Summary: Some small moments for fluff and nightmares
"Log Date 784, The Lapis has attempted to create a 'bonding ritual' from human culture. In the spirit of 'friendship', I shall accompany her through this experience." Peridot told her recording device.
The less awkward it was and large groups, the better. Besides, it would be nice to communicate with another rebel. She walked over to the gem. "Greetings Lapis and abomination of science."
"I prefer the spirit of awesome, but whatever floats your boat." The disembodied floating head spoke. "So I was thinking something like an amusement park … because that's fun and junk."
"Well, you two are the experts, who am I to question it." Peridot nodded. "So what does one do at an 'amusement park'?"
"Well first of all, they must wear this piece of paper taped to their backs. It's a sign that signals to everyone you're a normal person who just wants to have fun." Lapis handed said object to her.
Peridot looked at the paper. "You mean this inferior use of communication sheets that clearly says 'kick me'?"
"It's a test. It lets people know that you're cool and chill with everything." The horror of nature redundantly known as Ponyhead looked like she was snickering. "Oh, and you should totally wear these too while you're at it." The disembodied head handed her two image modifiers. 'Underwear' with inaccurate depictions of extra-terrestrial covered all over them, and false facial hair that made her nose twitch. "That way people know you're the coolest gem around."
"Oh, so this is 'fashion'." She noted. "Marco said that's why he wears his hoodie all the time." She reluctantly put the image modifier on, placing down her recorder to give her free range, slowly slipping them onto her head. For some reason the two looked like they were about to throw up, holding their mouths shut and looking away.
"You look totally….amazing…Peridot." Lapis said in between her gags. Perhaps the terraformer had consumed too much food. Pearl was wise to never eat at all, even if 'popped' corn was oddly satisfying. "Now come on, let's get going."
"Yes, let's commence the ritual of fun." Peridot began walking to the 'bored walk', as it were, hoping that the name wasn't an apt description for what occurred. "Oh, my recorder." She went back to grab the device….and suddenly found herself slipping on a mud puddle she was sure wasn't there before.
"Oh wow, that's an unfortunate and a totally random occurrence that just happened out of nowhere." 'Ponyhead' said with a tone she couldn't be sure was genuine.
"Odd, I don't recall seeing any forecast for watery weather, and I see no sources of water around…" She turned to the Lazuli.
"Don't look at me, I control water, not mud." She waved her hands defensively.
"Alright …" She went to grab the recorder one more time, only to slip again. "Dang it." And again. "Just need." And again. "Traction." Everytime she did, the 'gagging' from her two companions only seemed to get worse.
"Keep trying, Peri-D, you'll get there eventually." Ponyhead encouraged. "Hey look! There's an I'mamorron right above you."
"I'mamorron?" She questioned, looking up but seeing nothing but the sky. "Is that the name of a cloud formation? Where is this I'mamorron? "
"We're looking right at her!" Lapis gagging exploded…resulting in laughter filling the air, the horse head joining her.
"Oh …" Now she understood. She was the butt of a humiliating joke … well if they wanted her to suffer, they did their job. She should just get the recorder and leave. "If you wanted to mock me, you should've just said so."
"Sorry Peri-d, it was just too tempting." Ponyhead mocked as her horn was glowing. "Watching you run around like a headless chicken is hilarious." Her horn was using magic…which was lifting up her Recorder!"
"Please, please, please let that go! That was a gift! The first one I ever had!" Peridot reached up for it, but unfortunately, without her limb enhancers, she couldn't do much but jump futilely.
"Hm, I don't know, your fate is more in Lapis's hands than mine. What do you say girl, should we let her have it or chuck it in the ocean?"
Lapis looked like she was contemplating it, before shrugging. "She can always get another one." The recorder was being tossed overboard.
"NOOO!!" She screamed, desperately reaching it over the cliffside for the object, the thing that held her for so long … the thing that was remaining stationary in mid air … what? "It's … safe …" It came floating back to her, eventually resting in her hands. She watched it, as water began to fall onto the object. She looked up, seeing no water … before realizing her eyes were just lubricating themselves … "I'm heading back to the barn." She needed to get away before they tried it again.
"Hey, no hard feelings, right?" The Ponyhead called out to her.
"...You called me out here on the false premise of being friendly, humiliated me, and attempted to destroy one of the few items of sentimental value I have." Peridot growled. "You refuse to see that I've changed, Lazuli. So let me just state for the record that you've changed. You've changed for the worse."
"... I know." The gem shrugged like it was no big deal. "Being Malachite will do that to you … for the record, if we're being brutally honest … nothing you do will ever make me forgive you, and I don't blame you if you do the same for me."
Ugh, emotions were just so difficult to manage, especially with Marco explaining the concept of guilt and Steven literally proving the impossible. "I don't like who you are now….but I won't give up the possibility you can be better. After all, that's what your friend Steven always talks about."
The blue gem didn't say anything, merely standing still. Peridot couldn't focus on this now. She had to tell her REAL friend the momentous accomplishment she just achieved today.
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Star sat next to the door to the washing room, laying against the wall as she stared off into the distance. "I can't return it …" She muttered. "You've gotta do it Steven." She pleaded to her brother.
"Star, I feel for you about your feelings, and I won't tease you for it." Steven sighed. "And I know our process for dealing with personal junk is pushing it away, but don't you think this is one of those times where you shouldn't avoid what you need to do?"
"Steven, I don't know what to say if I see him again." She admitted. "If I do, I might just stay and try to convince him to break up with Jackie … I don't wanna do that, he already put so much effort into it."
"This IS Marco we're talking about, you know. He doesn't get convinced easily." Her brother sat next to her. "And you don't even need to say anything. All you have to do is go to his front door, hand him the hoodie, and walk away."
"Steven, the last time was supposed to be the last time. Do you know the amount of awkward energy that will generate?" She asked him.
"And do you know that you plan on hanging around me … who will hang around the gems … who will hang around Marco."
"Once again, Gem stuff just makes the world more complicated." Star huffed. "How did you keep your mouth shut on your feelings for Kelly?"
"By acknowledging she was with someone else, and just accepting it … also it helped said feelings weren't fully realized." He answered. "Maybe that's what this is. Is dating Marco the absolute first thing that's in your head. Is that the most important thing to you right now?" He poked her arm. "If Toffee came back from the dead with a ghost army armed with lasers, would Marco being your boyfriend be your number one priority?"
"No, it would be fusing into Starry Quartz so we can learn how to kill ghosts …" She paused. "Can Starry Quartz take the hoodie back to him?" It would be the best of her not taking it and taking it at the same time! Eat your heart out paradox cat man!!
"I just went through a whole thing about not using fusion casually, but I can come with you as you return it."
"... I'll take it." She sighed. "This is gonna be awkward."
"Hey, it's less awkward than Kelly and Jana being in a room together. Jana tries, but Kelly just sort of pulls back when I try to get them to talk."
"Hey, it's better than whatever happened between Ponyhead, Lapis, and Peridot." Star said. "I just heard offhand comments from Pony but … I think Lapis is a lot more dangerous than we gave her credit for."
"No doubt about it, but she doesn't try to kill people…often." Steven sighed. "It's just another wait and see thing. Like Jasper still being on the loose, Mina still existing, and homeworld being around. You got to tackle one issue at a time, no matter how slowly."
"Fine." Star growned. "As soon as the knight comes back with the hoodie, I'll take it to Marco."
"BACK YOU FIENDISH STAIN! HAVE AT THEE!!" A shout came from within.
"Maybe by the time he's done we can solve all of our problems." Ah, poor naive Steven, still as hopeful as ever. "Like where in the universe is Pad?"
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Kevin handed another beer to the bush, taking a large gulp. "Man, you may be a midget, but you can sweet talk the pants off of any chick."
"It's a gift. I had to learn how to convince random strangers to let me crash at their place when my parents kicked me out." Tad, as his name was, wiped his mouth. "I like to play the long game. Just get them comfortable around you long enough before going in for the kill."
"Sorry to say, but I don't swing that way." Kevin joked, taking a sip. "But I admit, having you in my life definitely increased social standing. I can't believe some assholes ditched you."
"I know! They were my only friends too …" The bush growled, cracks on his cup forming. "Then again, friends are putting it loosely when they barely bother to learn a thing about me. My girl doesn't even remember my name anymore, and we dated for two years! We lived together!"
"You know what man, you deserve better." Kevin clinked their beers together. "Two whole years and she can't be bothered to remember a name as simple as Tad? Not even a last name, just Tad."
"Yeah, and it's all because her attention is on that fat pink crybaby Steven." Tad said that name like a curse. "Everytime something came up, either him or his sister were in the center of it, and we all just had to bow and kiss their asses as they made everything about them."
"Oh yeah, crazy chick. Did you hear that she's moving away?" He asked. "Apparently runnin back to her fancy castle." He totally would've scored with the ditz if that stretchy freak didn't get in the way.
"Good riddance. Now I know a dimension I can stay in without having to look at their dumb faces." Tad groaned. "What about you man? Any luck getting it good?"
"Meh, girls just say I'm a creep whenever I flirt with them. I have no idea why." He went in, talked them up, and tried to show them something fun. What went wrong in the process there!?
"At least you leave an impression. No matter what, they'll be thinking about you, and that's how you win."
"Yeah, that's a plus …" Kevin noted. "Being ignored sucks, doesn't it?"
"I got the scars and hospitable bills to prove it." The bush smirked. "But it can only last so long." He pulled out his phone. "I still send Kelly messages. She doesn't read them, but she hasn't blocked me either. So the moment she's done using Steven, she'll come running back to me."
"Ah, addiction, a truly sadistic tactic …" Kevin leaned back. "Tad … no homo … but I think you're the only guy on the planet I can genuinely call a friend."
"Same bro, I love ya man…no homo." They laughed their asses off. So this is what having friends was like….felt weird in a good way.
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"So then we blasted him with rainbow sparkles so hard he actually started melting at the bones." Jackie listened as Steven explained the story. "From there we kinda just cleaned up, gave Ludo a soul journey he literally asked for, and partied hard … Star set the palace on fire three times that day."
"Yeah, I remember that last part. I actually remember the day Jana ordered those illegal fireworks." Jackie laughed. Marco surprised her with a sudden double date with Steven and Kelly, so it was just a fun moment for two couples to unwind. "So if we ever play truth or punishment again, you can add 'killed a man' as a viable question."
"Nah, he only turned Toffee to paste. Ludo struck him dead. Loophole!" Kelly had her arm around her boyfriend, who blushed.
"Technically I still don't have 'killed a man' to my name, and I'm okay with that." He smiled, nuzzling into the girl's wild mane. "What about you Jackie, how was your summer?"
"Oh it was great! Spent a lot of time with Sadie. I got her a pair of skates and she got me into Karaoke. She has a really good voice." The girl just needed to get over the shyness and she'd be a rockstar in no time."
"Maybe we should do something there." Steven said. "It's always been life and death stuff lately, and the recent streak of dealing with emotional stuff feels much better."
"Tell me about it. We traveled to Empire City and essentially sang the entire day with improvised lyrics." Kelly laughed. "Steven even showed me how to play piano while Marco played the trumpet."
"Oh, did you now? Do I hear you joining band practice next year, Marco?" She turned to her boyfriend… who was gazing at a cape he's been wearing all day. "Marco?"
"So silky… what's happening now?" Marco looked at the group with a dazed look.
"Dude, have you really been obsessed over that thing the entire time?" Steven asked. "It's a cape. Your hoodie looks much cooler than it anyway."
"Hey, don't disrespect the cape, I earned this, I'm an honorary knight now.." Marco defended.
"My dad said and gave that to you just as a thanks. You hold no position whatsoever." Steven rolled his eyes. "If you want to be an actual knight, you'll be working at the bottom as someone's squire as a glorified janitor for about a year before moving on to something actually big."
"... Oh …" Marco looked dejected at that. "I see …" He rubbed the back of his head. "I should um … put this away then."
"Yeah, you go do that." Jackie snorted as he walked away from the table. "He may not be around much, but he still knows how to make me laugh."
"Sorry Jackie, Marco's caught the action bug ever since his third prison break out." Kelly apologized.
"Did that count as his third, or did he do a couple in the Neverzone?" Steven asked with curiosity. "Either way, his brain's kind of permanently on adventure time. Amethyst says he even poofs one or two corrupted gems on solo missions now."
Jackie hummed at that. "So … icarus flew too close to the sun …" She muttered.
"What?"
"I always wanted to see what he grew into … but it looks like he grew so fast the earth isn't his home anymore." She chuckled.
"Funny… it's kinda the opposite for me." Steven sighed. "I finally started learning about who I am when I started coming to earth, and not just the gem stuff, but… just the sheer life that can grow here in all shapes or forms."
"And I've spent so much time with Steven now that he feels like home." Kelly pecked her boyfriend's cheek. Ah, may their passion never fade.
"I'm happy for you guys, I really am." She said with full honesty. "Well, if Marco found who he really is, maybe it's time I tried finding out for myself."
"You want to come with us on the next mission?" Kelly asked. "I can lend you a crossbow."
"I'll put that as plan B if the first option doesn't work out." Dating Diaz had given her some pretty fun and supportive friends if nothing else. "I have always wanted to see more of the world."
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Dreams were a weird world for Steven. It usually plopped him in a situation he didn't prepare for. The sitcom dream was a reoccurring one now, the cast having expanded to include Lapis, Peridot, Buff Frog, and so on.
Ludo was there too, but he was less recurring as he was a seasonally misunderstood bully that learns a heartfelt lesson at the end of it, like one now. "Wow, friendship really is magic. Literally." He pointed to the dancing cat. The audience laughed at that.
" I'm not so much magic as I am talented. I didn't spend three years at dance academy busting my butt off to have all my hard work explained by the wave of a magic wand."
"It can be explained if I can beat you!" Star shouted. "Hit the trombone Lapis!" The audience cheered as the tall lady began to play. Star and the Cat got into a dance off. "Can't do it alone, tag in Bro!"
"You got it, sis! Watch and learn folks, the Q-fly is about to bring it!" Steven jumped right in the middle, and made various flips and turns that would be a pain and a half for him to do in real life. "Just gotta go with the funky flow!"
"And the winner is … Quartz Universe!" The audience cheered with the soundtrack. "You get the grand prize!" The soundtrack 'oooohh'ed at that.
"What do I win?" He asked.
"You get to open the door!" The principal pointed to a … purple clover door. The soundtrack looped like a broken record, constantly screaming with anticipation.
"Ah…are we sure about that? Looks kind of suspicious."
"Open the door Steven." Everyone spoke at the same time, wearing the same smile as black ink dripped from the walls. "She's calling for you."
"She?" Steven asked the audience, but got no response. The goo just got bigger and thicker, as he felt a sense of forbidding dread he hasn't felt since Toffee.
"Open the door." One by one they sunk in the goo, the flow of it pushing him to the object in question.
"Agh! This is a little intense just for a game show prize!" Reluctantly, he began to turn the knob, twisting it and cracked it open. "What the…"
Right before him was the Queen of Darkness herself, Eclipsa Butterfly… and she looked pissed.
" Give me back my friend!" Hewasdeadhewasdeadheasdeadthiswomanwouldkillhim…
" Stay back!!" His whole body turned pink as he held his arms up.
The entire world broke, Steven gasping for air as he shot out of head, feeling himself over. "Okay … I don't know if someone entered my dream, or I entered their's …" The fact it was the image of Eclipsa only confused… and terrified… him.