly dislike going to saunas. I felt the same way even at the Royal Hammam sauna in Milan.
Felix didn't arrive until two hours later. He handed me a condom and lubricant he had bought earlier for me to use. However, that night, I didn't encounter anyone I was mutually interested in. Around midnight, feeling very tired, I decided to leave, regretting that I had wasted a golden Saturday night at the sauna instead of enjoying drinks at the gay bar.