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Chapter 11 - In the Shadow of Grief

Harry had been incredibly grateful, because that was indeed how he felt. He loved his friends, Merlin knew he did, but he felt like miles separated them now. How could they ever understand what it had been like to witness what he had? He remembered the period where he and Ron had not spoken for weeks, and even though he had long forgiven his friend for that rift, remnants of bitterness still clung to him. Try being me now, Ron, and see how you like it, he thought, but then felt terrible for thinking such a thing. He couldn't expect Ron to truly understand, could he?

As he sat on the bed now with Sirius in a chair next to him, he was honestly amazed at the lengths the man was willing to go for him. Shame still flooded him when he remembered his breakdown in the middle of the night. He had tried to apologize this morning, but Sirius wouldn't let him. Harry had also been horrified when he realized that any of the others could have been awake last night to hear the entire thing, but Sirius had reassured him that he had put a Silencing Charm over his bed. The moment of vulnerability had been between just the two of them. To this, Harry had no words; he felt to overwhelmed to respond, and once again, Sirius seemed to understand.

The seconds stretched by as godfather and godson waited for McGonagall to arrive with the Diggorys. Harry knew how against this idea Sirius was, and in the last few minutes, he had kept trying to tell Harry not to go through with it. But the boy refused to budge; he knew this was the right thing to do.

"You're really going to do this, aren't you? I can't stop you," Sirius murmured, intense worry present in his stormy gray eyes.

"I have to, Sirius," Harry replied for what felt like the thousandth time. "I have to tell them I'm sorry."

"And I've told you, you have nothing to apologize for," Sirius reiterated, but as Harry looked at him, he saw his shoulders slump in defeat. "But I know I can't convince you. In that case, I'll just be with you the entire time."

"Sirius, you can't," Harry said as he felt fear flood his system. "What will the Diggorys think when they see you? Everyone knows what you look like," he said, with a truly apologetic look. He loathed reminding Sirius that he was an escaped convict on the run, but was terrified he would get caught. He knew that if that happened, the Ministry would show him no mercy, and Harry would never see him again.

A fleeting look of despair washed over Sirius's face, but then, he quickly pulled himself together. "I'll transform, then," he said firmly. "No one will know."

Harry sighed, exasperated. "You know that won't work either," he said. "Dogs are not on the list of animals you're allowed to own. It's not safe for you. You have to hide somewhere. Sirius, I don't want you getting locked up again. I don't want anything to happen to you." The image of Cedric's lifeless face flitted through his mind again, and horror strangled him anew when he thought of Sirius losing his soul to the Dementors all because of him. Harry had caused enough grief to last a lifetime, and he refused to see anyone else get hurt or killed on his behalf.

Instantly, Sirius's expression softened when he caught the look on Harry's face. Quickly, he got out of his chair and came very close to Harry, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, pup," he said softly. "I will stay safe for you. You're right, I'm not thinking straight. But I am still going to be here for you. I will cast a Disillusionment Charm on myself." He raised his wand and did so, and he seemed to vanish out of sight. If Harry looked extremely carefully, he could just make him out, but he had to focus very hard. For anyone else, they would have to be incredibly alert, or know what they were looking for.

Harry recalled Hermione telling him about this charm; she, of course, had read about it. This was the first time Harry had seen it in action, and he was impressed despite himself. But the excruciating worry wriggled inside him all the same. "Sirius, please," he begged. "It'll be all right. Please don't put yourself in danger."

"Trust me, Harry," Sirius's voice was very near his ear. "This charm comes in very handy. I've been lucky to have had my wand replaced this past year."

Harry pondered on this. Sirius must have had his old wand snapped when he was sent to Azkaban. How did he get it replaced? The answer immediately presented itself; Dumbledore must have helped him gain a new one. It must have aided him in eluding capture by the Ministry.

He opened his mouth to say something else, but at that moment, the doors to the hospital wing opened, and McGonagall strode back in, followed by two people who seemed to have aged a decade overnight. It was apparent that neither of them had slept at all, and marks of unbearable grief and loss radiated from their every pore. Cedric's parents had arrived.

And it was then that Harry's resolve to be brave and strong for them fled him. As they came over to his bed, he couldn't bring himself to keep looking at them. His gaze fell to the ground, studying the bedsheets like they were his anchor to the earth. How could he possibly endure a conversation with them?

Suddenly, he felt a hand on his face. It was a soft, tender touch, and it reminded him of Molly Weasley as it lifted his chin. Harry resisted, but eventually, he gave in. He had to face this, didn't he? Wasn't this the reason he had asked for them to see him?