[WAKE UP! WAKE UP! IF YOU DON'T WAKE UP I'M GOING TO K-KISS YOU!]
"...Umm.", this blasted noise is killing me, wait! "I know this stupid alarm sound, it is Issei's damn alarm! NO NO NO please let this be a joke!" I reach up and slam the off switch that I have weirdly done in muscle memory.... OK now I can think a bit.
"FUCK ME SIDEWAYS I AM THAT PERVERT ISSEI!" A moment of silence later and maybe a tear or two, a yell from downstairs breaks me from my self loathing.
"MATSUDA ARE YOU UP THERE WATCHING PORN AGAIN?" then her voice softened a bit,"Your father left to open the bookstore and I am going to work, your breakfast is in the fridge.... um wash your hands first before grabbing it!" wait I clearly heard her laughing at that!
"And honey mow the damn lawn before your two idiot friends show up or you leave the house, or I will tell that fat girl down the street you have a crush on her! ha ha~" Holy crap that's my mom!
All right let me take stock of my situation. OK no painful headache recalling all my memory's, that fan-fiction trope is out the window. Next it looks like I am Matsuda Tanaka and not Issei.... damn, I kinda feel like I got the short end of the stick all of a sudden..... that fucker will get with all the best girls in this world.... sigh.
Back on track let's look at the bright side, I do not have to get involved in all that nonsense and can just chill like a normal human...... Wait I just did that in my past life! I was a loyal one woman house husband to a wonderful Philippine woman but damn I can't remember her name, that bites. Lets see I had a really nice daughter and most everything was average and I could not complain at all. Hmm did I die from covid or a truck? I guess that's a good memory to NOT have.
Lets see my Earth zero life skills were pretty normal I guess, I went to high school in the State's skipped college, nope I was no scientist or super expert at much, well there were two things I was good at. The first thing was cooking, I used to own a pizza restaurant for a time, those were the days, and yet I cant recall its name, damn. Well the other thing I was good at is I had a black-belt in two styles of martial arts, Karate and Jujitsu. That might come in handy a bit, but in a world full of the supernatural it might not be much at all... sigh.
Tanaka Matsuda, in my new native language, is and always was me! Well I was just a side character in that anime.... I am sad again. Anyway I watched a few seasons of High school DxD, too many times.... I was a anime and fan-fiction whore. But the worst part is I had not seen that anime in like 25 years due to my age, and all those damn useless fan-fictions have made me confused about what is real and fake information. Damn I must have had some issues with my brain back then.
Anyway let's take stock of what I have done over the past 15 years..... Oh shit it is my birthday today, and I am now 16. Shit my mom totally forgot my sweet 16... I am not disappointed, nope not one bit, what a sad start. I digressed, so I am very athletic for a boy my age and have proudly taken my baseball team to the local championships! That's right, praise me more, cough and I killed it on track at school. Well I tried so hard to be the best in school so I could impress, the girls! Sadly I acted like too much of a pervert and hung out with those two ass hats.... No wonder I was doomed to fail. Thats OK, none of those girls in middle school would have been a serious interest for this new and improved great me!
Well there was one girl in my new memory that is going to go to Kuoh Academy..... Yup you guessed it, Aika Kiryuu. Oddly enough she lives right across the street from my home, on the other block. We are like cats and dogs though. That was definitely my fault. I caught her doing cosplay in the past and called her ugly.... Ya I want to slap past me real good.
OK time to roll my lazy ass out of bed and clean up for the day. I look around my normal room in Japanese standards and take stock.... Comfy bed, desk with a computer for school. Who am I kidding my past self has sooooo much porn on it it takes five minutes for the damn thing to boot up. I got a hamper next to my closet full of Sports clothing. Looks like I have not gotten my school uniform yet though? Whatever now to the bookshelllllllllllfffffff?! Oh my goodness, I can't believe I have this much porn! This has ALL got to go! You would think why would my family let me have this abomination of DVDs? Well my dad owns an adult book store.... sigh. He is a mega-perv. Sorry dad, your son is going straight... mostly. Alright and next to the bed is that damn alarm clock... On second thought I like that, it stays! My eyes move to the trash bin and I want to die! What has the past me been doing on his vacation, investing in the tissue paper company?!
OK before I mow any lawn or eat or come up with a plan to kill Issei 'just kidding', I need to clean up this bio-hazard room. One bottle of bleach will do right?