Summary: A normal everyday birthday
Greg placed down his gift onto the present pile. He really hoped an earth guitar would cheer the boy up, he seemed way too stressed lately. "I can't believe it, fourteen years, the time just flies on by."
"Greg, old chum, you're preaching to the choir." River slapped him on the back and tossed his own boxed present that was oddly shaped like a mutton. "It seems only like yesterday I was fishing him out of that river from the jaws of death."
"You know there's actually a fun Japanese story about finding a boy born from a pink peach downstream." Greg laughed. "I live in a weird world when stories like that seem average."
"Yes, I suppose we all do." Moon looked over the guests, ranging from humanist to freaky. "He should have been here by now … Garnet, do you know when they'll arrive?"
"In a minute." They stated. "They'll be awkward for some reason though."
"You are talking about a bunch of teenagers, awkward is kind of in the dictionary when you look it up." The girl in the green cap, Jana he believed, responded with a sly smirk.
"Oh, hey there guys." He turned to see … a giant Crystal man with snakes for hands. Definitely reaching the high end of the weird meter. "Hope it's not too late to give presents." The man held up a box. "I got him a music box." He whispered.
"Oh Rhombulus...you're here…lovely." Moon said with a strained tone.
"You a friend of Steven's?" Greg asked with confusion.
"Heck yeah, we're gem buddies! He's the only guy who thinks I'm cool." He sounded like a middle school teenager, and suddenly became much more normal for it. "Sadly I can't stay for long though." Rhombulus sighed. "The High Commission wants me to bring in this 'Greg Universe' guy for questioning about his relation to the Rose Guard."
"Oh, well, that's lovely, we shouldn't occupy your time any more with such important business going on." Moon rapidly opened a portal and waved her hand towards the gem headed being, who started to glow blue. "Best you better be off now."
"Can't I just stay for the birthday so-OOONNNNGGGG!!!!!" Rhombulus was flown into the rip in the air before it was automatically closed up.
"So does this make me an inter dimensional criminal?" He asked River.
"Something like that, if they're asking about Rose, then they probably just freeze the lower half of your body into a crystal and hold you there until you talk." How was prison starting to sound like the safer option for his health?
"Oh, you should get a fake name." Amethyst spoke excitedly. "How about … Bill Butler?" Ah, like Lil Butler.
"Great, now I'm tempted to watch those tapes again." Not exactly how he wanted his day to go.
"Don't worry, Mr.Universe, I'm more than capable of leading them off Quartz's trail." Moon reassured him. "Me and Garnet have been creating false leads and some commotions distract them.
"A bit of a prison break here, a yakuza there, a gem prophecy somewhere." The fusion shrugged as they turned their heads. "And they're coming …." She trailed off, dropping her drink.
Following her gaze, she saw the kids all looking awkward, especially Steven … who was taller and wearing a pink Jacket with a Star on his shirt…it actually looked like the ones he used to sell back when he first started on the road.
"Hey…guys.." Steven's voice was noticeably deeper too as he responded with an awkward wave.
"Steven, are you okay?" Moon asked with concern.
"Yeah mom … just kinda, stayed in Hekapoo's dimension for three years and didn't change back, so …"
"WHY ON ANYWHERE IN THE MULTIVERSE WERE YOU IN HEKAPOOS DIMENSION!?" The queen shook their son frantically.
"Well, we were using scissors that, as it turns out, Pony Head stole." Marco stated.
"Wow, throwing me under the bus?" A floating pony head spoke.
"I know you would do the same to me." Marco spat back.
"Anyways, we were told too late about the time difference when we realized Marco entered the portal, so Marco was there for sixteen years while Steven and Kelly, who were about a minute ahead of me, stayed there for three years." Star explained as he patted Steven's back while Kelly held his hand. "We have no idea what the deal is here, Marco was a complete hunk with shredded abs, and he lost it all."
"So much effort gone." The boy looked at his hands longingly.
"I told you guys, mental age." Jana spoke up. "He's only this old cause he thinks he's this old."
"Really? So this isn't permanent then?" Steven asked with a bit of hope in his voice.
"Nope, you just have to think really childish thoughts and stuff."
"Hah! That's going to be easy! We're basically childhood incarnate!!" Star wrapped her arm around her brother's shoulder. "And what better way to remember that than on your own birthday!?"
"Heck yeah, happy day for once with lots of fun, let's do this!" The boy had a pink aura about him, turning younger … until he looked about eight with his clothes now being a bit baggy. "This …isn't going to be easy, is it?" His son asked with a squeaky voice.
"Don't worry kiddo." He patted the boy on the head. "We're here for you, that's what family does." Even when it was freaky as heck.
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Tom had mixed feelings about attending. On the one hand, it showed off how far he's come in his anger when Steven actually gave him an invite to his party, something the demon swore the Butterfly prince would never do. On the other hand, it also just reminded him that Star was not his girlfriend anymore, and that would always put a thorn in his gut.
But on the third and fourth hand … this was both hilarious and depressing. The child stared at the pink and candy looking cake. "Maybe I'm too old for birthdays?" The eight year old asked, the aura showing back up before going to middle aged. "I've lived off the land for three years eating nothing but fish and berries and the like, maybe it's time I let go of sweets altogether…"
"Heck no, Q-fly! That's just your rapidly crazy old brain making you think dumb thoughts. Here, shove this in your mouth!" Ponyhead catapulted three servings of ice cream and a slice of cake into Steven's mouth, splattering him in frosting and sprinkles all over.
"Pony that … tastes amazing!" The boy changed to a four year old, now shoving it into his mouth like a glutton. "Cookie cats, cookie cats, so yummy!"
"Where did you get them? I thought we bought the last one in the universe?" Jana asked.
"There's a black market for everything nowadays, including making really convincing bootleg sweets." Pony responded.
"Ponyhead, what have I told you about messing with dangerous stuff!?" The boy turned seventeenish. "Why do I always have to be the responsible one?"
"So this is just the thing today?" He asked Marco.
"Pretty much…Tom..right?" Marco asked him, squinting his eyes like he barely recognized him. "Sorry, my brain's been playing catch up on old memories after spending sixteen years by myself. I've almost forgotten what it feels like to sit at a table, or to be in a house with air conditioning."
"Yeowch, you might actually have it harder than him." He pointed to the old man.
"It's all my fault, so many regrets, I keep messing things up …" Steven's face got old and wrinkling, becoming bald and more fragile than a piece of paper. "Why did I bother coming back…?"
"Cause I'm here." Star held his face. "Your fun loving sister who cares for you. Now calm down, and enjoy your special day. You deserve it, you young king." His ex placed a toy crown on the boy's head, and that made him shrink back into around that ten year old state."Aw, I almost forgot how adorable you really are, aren't you, aren't you?" The girl lightly squeezed.
"No, no, I'm a big boy, I'm a big boy..!" The kid laughed. This actually had the opposite effect, the boy becoming smaller and smaller … until there was a pile of clothes.
"Ahhh!! I wiped Steven from existence!" Star shrieks with everyone else, before a crying came from the pile of clothes.
"Hold up, let me see." Jana, being the only one bold enough to check, shuffled the shirt around a little before revealing a baby in place. "Huh, he really is just that cute at any age, isn't he?"
"Aww." Kelly walked over and scratched the boy's cheek, getting a giggle. "You're just the bravest little baby in the universe, aren't you? Yes you are.."
"I … feel really out of place now." Tom spoke. "I'm just gonna focus on your problem and hope that fixes itself." He told Marco.
"I didn't even think about my girlfriend for over a decade, Tom! That's terrible, it's awful!" Marco for the most part seemed to be occupied with his own thing to notice anything else around. "That makes me a bad boyfriend…oh no, I'm worse than Tad!"
"Dude, you're not a bad boyfriend. You were gone for sixteen years but to her it was less than a day." Tom shrugged. "Just talk with her about it, maybe see if you still want to be together."
"Yeah…yeah that sounds good…thank you." It actually felt nice to help him out…especially since he wasn't dating Star.
"Besides, it could be worse." Tom smirked. "Anyone who has a crush on Steven now is a technical pedophile."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHH!" The kid himself started wailing.
"Dude, not cool." Jana smacked him across the head.
"How would he even comprehend what I'm saying!?" He shouted in confusion.
"Because my brother just happens to know when you do something bad." Star rocked her brother back and forth, trying to calm him down. "Don't worry, the bad scary demon can't hurt anyone anymore, you're going to be just fine." Even when he wasn't trying, Steven STILL got in his way.
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Moon rocked the little baby back and forth. "There there, don't cry little one, mommy is here." She let the boy suck on her finger, memories of old coming to fruition. The good old days when everything was so simple. Where it actually felt like she could protect her children from the harsh world just by holding them in her arms.
"Wow, you're a natural with this." Mr. Universe said as he and the gems watched her in awe and amazement.
"If the Butterfly family has one good trait … it's the desire to care for our children above all else." She smiled, watching the boy coo at her.
"So babies require motion and an object to suck upon." Pearl spoke, looking at the child in question. "Exactly how much memory can he contain within his reduced cranium? Can he still retain full cognitive function in this smaller form?"
"Dude, I'm pretty sure your nerd talk is scaring him." Amethyst pointed to Quartz's now slightly unnerved expression.
"It's alright little one, I'm here." She sat down in a rocking chair, letting the motions comfort him. The memories of her own mother holding on to her when she struggled to sleep, or when Rose would provide a warm shoulder to lean on when she needed it. She found herself humming lightly as she held the boy close to her chest, and the words to an old song came to mind.
"Look to the stars, my darling baby boy.
Life is strange and vast…
And filled with wonder and joy.
Face each new sun, with eyes clear and true…
Unafraid of the unknown…
Because I'll face it all with you."
She now held the sleeping form of her five year old child, resting comfortably in her lap. "You know, for all the trouble it might cause, I almost wish he could stay like this." Moon confessed.
"I know what you mean … this is the closest I can get to growing up with my son." Mr Universe smiled. "Such an innocent kid with a lot of pressure."
"I always thought we'd be the one relieving the pressure off of him as he grew." Garnet kneeled down as she patted the boy's resting head. "When Rose announced she was pregnant, none of us knew what to expect of Steven, or what he would be. I initially assumed he was a fusion of Rose and a small piece of Greg."
"I thought for sure he'd just be Rose but stuck in a tiny form." Amethyst sighed.
"I thought it would just be Rose trapped inside of a child and needed to be extracted." …. Everyone stared at Pearl. "I'm just going to … admire the trees over there." She said, awkwardly walking off.
"I can't exactly blame you for your assumptions, I had no idea what to think of a baby with Rose's powers, or the idea of Rose having a child at all. I call her slightly maternal…just not completely…responsible."
"It wasn't something Rose decided to do out of the blue. For the longest time, I saw her hesitate to be around babies at all, saying it dug up old memories." Greg said, rubbing his son's back. "Then one day I was babysitting my friend's son, and all that worry just seemed to melt away when we watched over him together…though not without getting into a problem involving a ferris wheel."
Moon laughed. "It sounded like you two had a wonderful time."
"It was the best time in my life … the one woman I wouldn't trade for the world … well, I guess I traded her for him." He rubbed his son's head. "But I guess it was fine in the end for someone as kind and lovable as you, Steven."
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Peridot watched as The Marco came back. "Glad to see you return after that 'birthday celebration' you deemed oh so important." A specific day dedicated to the creation of a single being that is celebrated once a year seemed so ridiculous. Things were brought into the life cycle almost daily from what she observed on this planet, plenty more interesting than most human 'births', she's read up on.
"Oh yeah..still celebrating…just needed some time…away from everyone…felt weird being with people after so long." Marco walked into the room, with a dazed look in his eyes.
"So long?" She asked in confusion. "You're with people everyday? Are you having a malfunction? A 'stroke' of some kind?" These terms were so confusing.
"Oh no…you remember what I told you about other dimensions, right? That's where Star and Steven are from…well Steven technically belongs on earth…but that's not important. The point is I stayed there for … sixteen years, and to everyone else it was just a minute."
"Oh, so you just experienced time dilation." She realized. "No big deal, you'll adjust."
"I can't just 'adjust'! I lived sixteen whole years of another life that I was happy to enjoy! I've met and lost friends in that world who're skeleton's are probably nothing more than dust if they haven't completely forgotten about me! And I come back, regressed from a totally rocking body that could've given Garnet a run for their money under the right circumstances! I couldn't even remember my own freaking computer password!"
"Marco." She deadpanned. "We live forever. You really don't get to talk about age-based existentialism with me. To gems, hours become days, days become months, months become years, into decades, into centuries."
"How do you not go crazy from that?" Marco looked at her. "How do the days just not…go by in a blur without getting jumbled and messy?"
"They blur." She explained, "I just keep the facts straight as a reference. The only exception being before my creation." She sighed. "I existed, and then I got put to work. I'm chosen to work in Kindergartens, so I do what I can to understand geological practicality. I get stranded on this rock by your friends, so now we work together to not die."
"That seems pretty morbid."
"It's either that or acknowledge the fact you are all likely to die out before you invent space travel, standing me here on a planet with a star that will die and leave us on a rock floating in the void with nothing but thoughts … you know, normal gem stuff." She answered with a smile. "Pass me the coupling?"
"Yeah..sure." Marco did as he was told. "When you put it like that…it sounds pointless and absolutely terrifying to even think about complaining. I have an extra sixteen years of life that people my age wish they could have. I've learned how to sword fight, how to ride a dragon cycle, and how to decipher tweety different lost dialects. I'm awesome!"
"Exactly, focus on the pros and move on with your life. Now you're thinking like a Peridot!" While Peridot would never dare to sink to the lowly levels of those Crystal Clods, the concept of having a form of companionship with the Marco human did seem to have a little merit.
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Tad watched as the girls hugged around the constantly shifting Steven. "Come on … adult … child … teen … something!" He ended up middle aged. "Is this what I have to look forward to? Being bald?"
"Well Mr.Universe is pretty bald so.." Star observed, and that only made the guy grow even older. "Ahh! That was the wrong thing to say!"
"Dude, I thought we both learned from Quana that it's okay to let loose your wild fun side everyone once in a while." Jana commented. "That's like, the purpose of youth."
"I know, but when I think of fun and wild-" They shifted once more. "I end up as a toddler."
"Hey, when you're that young, you can do whatever you want without trouble!" Ponyhead shouted as she balanced a bunch of plates of cake over her head. "When you're older, you still do those things, except in secre..ah!" Ponyhead fell to the ground trying to keep balance.
"And when I see someone do reckless stuff like that…" Steven shifted again, turning into a seventeen year old. "I'm either at one extreme or another.
"Why don't you just focus on being the same age as Star, like siblings." Tad added his two cents.
"Yeah, siblings sync up! Let's go!" The two of them held their hands together, and those face marks of theirs began glowing as Steven…turned into an eight year old.
"Why didn't it work that time?! I was focusing on Star!" Steven shouted.
"Hm…guess Star's just too young mentally for it to reach thirteen." Jana said with a shrug. "Sorry dude, you might just need to restart puberty again."
"No! Mom and dad are already weird about it, and I don't want another Mewberty talk!" The kid pouted and sat himself in a nearby chair. "Is it too much to be just a little older but not too old? When did living in the woods become easier?"
"Yeah, there was a simplicity to just making our own little forts and hunting for fish." Tad narrowed his eyes as he saw Kelly take a seat right next to Steven. "Remember what happened in the second week? It was raining, so you tried to make a shield to give us cover, only for it to be really small, so we had to huddle close to stay dry?"
"How clo-?" Tad tried to talk, but he was interrupted.
"Yeah….I told you I was sorry for not being able to protect you from the rain." Steven looked up at Kelly with widened eyes of infatuation.
"And I told you it was fine..that all we needed to do was stay close." Kelly reached out her hand towards Steven. "And that's all that matters now too. Not your age, not your body, not how people feel … just us, staying close." She leaned in to the young glowing boy.
"Really?" The kid began sitting straighter.
"Yes. It's alright. I'll be here for you like you've always been there for me." Kelly cusped the boy's s face. "No matter the form…I'll be there."
"Yeah…thank you." Steven's body glowed pink one more time, finally returning to his normal form after a whole day or constantly changing. "It worked! Thank you, thank you!" The guy pulled Kelly into a tight bear hug that was WAY too intimate for his liking.
"Yeah, that's MY babe, being amazing as always." Tad jumped into her hair in his normal spot.
"Oh yeah … Chad, about that." Wait, huh!?
"Kelly, it's Tad, remember?" She wasn't gone as long as Marco, she couldn't have forgotten him that easily!
"Yeah, yeah, listen Brad.." Kelly got his name wrong again. "I know the time stuff makes things weird…but I just spent three years with an empty bed of hair…and I don't really want to…put junk back in it."
No no no no! He needed her, he needed her, he needed … "I'm not leaving!" He dove into her hair. It would just take a while, then they'd get back together again, like the old days.
"Hey, get out of there!" He felt Steven's arm grab him from the bush depths and pulled him out. "If she wants her space, then give her space, you jerk." He tossed Tad across the floor.
"This is all your fault, you big pink loser!" He accused Steven with a pointed finger. "What did you do to MY girl in that horrible place!?"
"More than you ever did." Kelly snapped back at Tad. "And for the record, I'm pretty sure we're still broken up, so I belong to nobody."
"I … but … aaaghhh!" He shouted in rage, jumping and storming away. Sure, go ahead, leave, he doesn't need her. He can find happiness himself!