But, as she swung the hospital wing doors open, her heart couldn't be heavier. Last night, when Harry had returned with Cedric Diggory's body, Minerva McGonagall knew what it felt like to have her heart truly break. Through everything Harry had endured, she had never seen his spirit broken before, but now was a different story.
She remembered the look in Harry's eyes, the tears streaming down his face as he wept and clung to the older champion's body, refusing to release him from his grip, as if he could bring life back into him by simply holding on. As she'd watched Harry through the years, she'd never seen him weep, and got the distinct feeling he was ashamed of doing so.
And she honestly thought that Harry hadn't even realized he was doing it, and now, in the light of morning, she wondered if he'd even had an inkling it had happened. She thought of her own experiences with battle and seeing Order members fall, and some of the moments in the aftermath had been such a blur, she needed other people's testimonies to recall what had transpired.
As she entered the room, she saw the curtains around Harry's bed were open, and Sirius Black was sitting in a chair by Harry's bed. Harry was seated on the bed, eating breakfast from a tray.
"Good morning, Mr. Black. Good morning, Mr. Potter," she said crisply, reverting to her professional demeanor. In times like this, she relied on that more than ever. She had to stay strong and keep her chin up, despite the turmoil and overwhelming devastation she felt inside. She had to try and keep all emotion out of her face and voice if she was going to be any help in this situation.
"Good morning," Harry said softly, exhaustion and pain showing in his voice despite his best efforts to sound otherwise.
"Minerva," said Sirius, turning to look at her for just an instant before his eyes focused on Harry again. "It is good to see you."
"Likewise," said McGonagall, looking him up and down. Guilt held her in its unrelenting grip again as she looked at the haggered man in front of her. Merlin, she had made so many mistakes. If she had truly fought for this man's honor, she would not feel partly responsible for his twelve years in Azkaban. Deep down, of course she knew she might not have been able to stop it altogether, because she remembered how desperate the wizarding world was to try to forget the war after its end.
The public had been hungry for vengeance against the perpetrators, and some of the Death Eater trials that had followed had been complete farces. If you could call them trials, Minerva thought furiously, and Sirius hadn't even gotten one at all. He'd just been thrown unceremoniously in Azkaban without a second thought, never to see the light of day again.
But the truth of the matter remained that Minerva's conscience would be a lot clearer if she had at least fought for him, been in his corner when he needed her most. When the time had called for her to stand up, she had folded and gone along with the crowd. And now, Sirius had ghosts and shadows in his eyes, and he was struggling to face the demons that twelve years of hell had piled onto him.
As she looked at the way he never took his eyes off Harry, pride welled in her heart. She knew he had made his mistakes, too, but it couldn't be clearer that Harry was his top priority now. She had been in the room when Albus had given his instructions, and therefore knew that Sirius had told him firmly that no, he would not go and rally the Order, that he was not going to leave Harry's side. And needless to say, she couldn't be prouder. Knowing Albus, she was sure he would have tried to convince him in a setting when the two were alone, and if that was true, Sirius hadn't budged. He was doing the right thing by his godson.
And this was another reason that Minerva McGonagall was not at all as strong as she'd like to think she was. Over the years, she had known Albus to make some very questionable decisions, and he had been very good at persuading her to go along with him. She especially remembered the time she had voiced her disapproval of baby Harry being left on the Dursleys' doorstep in the middle of the night with only a letter to explain his appearance.
She had watched that revolting family all day, and knew it was no place for Harry to grow up. But Albus, with his twinkling eyes and convincing words, had caused her to stop fighting him, and she knew now that she would forever regret that decision. She didn't think she would ever forgive herself for that.
.....
Want to read ahead by more than 60 chapters?
Then join my patreon now.
Link: p*atreon.com/Nebula_Scribe (Remove the *)
2+ free advanced chapters from each of my books,