Chapter 62 - Chapter 62

During the morning rush hour, the elevated bridge was stop-and-go. The driver rested his hand on the car window, looking out in boredom, and suddenly exclaimed, "Wow." Li Ling looked up and saw, amidst the lead-gray and deep blue sky, a seemingly real yet illusory rainbow, like the gate to a heavenly kingdom in a mirage. She was momentarily dazed, realizing she hadn't seen a rainbow in a long time. What should one do upon seeing a rainbow? Make a wish? But she was turning thirty next year, not exactly the age for wishes. She glanced out the window; everyone around was taking pictures. She couldn't help but take a photo too, instinctively opening Weibo, only to remember that 9787532754335 was no longer there. Almost at the same moment, a message from Jin Jingyao popped up on her phone. Jin Jingyao: [Picture] He had sent a photo of a rainbow in a corner of the sky outside the studio. She felt a mix of joy and a sense of loss, suddenly finding this person even more detestable. It was as if he was reminding her in this way that he was still 9787532754335. He hadn't deleted his Weibo to disappear but to approach her in another way. He opened up his life to her; they shared the same sky and the same rainbow. His name had changed, but he was still him, always had been. - When she arrived at the studio, the set was already prepared, and the staff were adjusting the equipment. Li Ling was somewhat surprised to see the empty room, white walls, strong lights. A table, two opposing chairs, and a square iron birdcage. It was an interrogation room. —The scene they needed to reshoot was this one. Although Li Ling had always remembered that she played two roles in this movie, except for the audition, she had always been A-Ling. For some reason, the words "a beginning and an end" vaguely appeared in her mind. The audition was this scene, and the end was also this scene. Perhaps this was the true wrap-up. Jin Jingyao hadn't shown up, even the lighting test was done by another staff member. He only pushed the door open shortly before filming began. Like a corpse dragged by chains, he lowered his head and slowly sat down. His hand rested on the table. The metal handcuffs clinked crisply against the table. The young man slightly lifted his eyelids, looking at her from below. Li Ling's heart skipped a beat. Under the harsh white light, Jin Jingyao was dressed in prison clothes, his hair very short, his face pale, looking frighteningly thin, with his cheeks deeply sunken, the shadows on his profile like two sharp carving knives. She had to admit, this scene had a strong visual impact on her. She didn't know how to face such a weak, lifeless Zhou Jing. So this was how he had been living after A-Ling left. The young man coughed lowly twice, his face unnaturally pale, as if he were sick. She actually wanted to say something to him, but he raised his eyes and gestured for them to start directly. As if he didn't even want to speak to her. The first few takes didn't go very smoothly; Li Ling knew it was her problem. The prisoner opposite looked so sickly, he didn't need her to interrogate him, a gust of wind could knock him down. She couldn't tell if it was herself or the never-departed A-Ling feeling unbearable pain, unable to even speak her lines. Li Ling apologized to him, "I'm sorry, Director, I'm not in a good state." Jin Jingyao softly said, "It's okay." Hearing him cough heavily, she asked if he was alright, if he needed to rest for a while.He said it wasn't necessary. She couldn't help but ask again, "What about Zhou Jing?" Jin Jingyao lowered his head, "What about him?" Li Ling looked at him and whispered, "I don't understand why he would kill someone." This question had been lingering in her mind. She never got the complete script. From her perspective, the first half and the second half of the story were very disjointed, and she wrapped up her scenes too early to see what happened later. Jin Jingyao slightly raised his eyes, looking at her with an emotionless, hollow gaze. "I thought you didn't care," he said flatly. "A-Ling left. He couldn't find her, so he killed everyone." His tone was so calm that it actually stunned her, pinning her in place like a nail. Li Ling pressed her lips together, suppressing the strange feeling in her chest, and still said, "I don't understand." Jin Jingyao coldly curled his lips, "Do you think that even without A-Ling, he could continue to be a big star in the troupe?" Li Ling hesitated and nodded slightly. "You want to say that no one is indispensable, that's just how life is." His tone was almost mocking. Li Ling: "..." She looked at him strangely. What's going on? Everything she wanted to say was being said by him. Jin Jingyao said, "He's not like others." The young man leaned forward slightly, his tone still calm, but a strange light flashed in his eyes, "He always had a huge void in his heart, not knowing how to fill it." "Without A-Ling, he could only kill." There was something scorching, almost painfully intense in his gaze. Li Ling's eyes widened slightly. Jin Jingyao leaned back, his lips curling up again, becoming very polite, "Sorry, did I scare you?" "Cough, cough." He turned his face away, coughing lightly, his pale cheeks flushing unnaturally. The reason he was sick was probably because he got caught in the rain last night. Although Li Ling found him a bit strange, she still stood up out of guilt and poured him a cup of warm water. He said "thank you" and casually held the cup with his handcuffed hands. The cup wobbled and fell from his hands. Li Ling: "…If you need help, you can just say so." She poured another cup of water and patiently brought it to his lips. Jin Jingyao stared at her. Li Ling said awkwardly, "Can you not keep looking at me?" He lowered his eyes, his eyelashes casting a shadow under his eyes, "Thank you." His lips looked very dry, like a pale, parched fish that only came to life a little when it touched water. Li Ling watched his Adam's apple move as he swallowed with restraint. The madman became silent and obedient again, giving her the illusion of taming a wild beast. After a while, Jin Jingyao put down the cup and thanked her again. In a very soft voice, he asked, "Can I ask you a question? Why did A-Ling leave?" Li Ling: "Are you asking me or A-Ling?" Jin Jingyao said, "What's the difference?" "There's a big difference." He ignored her and stubbornly asked, "Did she not want him anymore?" "No." Li Ling avoided his gaze, pretending to be expressionless, "She didn't not want him." He was silent for a long time before saying, "Was she angry? Because he lied to her." His breathing became lighter, almost cautious. "What should he do to make her stay?" He had always been patient, but at this moment, he almost desperately revealed his vulnerability. The soul of the performer was stripped from the skeleton of the character, with lies and truths intertwined. The air trembled, on the verge of rain, making her heart feel heavy. Li Ling stood up, threw the empty cup into the trash can, and heard a "thud," a sound that left her feeling hollow inside. "Director, let's do another take," she said, her back to him. "I'm ready." Jin Jingyao quietly replied, "Alright." She turned around once more and saw a pair of dead eyes. He looked lifeless, like a madman, exuding a terrifying miasma. She smiled at him, "Director, you're ready too." - After restarting, the filming indeed went unusually smoothly. Compared to the audition, the lines in this scene had changed significantly. The conflict between the female officer and Zhou Jing had become much more intense. She was no longer a flat-toned interrogator; she would sneer, raise her voice, stand up and slam the table, pace back and forth, and even use a gun to intimidate her prisoner. She tirelessly confirmed Zhou Jing's crimes, looking at him as if he were a monster. In a cold, mocking tone, she accused him of his actions. She would even ask him how a dog like him, Yang Yuanyuan's dog, learned to bite its owner. "You're truly pathetic," she said. "You're like a parasite living in a basement, with no dignity at all." "You're the most disgusting person I've ever met." Li Ling felt her soul split in two during this scene. She couldn't understand how Jin Jingyao could write such harsh lines. One half of her was furious, feeling the officer's malice was unsettling. She was just an outsider; what right did she have to be so condescending? The other half of her, however, was exhilarated like never before, delivering these sharp lines. She felt she had become a bad person. She should be a bad person. If she could become worse, more vicious, would Zhou Jing then hate her and stop being infatuated with her? Perhaps not. She couldn't tell. The young man sat motionless in front of her, expressionless. The top light shone straight down, casting a shadow on him, like an unshakable secret. And behind him, the enormous black shadow lurking on the wall, appearing and disappearing, was a monster ready to be unleashed at any moment. He kept looking at her. His eyes and brows revealed an even colder, stickier emotion. As the scene reached its climax, the officer finally lost her patience, grabbed his hair, pressed his head onto the table, and shone the desk lamp into his eyes. He still didn't get angry, even smiling slightly. "Officer, your hands are so soft," he said. This line wasn't in the script. Li Ling was momentarily stunned, a genuine flash of shame and anger crossing her eyes. She pulled out her service pistol, pressed it against his temple, and pushed down hard. He still wasn't afraid, instead hoarsely asking her, "Do you dare to shoot me?" At that moment, the lights went out. The interrogation room plunged into darkness. In the silence, both their breaths became dangerous and rapid. Just as Li Ling said, "Don't move," she heard a "clink"—the sound of handcuffs hitting the floor. The young prisoner, who had been lying in wait, finally seized his opportunity. His movements were swift and powerful, grabbing her shoulder, disarming her, and then pulling her whole body backward— They wrestled together, like entangled dead vines, quickly losing balance and falling to the ground together. Dizziness, disorder, the world spun around her. Before hitting the ground, Li Ling thought it would hurt a lot. But she was unharmed; Jin Jingyao's hand had protected the back of her head. She thought in a daze, this is a slip-up, how could Zhou Jing be so gentle with the officer. This thought flashed by, and she was pulled back to reality by his forcefulness. He pinned her beneath him, his leg wedged between her knees, pressing her hands high above her head. An overly close position, turning her into a lamb on a cross, with nowhere to escape. She was still struggling, but he was too heavy, too hot, like a red-hot branding iron, chains wrapping around her limbs, forcing her to submit. His muscles were tightly wound, his scorching breath falling on the side of her neck. His face hidden in the shadows, only a pair of ghostly eyes, like phosphorescent flames, staring at her. She finally lost her strength. He reached out, slowly caressing her brow and the corners of her eyes. "You look a lot like someone," he said softly. "Like the person I love." Li Ling stiffened, suddenly feeling a wave of weak dizziness. When reading the script, she had imagined what tone Jin Jingyao would use to say this line. Dangerous, pathological, fanatical, passionate. But she had never thought he would be desperate. He seemed to be reciting a mourning poem, his voice slow, heavy, and damp, dragging her into the wet mud, into the graveyard, into a tropical rain. She heard the sound of rain, the chains dragging on the ground, the hot, trembling breaths. Her shoulder was wet. Li Ling was stunned for a long time before she realized it was tears. Jin Jingyao was crying. ...Her director was crying. Li Ling dazedly looked up, seeing faint tear stains at the corners of the young man's eyes, like a shimmering river in the darkness. He cried very quietly, without a sound. He was such a proud person, he shouldn't shed tears in front of the camera, let alone lose control in front of the person he loved. But the darkness exposed all the fragility, unease, and fear. He knew he had no other way to keep her. He held her, like a desperate man floating in the river. Swallowing tears, painfully gasping, sobs breaking in his throat. "Can you give her back to me?" His voice was tangled, hoarse and clumsy, speaking by her ear. "Don't leave me." "Give her back to me." Clearly, it was a position of confinement, but the words were more of a plea. Li Ling's heart turned into a pile of sand, scattered and then gathered again. She wanted to reach out and touch his face, but it was misunderstood as a struggle. Sweat and tears slid down his face together, his breath becoming restless again. He pressed her down harder, forcefully interlocking their fingers, like nails being driven in. The force was so great, it seemed to pierce her soul. His tears were so heavy, so painful, like bullets hitting her chest. Li Ling could hardly breathe. For a moment, their faces were very close, noses touching. She tasted his bitter tears, and he looked at her lips with a gaze that was completely dried up. She thought he would kiss her. But he awkwardly turned his face away, just burying his breath in the crook of her neck. In the chaos, Li Ling's hand groped on the floor, touching the cold gun. The end of this scene was the female officer taking advantage of Zhou Jing's unpreparedness to shoot him in the forehead. She closed her eyes, then opened them, slowly gripping the gun, her arm brushing against the young man's back. His muscles were still tense, but after being touched by her, they gradually relaxed. She lifted his chin with her fingers, his expression had already become gentle and calm. He was a complete mess, yet still very handsome, more handsome than ever. His face was drenched, tears growing from the shadows like a ray of sunlight breaking through a cocoon. Li Ling was momentarily stunned, suddenly understanding the significance of this scene: Zhou Jing had always known, he was willing to let the officer kill him. This was the ending he had set for himself. She thought Jin Jingyao was really like an idiot. He kept telling her over and over that Zhou Jing was a madman, how bad and dangerous he was. But back on the set, the only thing he dared to do to her was to voluntarily hand her the gun. She had never seen such a foolish person. He knew nothing but making movies. He couldn't speak, nor could he hold on to anything. In the darkness, Li Ling silently touched the wet corners of Jin Jingyao's eyes with her fingers. She dropped the gun. For a few seconds, Jin Jingyao was completely stunned. She cupped his face, touched his eyelids with her lips, then slowly moved upward, as if kissing a cold statue. She kissed him first. His heart pounded, suspecting it was a dream because a beautiful dream had suddenly come true. He lowered his head, pried open her lips, and bit down hard. He felt too happy, and at the end of happiness, there was only panic, an unreal, anxious panic. He kissed her clumsily, without any technique. Perhaps it was more like they were biting each other rather than kissing. Reckless, fierce, like rodents marking each other, tearing at each other's flesh. In the darkness, they both saw a giant statue fall off a cliff, swallowed by the raging waves. Li Ling touched his face, unexpectedly finding her hand wet again. He was still crying. Fine tears, like the rain of a spring dream. She wanted to kiss the corners of his eyes, but he pulled her forcefully, held her, sucked and bit, dragging her into a hot, wet prison. Sometimes, acts of love bear a startling resemblance to the execution of torture.