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The vampire girl, who don't give a shit.

SPIDER_LOVER
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Synopsis
note: i was going to go for "new life, who dis" for the title. but didn't cause . . . it tells nothing. also i am shit at Synopsis p.s this is not going to be serious at all. writing serious scene's aint my style. its like a half crack fic. ### oh no, i have died. oh no, i have been reincarnated into a fantasy world. oh no, i am a vampire . . . do i care? abso-fucking-lutely not. i may be a "monster" but that wont stop me from my goal what that goal might be you ask? getting laid. ### Our MC, a lazy, perverted high school girl (who might i add, is hella into Yuri), meets an untimely end after making a joke that the universe deem too shitty for her too live. (or maybe because she was too lazy? too mean? idk The universe works in mysterious ways) as her eye's flash before her eye's she had one complaint about it "damn, why was i bitchless" and that was it as her life was snuffed out due to her injuries, now only a dark void filled with nothing remained . . . . . . . . . light erupted into her vision as their eye's fluttered open once again. and they regret that instantly as the sun burns there eye's Disoriented, the mc realises that this is not earth. Why? Because a rabbit with a club the fucking size of that mother fucking comically large spoon, is charging straight at them, aiming to snuff that once re-lit flame out. the mc is definitely not going to die again . . . no, not just yet, a certain overpowered being needed some entertainment from her. but that doesn't mean she will get an easy life though, no . . . the entity's gotta make it an entertaining story to watch. so on her second death bed (a literal patch of grass in the middle of a forest in the middle of another world) time stops and a very familiar semi-transparent screen formed infront of her eye's (think of the screen from ORV or Solo levelling. something like htat) well done for being the host to the ULTIMATE DELUXE SUPER FABULICE VAMPIRE SYSTEM "is this a fucking joke? Am i a joke to you?" Yes "ah, i see" since the host is in danger and has not fucking clue how to fight "hey, i took karate when i was 10!" . . . noted . . . since the host has a fighting ability THAT IS NOT ON THE LEVEL to combat the enemy at this very moment. the system will take over host body temporally. "wait what!?!?" :) ### Warnings i am not, a good writer. perverted mc maybe harem (i dislike harem cause usually any time there is a harem, each member is bland as fuck, so most is gonna be 3 other people) do not take this seriously, this might as well be a crack fic with no fic and toned down a couple levels. OP mc the mc will get item's/powers of characters from different anime's/show's/movie's. no characters though. took ideas from some manwha (cough cough solo leveling) and a few others for the world. but atleast it isn't a carbon copy like most . . . all manhwa (like every single one has something from solo levelling in it.) (the world will be orignal, characters too. but the powers wont)
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Chapter 1 - Wombo Combo

Narration

It was summer - specifically, the summer holidays. That time of year when most kids are freed from the shackles of responsibilities that is school, and are allowed to bask in the warm glow of the sun. With no homework or responsibilities, children of all kind's took to the streets, parks, and backyards. enjoying the thrills of being a young person in the summer heat.

yet. . . our mc is doing none of that. why? 

because while the rest of the world was outside, bathing in the sunshine, shino was bunkered down in her room. staring at her PC with a posture that is not so healthy for her back, well future her problems (she is only a senior . . . soon to be one, so that's very far off).

but, she wasn't just staring at her screen, no. she was playing a shooter, counter strike global offence. 

aaaaand she was probably better off than most gamers . . . why? cause she is a streamer, and a popular one at that. isn't that amazing. she has a reason to be indoors . . . still not healthy but eh. not my place to judge. at least she touch's grass at least once a day.

now let me give you some back story

as a kid, shino like anyone other kid. hated thinking about work, hated doing stuff that wasn't fun (school work). but that was not a problem for her as she had won the genetic lottery and was able to soak up knowledge like a fucking vacuum and easily master useful skills like no tomorrow.

let me paint a picture. if you ever had a friend that never once took school seriously, never studied, never took her own free time to grab a book and learn. nothing like that of the sorts (except the minor shit you find out online), yet some how got a high grade every, single, assignment or task. well, that's shino. in a nutshell.

now, she could put all her effort into schooling and learning so that she could be a betterment to society and help humanity develop. she could. . .

yeah no, she spent most of her free time drinking hot coco (might be addicted), playing game's, watching anime or drawing girl's.

specifically naked girls, cause going on that green site was not enough to satiate her "thirst". so she had to make her own "material" . . . no matter how . . . weird they may be.

but hey, at least what she is doing is generating a fuck ton of money . . . no not the streaming she is semi-popular but not popular enough for it to be a like a full time job, its more like hobby. that makes 100's a week

she took her skill's in art and . . . took commissions, yeah . . . at least she doesn't enjoy drawing furry ****. so she is not that far gone. she just draw's normal ******, like tentacle ****** very normal stuff. . . . . 

. . . 

oh look at the time, it seems i am no longer needed to narrate this novel since our MC shino, has finished streaming. meaning it's time to switch over to her POV, sooooo FUCK THIS SHIT IM OUT ✌️

###

i stretched my limb's after pressing the 'end stream' button. "aaaah" i moaned out as i released the tension in my muscles. i slumped down into my chair and reached out for my cup filled with hot chocolate . . . but it was empty -_-

i was now filled with annoyance as i dragged my self out of the chair "uggghh" i groaned as i got up, with the cup in hand and walked all the way over to the kitchen, to make some more hot chocolate and . . . the cupboard is empty 

"really, come on, i only had like 4 cup's today (note: it's not even afternoon yet)" i sighed as i went to my room to fetch my things, since i no longer had my MAIN ingredient (coco). i HAD to go get some more.

so i grabbed my purse, put on some Appropriate clothing since walking out side in just a white top and underwear is "not normal". i then put some some sandal's on and opened my front door

i walked out the door and travelled to a nearby convenience store. (which was very close by, thankfully)

###

i got in and quickly sped walked to the chocolate section. i picked up a few cooking chocolate bars and walked to go pay. no deviation in the plan in the goal of hot coco

i used the self check out since, it is much faster. i scanned the items and paid for them before putting them in a back and walking out the store.

###

as i was walking down the road, in the corner of my eye i noticed a black cat sitting inside of a card board box. the shit you see in anime. i paused mid step and focused my attention onto the cat.

". . . I could take it home," I muttered to myself, "but that's way too much work." I shrugged, before turning away. "Besides..." i held back a snort "I already have a pussy at home" i chuckle to my self at my own VERY SHITTY joke. 

sadly the universe did not like my joke since the second i turn the corner a guy on a bike riding at probably top speed, ram's right into me sending me flying into a mother fucker car. (JJK fight's be like)

the car also hit's me and since this car was going at speeds of 40-50 mph. my body crumpled upon impact. (insert car slamming into girl sounds)

i was sent flying down the road *slam* i hit the ground once, and bounced back into the air *Bang* i bounced again. *Thud* i hit the ground and start to grind against the floor, friction making sure to burn most of the skin on my body.

but that was minor compared to the many fracturs and broken bones, plus many damaged organs. thankfully i got hit in the back, and landed not on my neck so no broken neck. but also not so good since i was slowly dying from 5 different things. "aaaah!" i tried to cry out since the pain i was in, was agonising. but i couldn't scream. my vocal cords were hanging by a thread. and soon to be cut. i could only whisper. but no one could hear me.

tears streamed down my face, i was crying as much as i could as it was all i could do, it hurt everywhere. and now i will have to suffer like this until i die. however long that may be.

i am not that naïve and i wasn't going to deny it, i am 100% dying today. from just the impact, i felt my chest cave in. not even counting the friction burns i probably got. i can feel it. the searing hot pain coursing through every part of my body and i could barely keep my eye's open. the worst of all, my body wont respond to me, not a single muscle except the eye's and mouth. it was like my body was getting ready for eternal sleep

i knew my body was fucked in every shape and form.

but those was details that no longer mattered 

i was annoyed at life, why did i have to die so early? i haven't even gotten girlfriend yet! the most i have ever done was 2 dates with people i had 0 similarities with. and it was annoying that i could not live long enough for my dream of having sex with a girl to be made. but it wasn't that bad i guess. masturbating was good enough.

 no, what really annoyed me the most at this very moment was that i was at that exact moment in time, and place. to get double teamed on by a bike an a fucking car. it looked a mother fucking mortal combat finisher

"i go-*cough cough* fucking doub*wheeze* teamed *cough* *cough*" i rasped and wheezed out, blood being shoved out my throat since obviously i wouldn't need that anymore.

i couldn't finish what i said, but at least i got some humour out it. but the thread's of my body was getting cut. it was failing.

my eye's dropped down as i no longer had the strength to keep them open. i heard talking but could register what were said as all it sounded like were just sounds. 'i was monologing for a long ass time, yet now you check up on me.' i thought as i realised that this might be the 2 wombo comboers that did me in. 

i mentally chuckled at the thought of "assist - 500" popping up infront of the biker. 

. . .

'damn not to be rude but hurry up and die . . . me?' i thought again, like how am i not dead yet. i should be, but i guess the human body really like's clinging onto life

i knew i wasn't dead yet since . . . i could still hear the talking. but at least now i can hear sirens. i guess i have time to think . . .

. . . 

'is god real? is heaven and hell a thing. is it the buddests way? like reincarnation. in my opinion, i think god aint real. but that would mean it would just be a black void of nothing. and well, that would not be a great after life. reincarnation would be cool but, no memories would make it only a little better than the black void. though if heaven and hell was a thing i would probably go to hell. like i masturbated one . . . hundred, too many times, so I'm definitely not going to heav-'

i cut my internal rant short as i was now able to move my body again . . . strange . . . dead people cant move. 

my eye's fluttered open, and i instantly regrated that as the sun was directly above me. shooting lasering my eye's. "AGH MY EYE'S" i shouted as i closed them. . . i rubbed my eye's before slowly opening them again. this time, adjusting to bright light.

. . . then i realised something . . . this was not earth.

"wtf!?" i asked in pure confusion at the scene infront of me.

a small normal sized bunny with a small horn on top, was standing on its hind legs like a kangaroo infront of me. yet that was fine.

the worser thing was . . . the mother fucker was wielding a GODAMN CLUB the SIZE of . . . yk the comically large spoon? from payday 2. yeah, that size. and that behemoth of a weapon is being held by a barely 2 foot tall bunny. 

i instantly tried to figure out wtf was happing by asking my self 'how am i alive? i died, right? but i feel alive now . . . meaning i reincarnated. does that mean all those isekai were real? fuck.' i looked at the bunny that had less than ideal intentions with me.

it sprang forward and tried to slam it's large ass club down onto me, to send me to the state i was in not 3 seconds ago 'bro, what is this. please god, why do i get this scenario? this is unfair, if you are going isekai me. at least isekai me to a place where i am not going to get spawn killed' i pleaded as this was quite (really fucking) unfair, thankfully a god was listening to my prayers.

the club was racing down to give my life another ending but before that could happen the bunny halted and came to a complete stand still, the wind i could feel over my body was gone (sus), and the noise of rustling was now silent. i tried to move but I also was frozen. 'did time stop?' i thought and yes, it did. and the i found out why, time had stopped.

since infront of my eye's a blue semi transparent screen, like the one in solo levelling (or ORV) materialised infront of my eye's. 

CONGRADULATION for being CHOSEN to be the HOST to the Dazzling Ultimate Mega Blessed Amazing Super Spectacular Vampire System or D.U.M.B.A.S.S.V.S for short

i looked at the screen and shouted (don't ask how she could talk while time was frozen) "are you fucking bullshiting me!? Is this a fucking joke? WHAT TYPE OF NAME IS THAT?!?!"

A/N i dislike "back stories" about mc's, cause I'm shit at it. and hate it. or maybe it's cause i'm shit at writing. who knows.

Also, the moral of this story was . . . don't touch grass. don't go out side. if you do. you will get killed