Chapter 63 - Chapter 63

The moment she kissed him, Li Ling realized clearly that she was done for. She wasn't acting at all. She had cast aside the movie, the script, and all the false identities. She was neither a police officer nor A-Ling; she couldn't find any excuse. She just wanted to kiss him. Li Ling didn't understand why this was happening. Before coming to the set, she had intended to have a clear talk with Jin Jingyao. Why did everything spiral out of control as they filmed? That dangerous impulse was like a loaded bullet, recklessly fired. She didn't care about anything anymore. It seemed she really liked him. ... She was done for. Li Ling couldn't remember if anyone had called "cut." When she got up from Jin Jingyao's embrace, she felt very awkward and a bit scared. She sensed that Jin Jingyao was even more embarrassed than she was. He didn't dare to look at her, like a chaste man who had been struck and was seeing stars. Even so, he still grabbed her wrist, not allowing her to leave on her own, and with his eyes lowered, he seriously helped her tidy up her disheveled clothes and hair. Li Ling's heart beat faster and faster, and she grew more and more afraid. Taking advantage of his unpreparedness, she quickly slipped away. The next day, she found a bag full of medicine on the doormat at her home. Because he had bitten her lip, and it was quite severe. Also because he was worried about passing his cold to her. Li Ling: "..." She couldn't stay there any longer. He left a note, with a little mummy figure jumping up and down, saying he wanted to talk to her. She carried her luggage and joined a new film crew overnight. The new movie was called "Atheism," a low-budget, independent production. Among the projects Li Ling auditioned for, it wasn't the most advantageous, but the subject matter intrigued her. The director, Liang Jingqi, was very young, having just graduated from NYU's Tisch School of the Arts. The film was based on her own experiences, a self-examining story of female growth. The film spanned a long period, nearly twenty years, during which the protagonist, Qiqi, struggled alone, growing up in the cracks created by her father. She always wanted to mend the cracks, to burn away her childhood with a wildfire, but she could never truly escape the shadow of patriarchy and the wasteland of her original family. The first time she read the script, Li Ling knew this role was meant for her. Without even auditioning, she and the director just chatted in a café all afternoon. Liang Jingqi talked about her father, and Li Ling talked about hers. Both ended up crying. For some reason, in that teary moment, Jin Jingyao's face appeared in Li Ling's mind. She recalled how he looked at her with a gaze infinitely close to tenderness in the dim morning light. Without him, she might still lack the courage to tell this part of her past. But now she was no longer afraid of "Happy Birthday." The filming style of "Atheism" was very different from Jin Jingyao's. Liang Jingqi, as a new director, made her set feel more like a stage for collective creation, where everyone participated in discussions and freely collided ideas. Li Ling enjoyed this process and loved the film. She told Liang Jingqi that this movie felt like an umbilical cord, connecting her life and her past. However, as the film neared completion, she thought it would be hard to detach herself, but the opposite happened. At the wrap party, she was the one having the most fun. "You always get out of character quickly," Liang Jingqi praised her. "You're a natural actor, quick to get into character and quick to get out." Is that really the case? Li Ling thought somewhat wistfully. Then why, after more than two months, did she still often think of Jin Jingyao? More than two months should have been enough for her to start anew, but it seemed she still couldn't shake off his influence. She originally thought that it would be difficult to move on from every film she made. It turned out that it was only his film that made it hard for her to move on. Sometimes she would ask herself if she would still kiss him if she had to reshoot that interrogation scene now. ...She probably would. She even wanted to kiss him more than she did back then. At the wrap party, Li Ling met Director Liang's husband. He was a very elegant and charming man, more than ten years older than his wife. "I think I have a bit of an Electra complex," Liang Jingqi said, somewhat embarrassed. Li Ling smiled understandingly. "Atheism" was born out of her own experiences, and as someone who also lacked a father's love, she understood the other's feelings. Although she had no romantic feelings for He Wei, she had indeed tried to seek a father's warmth from him back then. But He Wei died, her own father also died, and she matured too early, realizing that her life didn't seem to need a hypocritical guide. Everyone was equally cowardly and selfish. She no longer believed in the older generation and only wanted to rebel against their authority. What truly moved her, on the contrary, was youth. The passion and strength of young people. The naivety and sharpness of young people. The relentless forward momentum of young people... and the clumsiness of young people. During these past two months, when she wasn't filming, Li Ling often revisited her chat records with 9787532754335. She gradually discovered that there wasn't much difference between 9787532754335 and Jin Jingyao, not even in their tone of speech. He frequently slipped up, full of flaws, not very good at disguising, and never mastered the art of deception. It was just that she was also very slow to realize, never considering the possibility. How could the great Director Jin be a fan of a mediocre actress? Perhaps Jin Jingyao becoming 9787532754335 wasn't an act, nor was he trying to deceive her. It's just that everyone is lonely and has some things they find hard to say but still want someone to hear. In those half-true, half-false words of 9787532754335, many things became clear. He said his son had experienced severe school bullying. So had Zhou Jing. On the eve of the film's completion, he wanted to confess to the little girl next door. She didn't know if that girl was her. ...It probably was. Realizing this, Li Ling was actually very happy, so happy that she almost didn't sleep, and the next day she treated everyone to milk tea. But then she had doubts. If that was the case, why hadn't he said anything to her since the film wrapped? Jin Jingyao was indeed very good to her, extremely good. Does being good equate to liking? Maybe he was just a genuinely nice person. Was his so-called confession just a result of being too immersed in the role, a momentary illusion? Once the film was done, the illusion disappeared. Did he like her then, and does he still like her now? Li Ling had always been brave and bold, but when it came to feelings, she found herself becoming hesitant and indecisive. "Atheism" was already finished, and Jin Jingyao still hadn't contacted her. She suspected he had truly lost interest. - Li Ling didn't expect that the first person she would see would be Luo Mingqing. One day, she went to the recording studio to re-record some lines. As the elevator doors were closing, a tall man dressed inconspicuously squeezed in. He looked at her with some surprise and softly called out, "Sister." Li Ling lowered her head, pretending to play with her phone, thinking that his acting of a chance encounter was terrible. Luo Mingqing secretly watched her through the reflection on the elevator wall, forcing a smile and saying ingratiatingly, "Sister, do you have some time later? How about we have a meal together?" Li Ling still couldn't be bothered to respond to him. She picked up her phone and pretended to make a call. Saying anything would do, but for some reason, the words that came out were: "Yes, I did kiss him." Luo Mingqing: ? "It was just a movie, but why did it feel like a drunken fling?" Li Ling sighed, speaking with strong conviction, "Oh, I hope I don't really like him." Luo Mingqing: "..." The elevator doors opened, and he stood there, looking lost, with a complex and struggling expression. After a moment, he still chased after her and blocked her way. "Sister, can we talk?" Luo Mingqing said pitifully. Li Ling glanced at her phone screen; the car she had called would arrive in three minutes. She finally spoke her first words to him: "Sure, can we finish talking in three minutes?" Luo Mingqing's expression showed some hurt. He touched his lips, trying several times to start but not knowing what to say: "I..." Three minutes passed, and the car had arrived. Li Ling checked the license plate and was about to get in when Luo Mingqing stopped her again. He grabbed her hand, "Sister, where are you going? I'll take you." Li Ling said, "We're not that close, are we?" She shook off his hand with some force. Luo Mingqing's eyes widened, his face turning pale, but he still walked over and blocked the car door with his body. "I really have something to say to you." He looked at her stubbornly. Li Ling looked at him impatiently, "Then say it." Luo Mingqing hesitated, his gaze darkening again, as if a knife was rolling on his tongue. His tone became painful and difficult: "Sister, I'm sorry, I..." Li Ling looked at him quietly, "If you want to tell me that you were the one who spread rumors about me and He Wei back then, there's no need." "I've known for a long time." Luo Mingqing was stunned. Li Ling expressionlessly stepped past him and got into the car. But he suddenly came to his senses, forcefully pressing down on the car door, bending over, and staring at her intently. His reaction was strange, stranger than she had imagined. His facial expressions changed rapidly like in a horror movie, showing a hint of ferocity. "Who told you?" Luo Mingqing said darkly, "Jin Jingyao?" Li Ling said, "I knew in Chen Fei's office back then." She smiled slightly and continued, "He said he deliberately led you there, not expecting you to be so obedient. He even asked if I felt ashamed, being intimate with He Wei in front of a little brother." Luo Mingqing's face changed dramatically, his body swaying as if he had been slapped. Li Ling didn't pay much attention to him: "By the way, what does this have to do with Jin Jingyao?" Luo Mingqing's lips moved, his expression dazed. The driver in front impatiently asked if they were leaving or not. Li Ling then closed the car door. As the car drove away, she saw through the rearview mirror that Luo Mingqing was still standing there like a corpse, exposed to the sunlight. She felt nothing at all. A few years ago, Li Ling had actually imagined this scene. Back then, she was still unwilling, confused, puzzled, and angry. She wanted to confront Luo Mingqing face to face, asking him why he did this to her and what she had done wrong. But later, she understood that these questions were meaningless. Some people hurt others without needing a reason. And she didn't want to try to understand a murderer's motive. The only thing she could do was forget him and leave him far behind. If it weren't for him constantly entangling with her, she wouldn't even bother to tell him the truth. Now, the only thing Li Ling cared about was—what was going on with Jin Jingyao? Why did Luo Mingqing mention him? Did he also know about what happened back then? Would he misunderstand her, thinking she was not respectable? This matter tormented Li Ling for several days. After returning to her apartment, she often secretly observed the opposite side, checking every few days to see if anyone was living there. Eventually, she came to a definite conclusion: the house was empty. Jin Jingyao might have moved out. He was so rich, with so many houses, it didn't matter where he lived. Li Ling took out her phone and looked at the chat history with Director Jin, which had stopped more than two months ago. So indifferent. She thought sadly, there really was no love left. Everything was over. After mourning for a long two seconds, she threw her phone aside and decided to sleep first. Li Ling was awakened by the sound of the phone ringing. "Hello, is this Ms. Li Ling?" The polite voice of a stranger came from the other end of the line. She mumbled a sleepy "Hmm." The other party seemed a bit surprised, probably not expecting someone to be sleeping at five in the afternoon. Then, he introduced himself as a staff member of the film festival. The reason he was contacting her was that they had decided to select Director He Wei's posthumous work "Yesterday's Sun" as the opening film of this festival. He wanted to know if she was interested in attending the event as the lead actress. Li Ling was stunned. Hearing such a long-forgotten term, she almost thought she was dreaming. She was dazed for a long, long time before she incredulously said, "…It's going to be released?" "Yes." The staff member said politely, "The opening event of this film festival will also serve as the premiere of the film. 'Yesterday's Sun' is about to be released nationwide." He paused, his tone suddenly becoming a bit gentler: "Ms. Li, congratulations." Even after hanging up the phone, Li Ling's mind was still in a daze. She said she needed to think about it before deciding and asked if he knew which company was handling the release and distribution of "Yesterday's Sun." In that one second of waiting, her heartbeat actually sped up a lot. Then, not surprisingly, she heard the name of Jin Jingyao's film company. Her heart fell into a gentle lake. It was supported, very safe. Li Ling lay on the bed, her mind blank, listening to the faint sounds of the street outside the window. Tires speeding over the road, pedestrians chatting and laughing. It was clearly five in the afternoon, dusk approaching, yet it felt like a new day. Everything was new. Her life, those torn and old pages, were suddenly carefully glued back together, becoming a new book on the shelf. In a daze, she heard very light footsteps outside the door. The sound was really light, so light it seemed like an illusion. Maybe it really was just an illusion, but Li Ling still rushed out immediately and opened the door. She saw Jin Jingyao, whom she hadn't seen for a long time. He was wearing glasses, with a small black suitcase by his side, standing at her door on tiptoe, trying to place a hundred-yuan bill on the doormat. Because she opened the door without warning, catching him in the act, he looked up in surprise. Li Ling had almost never seen such a silly expression on Jin Jingyao's face. Like a clear and foolish college boy. After several seconds, he finally pursed his lips unnaturally and smiled at her. The evening breeze brushed against her face, and for no particular reason, Li Ling suddenly remembered a scene from when she was filming "Atheism." In that scene, the young female protagonist, experiencing her first stirrings of love, spoke to her long-time crush for the first time. She had shot that scene many times but could never get it right because she didn't know what it felt like to have a first love, nor had she ever had a crush on anyone. But at this moment, in the dim light, Li Ling gazed at Jin Jingyao. He looked at her nervously, like someone who didn't know how to smile, learning to smile for the first time. On the handsome face of the young director, his sudden infatuation and fascination were impossible to hide.