My bottom lip still tingles from Misha's touch. Just thinking about out earlier encounter makes my heart skip an unrhythmical beat. I long for his lips pressed up against mine, hard but yet soft. From the caress of his hand to the sweet nothings whispered within my ear. Every moment we've spent together feels like a dream. A living fantasy that you only read about in books. Yet an euphorical explosion erupts within me when he's within my reach. It's a heavenly havoc which I'm forbidden to be feeling. I am an engaged woman after all. A woman who's bound to vow eternal love towards another.
As these thoughts crept up, guilt too snaked itself into the shadows of my mind. Is this how an engaged woman is suppose to feel merely months before her wedding ceremony? I guess not. I've never before felt this unsure about anything, yet here I am second guessing myself because my heart still yearns for another. Why did Misha Anderson had to reappear in my life? Why does he have to make everything so damn complicated? And why oh why, for God's sake, did these feelings had to return now of all times? What am I to do?
I stare after my father and the man who still takes my breath away. A deep heave tumbles from my lips. On the one hand I wish that Kyle would show up and fix me out of this situation but then again I hope to find myself in Misha's arms. I crave his attention, his affection. I desire every inch of him, it may sound perverted but I really don't mean it that way. I need to get out of here, give Kyle a call and hope for the best, but first I need to inform my parents about my early departure.
I join mom's side where she busy herself with a few extra preparations, offering her my assistance, even though I truly want to worm myself out of this arrangement. "Don't worry about me mom, I won't be staying for dinner," say I. She gives me a pleading look, but there lingers something else within the depth of her gaze. A feeling that gives my heart an uneasy squeeze.
I swallow down the lump that's slowly growing in my throat and avoid her stare as I continue: "I'll just give Kyle a ring and ask him to pick me up." "Please Geni, don't leave not yet. It had been years since we've talked. Be kind and fulfill an old mother's wish by staying a little longer. I've missed you terribly," she asked of me. Tears physically blinking within her eyes.
Seeing her in this state breaks my heart even more. Being the reason behind my mother's emotional states makes me feel like a terrible person. Through the corner of my eye, I can see how a pair of soulful eyes are staring straight at me, as he steals a peak ever so often. A sharp breath tumbles from my lips. No words needs to be said between us, because his longing gaze speaks loud enough.
How I'm still able to read him so clearly, is confusing me? How am I to push this nibbling sensation aside that's pestering through my memory, simultaneously reminding me of what we had. Perhaps the love that I'm trying to find in Kyle is just an illusion and that heaven is actually within reach at this moment, staring at him.
Mom clears her throat, bringing me down from my high. I turn my attention towards her, she smiles kindly at me. I dug my phone back into my pant's back pocket and return her smile with one of my own. "With what can I help, Mom?" I ask. She put down the knife with which she's busy slicing up onions and tomatoes, and pull me into a tight hug.
After a while slicing and chopping, spreading and stacking, Mom turns her attention towards my dad and his companion, who's both enjoying a cold one beside the glowing coals and I'm forced to join them. "What will you have?" Mom asks me as she pours herself a glass of white wine. At first I shook my head not thinking that indulging in its bittersweet taste is such a great idea but my father convinced me otherwise.
In the end I agreed by accepting a 'Purple Ice', a vodka based drink. My taste buds dancing around the flavors of the purple beverage. My senses oozy and foggy as I drown the content in four quick gulps. I popped another cap, take a swirl and feel how the bubbly sensation drugs my better judgement. Staring straight at Misha, oblivious to everyone and everything. My eyes sees only him and my body for some reason reacts too. Not sure if the rush of heat that's enveloping my body is because of the cold drink or if Misha Anderson's to blame.
I hadn't had sex in what seems like forever and neither had I been touched in such a way. The platonic relationship that Kyle and I share never went beyond kissing, which usually only consists of a small one on the lips in a greeting form. Even a school girl would feel sorry for us.
I undid the first few buttons of my pearl pink blouse, fanning myself as I take another swirl of alcohol. "Pardon my boldness but is it just me or did it suddenly became unbearably hot?" I quoted in an apologetic manner as I take my top completely off. Parading in a black sports bra and my faded Levy's. I release myself from the hold of my pants, showing off black boy shorts. Without taking in the expressions of my folks, I walk to the edge of the pool and slide into the water below. Feeling how its refreshment licks at my skin, cooling down my body that's still aglow.
I turn around, looking at the three that's still socializing around the sizzling chops but my eyes seems to notice only his hungry peepers as their trying to undress me to complete nude. Like mere moments before I bite down on my bottom lip and release it in a slow manner, internally wishing that he could bite my lip for me.