[WAKE UP HERE COMES THE TICKLE MONSTER! AND IF YOU DO NOT GET UP I WILL~]
I pull off a beautiful Michael Jordan [Statue of Liberty] smash on my annoying alarm clock! Nah, just kidding it is dope.
"Guess I need to get up and make plans for taking over the world, Pinky!" I chuckle at my own stupid joke and begin my morning routine.
Coming downstairs I head to the family dining area to meet my wonderful parents. Oh and of course my home is like Issei's, just your average track home in the quiet Japan suburbs.
As I round the corner I see my beautiful mother cooking what I guess to be eggs and bacon based on the smell. My parents' names are Touji and Kyiomi Tanaka. My mother is on the taller side for Japanese women and I swear when she was younger she had to have been an airplane attendant or something like that, haha. She has long straight shiny hair and she keeps it in an office lady bun.... Well it makes sense since she is a manager at a clothing store.
And sitting over at the table reading, fuck is that Playboy?! Anyways that waste of space is the reason the younger me from the show was degenerate hoe-bags..... sigh.
Don't know why my mom married him, she is the complete opposite of dad. Well, he is the shortest of us in the family, below average for a Japanese man, and he gives off the lazy vibe like that one lazy ninja from that Fish-Roll show. My dad also has a close shaved head like me. Do you want to know why I am Ash Baldy? Well at first the Earth zero me thought it was because I was into sports and it got in the way. NOPE you're all wrong, it's because if dad and I grow our hair out we end up with embarrassing Japanese Afro's! Sniff, I know it's sad.
I was brought out of my strange thoughts by a nice plate of breakfast placed neatly like a five star restaurant. I tell her,"Looks good mom! And thanks for the cake and balloons yesterday." She of course smiled at me as she opened her newspaper for her meal.
Then after a few moments of us eating, my mother looks over her paper at my dad and smirks as she asks,"So dear, any good articles in that piece of highly intellectual material?" Nice one mom!
Damn my mom timed that one as my dad starts to swallow his food the wrong way, but like a champ I see him flip a page back. Then he says after almost meeting my other dad,"Um yes dear, it seems that the economy is finally picking up steam again and we will recover our GDP in a year or so." Dad looks at me and gives me a thumbs up like he pulled off some amazing prestidigitation.... sigh. It is the DxD world, what can I say? He then says to me,"Brat my two boxes I had in my den went missing, so you need to help carry some shit to the shop after we eat." Oops!
One hour later and I leave my dad's shop, and interestingly it is right near that overpass Issei meet's that angry fallen hot babe. As I crossed the bridge I was looking at my phone to see what I needed to prepare for entering Kuoh Academy when I heard the damnedest thing!
Woof [You're a good boy and smell really good] What the fuck?!
Woof [I want to love you and lick you, and we can play catch!] Woof!
All of a sudden I am flat on my back with the biggest fucking mastiff I have ever seen in my two lives, hell probably in all twenty one lives!
"OK boy, let me breathe. Damn is your name Hooch or something?" I laugh while petting the big ball of muscle.
To my surprise and my horror I heard the dog say-bark, Woof [No silly goof! I am a girl and my master calls me Precious!]
At that point I hear who I think is the dog's owner call out in a husky sexy voice,"Damn it Precious! DOWN!"
As I get up I notice a scowling beautiful European woman jogging over. She is so tall she makes my mom look short, and she has navy blue hair down to her waist in a ponytail. Crap I got to get used to these weird hair colors on humans now, but anyway she is wearing a running-outfit and seems to be on her morning run with her dog.
The gorgeous model was trying and failing to get her 'Precious' under control. I thought she might hit the poor thing at this rate, so I decided to try talking with the dog in my calm voice and said,"OK girl, be good and listen to your owner."
At that point the lady was clearly surprised to see Precious jump to her side with a tail swinging like a propeller and holding the leash in her mouth nudging her owner to grab it.
She took the leash and said, "Thanks for that, she seems to listen to you? It's odd she hates everyone but me." She finally had a semblance of a smile on her face for once... I think this woman hates people normally. "Any way thanks again for that, my name is Karen and I hope we meet in the future. Just yesterday these two perverts tried hitting on me, so it is nice to meet a young man with manners." She turned her hot ass around waving goodbye to me while saying that.
I manned up and yelled to her,"And my name is Matsuda Tanaka, remember it!" Crap was that Naruto I did there?!
Then when the two made it to the end of the bridge and were about to turn a corner, Precious barked at me one last time with confusion on her face, Woof [I don't know why the master gave you a fake name, but her friends call her Kalawarna!]
Then the two left my sight.......... HUH!?????... WHAT!
A while later I made it to my room on autopilot thinking about what happened there, and at that moment my computer started up all on its own and then my email popped up! I sit down to see what in bloody hell is going on, and I see..... [You got Mail] listed as the email from Big G!.
So I opened it. [Took you long enough to open this, anyway don't want to cock-block you on your little outing there, and yes it is exactly who you thought it was. Anyway I will keep this short. I have guessed that you are experiencing bizarre things as of late and I will give you a BRIEF list of your Sacred Gear and what it is capable of once you unlock its power.
This was a bit of my [Power of Creation] I used in the Seven Days of making the Universe. Right now you are unlocking the passive effects of your gear, but to use spells and active abilities, you will need to train yourself a bit.
Fortunately you have a year or so before anything major happens, cough. Sorry I won't give you all the knowledge instantly like in those books, but this brief list should lead you in the right direction. Also this is the first time this Longinus has shown in this world so when it fully reveals itself the [Throne of God] in 7th Heaven will officially recognize it and drop that silly spear that killed you down a notch.]
OK this is a lot to take in, I will just keep reading.....
[Longinus Sacred Gear: Eye's of Creation]
-Day 1: Light: Immune to all light and holy based effects, along with mastery of Heaven's magic.
-Day 2: Atmosphere/Firmament: Knowledge of common barrier magic, as well as a high resistance to almost all environments [includes the Dimensional Gap].
-Day 3: Dry ground & plants: Earth and Plant mastery and manipulation.
-Day 4: Sun, moon & stars: Precognition, visual analysis, hyper cognitive thinking, as well as knowledge of most illusion magic. This also has given you [System Administrator Privileges] greater than even Michael. WARNING, use this power with care!
-Day 5: Birds & sea creatures: Affinity with birds and marine life, as well as the ability to fly [wingless] and swim effortlessly.
-Day 6: Land animals & humans: Affinity with animals and magical versions of them. Magic to manipulate and care for pure humans with low magical potential.
-Day 7: The Sabbath of rest: Passive regeneration with the ability to use 'healing magic' by touch. Wielder is immune to mind control and his sacred gear can never be taken, destroyed, copied, or suppressed by anything other than God himself.]
[Well I think you get the gist of it. Naturally you will have to practice many of your gear's functions and limits. Some of your powers are passive and will work and grow on their own, while others must be practiced diligently and use their own unique energy to manifest, for instance spells will need your magical power or its 'equivalent'. Other abilities will use up your body's physical stamina and endurance, kinda like running long distance. Be careful not to pull any big moves or spells that will cause you to collapse. [ wink emoji ]
"Huh, did he just wink emoji there?" I found that part odd so I continued reading.
[And finally I hope you have a fun and exciting life, but try not to make too many regrets. PS: I may have altered the destiny of a certain devil, and changed her life choices just a smidge. I know deep in your heart you would never want to ruin someone else's happiness, so as a good father I hooked you up..... Well only if you become a devil of course. Did I peak your interest?..... Too bad, so sad, I won't spoil this one! Oh and PSS in case you die again, I have taken the liberty of DELETING your browser history, don't thank me it was nothing! Love Big G!]
I stare blankly at the computer screen trying to process all this information dropped on my mind all at once. Then I see a big smiling emoji with a halo on the screen, folding the fingers on its one hand doing a countdown? After hitting zero a loud electric zapping sound filled my room followed by a faint smell of burnt ozone. In my horror I realize God fried my computer........ "WHAT THE FUCK!"
smiling emoji with a halo.