Uwaahhh yawning
I woke up rubbing my eyes a soft and cold feeling just like "Mom, Dad?"
Mom isn't here I was sleeping on her lap but woke up on our couch
"Ashwin are you okay?"
"Grandpa?" Catching my breath "Where are.....Mom and Dad?" I asked not wanting to hear the worst
Grandpa frowned, opening his mouth "Well..."
'no' "Your parents..." 'no no no' "They left after you went to sleep" '.....' he averted his eyes with guilt but what's the point everything's gone
Turning my lifeless body towards our television
'I don't want to watch the news' Surely the news already covered the plane crash, with the darkness outside it's already been hours after they left
'that's why I don't want to watch it'
"Did Ashwin wake up?" Grandma asked entering the room
"It's time for dinner...Ashwin?" Grandma stopped mid-sentence when she looked at me
'How do I look' I don't know, but definitely not good I probably look.....ugly
'I shouldn't ' Yes 'I can't worry my grandparents ' Right 'they are the ones who raised me and took care of me' I need to be my best 'after my.....parents...left me' From now on
Smile "Yes Grandma" don't trouble them
Smile "Let's eat I am hungry" run to the dining table like a kid
EAT "Yay I was really hungry" even if you don't want to
Say it's tasty "This is really tasty Grandma" even if you can't taste
SMILE even if you want to cry
SMILE
SMILE
Your pain is only for you to endure
You can't rely on your grandparents
They shouldn't need to understand you
You should not go to them for comfort
Bottle up your emotions
And
Give them the most brightest most cheerful SMILE of a kid
"Thank you Grandma Grandpa, Thank you for everything"
***
I can't.... not anymore
"I am going to sleep now" yawning "Good night Grandma, Grandpa"
I left
Dragging my lifeless body up the stairs
The door in my room made a creaking sound piercing my ears
I got inside, locked the door
My legs gave up, falling down with my back at the door
I am finally alone
My grandma, and grandpa didn't say anything at the dining table, how can they?
The boy who was crying and shouting refusing to let go of his mom and dad
The boy who looked ugly after waking up, not seeing his parents
That same boy suddenly became all smiling, cheerful, innocent
They must be confused, I hope
"Why?" I didn't do anything wrong, then why do I have to go through this
"Tell me" The god's up in the skies I am asking you "Why?" If you exist then tell me "Why?" If you are hearing me then "tell me"
"I know you are hearing me God damn it"
"A sign A feeling anything just fucking tell me WHY!!!"
I covered my mouth I can't scream Grandma and Grandpa are downstairs I-I have to be silent
sniff I-I should keep my voice silent sniff
even if my own tears choke me sniffle
I have to keep my mouth shut aughh sniffle even if my body gets twisted inside gasping I can't let my grandparents hear me sniffle they are the only family I have left sniffle for them I am nothing but a child, an innocent child who don't know anything, that's how it should be