"Was it worth it?"
"Wha… what?"
Sitting in front of me was a much younger man.
"The freedom," he said softly, "was it worth the loneliness?".
I really hadn't grown much in terms of actual height since I was 15 but nevertheless, I could still see the innocence within my own eyes at that age.
"This is what you wanted right?"
He had a hopeful look.
"This is what "I" wanted right?"
I nodded.
"Yes, just like the books."
"And we got it," he replied, "just like I dreamed it would be like. The feeling of being free in a world, where no one knows you, and where you know noone."
He smiled.
"It had to be worth it right?"
I didn't answer him. Because in truth, I didn't really know.
"It had to be… right?"
The hope from his eyes were fading as I let out a sigh.
"I don't know, it does get quite lonely."
"No… but…"
"It's the only thing to look forward to right?"
I looked at him and before he could burst into tears, I put a hand on his shoulder. It really was funny seeing what my younger self was like, and I began to laugh again.
"Why are you…"
"Because I still remember," I said with a smile, "No, that's not quite right. I only remember because I see you now as I was. It's been so long, I've forgotten what it was like. So to answer your question, me, from the perspective of where you are in time now…"
I looked myself directly in the eye.
"Compared to how others wanted you to live, pressured you to live, forced you to live… yes, it was 100% worth it."
He smiled at me in relief.
"That's good to hear,."
"Still though," I said thinking back to it all. It has been over 10 years since I left my hometown. And so much of that time, so much of that journey, would only be something contained within my own memories. Beyond that, even the shared memories with the random fellow merchant, shop owner, or anyone else who appeared in my life for just a short amount of time, those memories would only be shared by a few people. All of whom will one day turn to stardust anyways.
"Don't be mistaken though," I said to him softly, "Even if it's true the loneliness doesn't end, it's a sacrifice you continuously make."
He began to fade as the walls of my dream began to dissipate.
"I'm still greedy though, no?" he said as his voice grew softer and softer, "so isn't there a way… to have both?"
"HU!"
I woke up suddenly to the panicking shouts of a worried Princess.
"I'm up, what is it…"
"Hu I…"
Her opal eyes were bloodshot and filled with fright.
"..."
"Hu I had… I had a nightmare."
I sighed as she just sat there twitching.
"It's fine, it was just a dream. Let me get you some water."
"What! But…"
"You need to sober up a bit Princess,"
"But…"
I looked at her sternly, "Like I said, it's important that you control it. That means getting to just the right amount of high so that paranoia doesn't consume you."
I looked at her again though this time in nostalgia as I smiled.
"Well, not that feeling paranoia isn't a wanted feature of Kush."
"What! No way, what's so good about being paranoid?"
"When you're paranoid, you're not bored, right? Something has to cause your paranoia."
She considered this for a moment as her expression quickly changed to one of curiosity.
"Ye… yeah that's true," she replied, "still, it's a pretty big commitment just for the sake of not being bored. Is doing something that seems so non-essential really worth the drawbacks of these emotions?"
"Well of course. What would you say separates us from machines then?"
"Machines?"
"Like…" I pondered a bit trying to find a good example she would be able to understand, "Like for example… a compass."
I pulled one out of my backpack. Just as it was built to always do, the compass faced directly north.
"Say we live in a world where the desire to not be bored was not something innate within humans. All humans then would simply serve what the circumstances of their birth tells them is their purpose just like this compass. Yes, on a practical level, you may think something as inconsequential as not feeling bored should not be thought of further, but at the same time…"
I put my hand on hers giving her the compass.
"It's what separates humans from machines. Otherwise we would just be exactly like this compass. A compass and a machine do not know boredom. It just does the same task, fulfilling the same purpose, day after day, night after night, without the desire to ever think of anything new, or feel anything "human"."
I paused for a moment trying again to think of the right words.
"It does not even understand the very concept of emotions itself."
I looked at her as she looked at the compass I gave her and then back at me.
"But even so, you would not say there is anything wrong with the compass, would you?"
She shook her head,
"No… I wouldn't."
She just looked down at the ground for a moment going between looking at the compass and then back at the ground lost in deep thought. It really was a paradox, an illogical basis of
what one assigns as being human, that somehow still made perfect sense.
She laid down on the bed again looking up at another new ceiling just thinking for a moment.
"What are you thinking about?"
"It's just…"
She paused trying to gather her thoughts.
"It's just… it's just starting to hit I guess."
Her eyes softened.
"It's like…"
She kept pausing, still not able to speak.
"Go on now," I said, trying to encourage her, "I enjoy it when you're descriptive too."
"How though…" she finally said, "it's like… it's like there aren't enough words to describe it all. How complex it all is."
"It's fine, just try your best," I smiled, "Not like we're lacking on time at least."
"It's just… yeah cliche I know but…"
"It's all so new right?"
"Yeah"
"Try again! That was in fact really cliche."
"But…"
"It's fine. Sorry just… don't think of what a character in the story would say. Think about…"
I paused for a moment.
"Think about what Riko would say."
"Hmmm…"
"Like this. Hu thinks… Hu thinks Riko should consider the things she thought were important before, but were in reality not so important."
As I said that she looked at me and blinked.
"I'm not going to do that Hu only because this feels like it's one of those weird fetishes you picked up from the mature content books I saw you had hidden under your desk."
"What, noo… that's just talking in 3rd person. It's something all readers do!"
"You can disguise it with fancy jargon all you want Hu, you're not fooling me."
She smiled though.
"Still I will tell you what I, Riko Natashi, think of it though. Which is that…"
She paused for a moment with words still not coming out.
"Which is that…"
"You're doing great!"
"Words are hard, ok! Shut up, sit obediently on the bed, slave."
"Okay."
I did as she instructed.
"Anyways as I was saying,"
Her expression changed to one that looked like she just had an epiphany.
"It's like time… flows differently out here."
I smiled
"Go on,"
"It's like… it's like when you're in your bubble… doing the same routine… day after day… night after night… with the same people. The same people you've probably known for years… it's like…"
I could see the existential pencil floating above her head.
"It's like, when I measure it by the calendars in the palace, I'm aware of the amount of time that passed but, in this moment…in this moment it's as if none of it really mattered. As if all that time is no different than a single hour in time that I had spent playing piano, or learning math."
She looked over at me.
"Hu, why aren't you talking?"
I didn't respond.
"Do… Do you not agree?"
She began to look at me irritatedly.
"Do you not agree Hu?! If you think I'm just some silly child saying nonsense, tell me now!"
Still I did not respond, instead just staring at her.
"Hu say something! You are usually quite the talker and yet now you remain silent. Do you agree with what I'm saying or not?"
"Don't worry about what I think."
"What, but…"
I smiled at her.
"You should just love yourself, in knowing that it is what you yourself think. You should feel that your words, because they are yours and yours alone, are enough. You don't need other people's approval for that."
"I know… it's just…"
She turned away from me before saying something under her breath.
"Your opinions specifically are nice to know."
I looked down at my watch which read close to noon already. Yawning, I got up slowly from my bed to begin the day.
"Whelp, like I said though, we have plenty of time now to agree and disagree on a great deal of things of various degrees of importance. We slept in pretty late though, just remember Princess…"
I went over to grab my inventory bag.
"We are here for business too, that's something that never changes."
I looked at her checking her pupils carefully. For once, I was happy her eyes had gotten less red by this point.
"Now that said, for 'business' purposes Riko, I trust you understand we need to meet new people who can show us things like where other traders are so that we can buy and sell our goods, right?"
She nodded.
"Yep, that makes sense."
"And if you'll also realize Riko. In order to make those connections, we must talk to the local people in the area."
"Well yeah, obviously. Do you think I'm an idiot? While I don't like flexing about it, I am still a very educated woman!"
"Oh good," I said smirking, "then an educated woman like yourself surely would not mind if for business reasons, I talk to other women like the Innkeeper who happens to have nice flowing hair and…"
She kicked her slipper at me.
"You don't have to describe it, I get it!"
I chuckled, picking up the slipper and handing it back to her.
"Well good, just making sure. Just to let you know Princess, the majority of our customer base is actually women."
"That's not surprising, you sell jewelry."
"Oh, so there will be no problems with that later too then I presume? We must begin work for the day now."
"Why would there be a problem with that?" She asked, getting up to open the door for us to leave the Inn's hotel. I could see a smirk as she walked in front of me.
"Maybe it's just your imagination Hu! You really are a narcissist, you know that? Like someone with as high a value as me would ever get jealous of…"
"Would you like some new towels?"
As we continued down the Inn's path, a rather attractive looking green haired maid with an upper body that…
"Eeeeeeek"
I shrieked. I had not even said anything out loud yet when the Princess somehow, sensing my inner thoughts, stepped on my toes.
"We're fine on towels!" she said to the sweet maid who…
"Don't even think about it, look forward, slave!"
I obeyed her orders doing just that, looking forward down the hall not daring to turn to look at…
"I do apologize."
The princess suddenly jumped on my back.
"This here is my sla… butler that I actually bought recently from the port here at Touki. He's kind of bad at the job right now due to being quite the degenerate with his degenerate fantasies. Do ignore him and think of him no more than just a bug, or perhaps a scrape of dust on the side of a window."
She kicked me on the side of my stomach.
"Move sla… butler!"
I obeyed her submissively as I carried her on my back.
"And you know what! Actually, I changed my mind. I will be the one who will be asking the front desk Inn keeper where we can go to buy and sell goods from now on!"
"What, but…"
"I've read enough degenerate male novels to know exactly how this will go Hu! It always 'starts' as an innocent way of how the guy meets other girls. But oh, how convenient, then suddenly the guy gets placed in increasingly unlikely 'coincidences' with each girl who then unexpectedly, out of nowhere, dumps her whole life story on him so he's forced to be emotionally invested now!"
"Umm…"
I couldn't really deny her claims on how the story usually goes for the average novel I read to be honest. That seemed perfectly accurate.
"Well you won't be having a degenerate fantasy with that lady, buddy! Not that one! I'm cutting you off at the source. Bwhahaha."
"What? But Riko, the front desk workers are probably the most likely to know where we should go for trade. Money is something that's actually in the 3D world you know. We actually need it to survive and stuff. This isn't just some book, where conveniently…
"It is now Hu bwhahahahahaah," she said laughing like a maniac "it is now!"
My heart skipped a beat as I could feel the inner workings of her sadistic side fully take form as she breathed heavily over my shoulder as I continued to carry her.
"And who am I now Hu, who am I? Bwhahahaahaha"
"Umm… my master?"
"The Author!"
"Ahhh…"
Whelp, let's see what happens next.