"What now?" I asked Sarah after thirty minutes of gloomy silence. The mood wasn't awkward—just sad and fucking depressing.
At least I learned something about myself this time, unsettling as it is. I should do something about it, but not now. Right now, I need to do whatever it takes not to lose a precious friend.
Sarah sipped her now mostly cold espresso. She likes bitter things when she's angry or anxious. It helps her relax.
She didn't say anything, but at least she wasn't pissed anymore—just tired of my shit. I couldn't blame her; I would be too.
"I'm sorry, okay? I know it might not mean much, coming from me, the asshole who left you. But I really want us to reconnect. It might not seem like it, but there's no one I've missed talking to more than you. More than my parents, even. But as you can see, I'm a coward, an asshole. And I probably need help."
I stopped when I realized my words were doing more harm than good. I guess even my apologies sound like excuses by now.
Sarah sighed, setting down her espresso, and gave me a contemplative look. "I'm sorry too, but I can't forgive you, Eva. Not that easily. I'm so pissed right now that it's taking every fiber of my being not to throw this coffee at you.
"But," she continued, "I admit I'm reluctant to throw away our friendship like it meant nothing. So how about this—from now on, we'll meet weekly and figure out the rest as we go?"
She tried to be nonchalant, but I caught the hopeful crack in her voice. She couldn't meet my eyes without showing just how anxious she was.
Seeing that made me feel sick. She still thinks I'll abandon her again? Because that's what I did. I left her to drown in my own misery without caring how it hurt those around me. I should at least own that.
I closed my eyes, breathed slowly, and envisioned a future without Sarah in it. To my surprise, even when I tried hard to erase her, shadows of her lingered in the background, always there.
A future without her? Bleak at best. I couldn't have that. So I opened my eyes, gave her my best reassuring smile, and said, "There's nothing I'd want more than being with you again. But... can we see each other more than just once a week? I have a favor to ask."
She gave me an exasperated eye roll. "Of course you do. What is it this time? Just so you know, I'm not pretending to be your date like last time."
I knew what she was doing—offering me an olive branch. One I would gladly reach for.
"Eh, why not?"
"Because look how skinny you've gotten. Those embarrassing clothes you're wearing can't cover it up under my expert gaze. People will think I've been starving you."
I let out a startled laugh, surprising myself. How long had it been since I laughed with anyone but myself?
[Ding~ ding~ ding~ Congratulations! You've made amends with your best friend. Here are your rewards…]
The system notified me that I'd completed my mission. Honestly, I'd forgotten about it by now. But I was glad the system recognized this olive branch as amends. It meant Sarah really felt the same way.
"What's wrong?"
"Ah, nothing," I replied quickly. "Just wondering what kind of skincare routine you're doing. Your skin looks amazing."
Sarah shook her head, amused. "Eva, did you know that every time you try to avoid telling the truth, you compliment the person? Every time."
"I do not," I protested immediately. There's no way I'm that much of an open book.
"If you say so..."
She said nothing more, and I was about to speak again when...
Sarah's inner thought made me freeze. I could feel the emotion behind it, too. I never knew she felt that way about me.
No. Some things are better left ignored for the rest of our lives.
"It's time for us to go," I said, snapping out of it. Sarah gave me a confused look.
"Where?" she asked.
"Did you forget already? Didn't I say I'd buy you anything you want?"
"I thought you were joking," she said, finishing her coffee, grabbing her purse and phone, and getting up from the chair.
I followed, and we walked out of the café. The next two hours were spent with me trailing behind Sarah as she shopped, picking clothes she figured I could afford.
Don't get me wrong, I wasn't complaining. I'm not rich enough to spoil anyone yet, and with each drop in my bank balance, I died a little inside. I worked hard for that cash; confronting the past isn't cheap.
But it made me feel better when Sarah realized I could actually afford most of the stuff she picked, even the pricier items. That feeling didn't last long, though, when she grabbed something that cost a thousand dollars. I nearly cried when my card swiped through.
How the hell could a piece of clothing cost that much? Was it made of gold? I shouldn't have said anything or gotten cocky about being able to afford it.
I sighed as I took the receipt with a solemn look. Sarah tried to hold back her smugness, but the mischievous chuckle she let slip gave her away.
We hit up an arcade after, under my insistence. We played the classics and made bets. She couldn't beat me at anything. I'd been cultivating my gaming skills for a while.
Until we hit the claw machine. I lost. But I took solace in my previous victories.
"So, where next?" I asked as we walked out of the arcade. Just for today, I was Sarah's slave, at her every whim.
She was about to answer when my stomach growled. My face reddened as an old lady walking by gave me an amused look.
Sarah burst out laughing. "I guess your stomach has decided for us."
I didn't dignify her jab with a response, sulking all the way to a nearby restaurant. Fifteen minutes later, we were seated inside. I hadn't realized how huge this mall was. No wonder Tina always got lost in here as a kid.
"Hey, Sarah, are you still in touch with Tina?"
I asked as we were seated. Sarah glanced at me before looking away, the amusement vanishing from her face.
"Tina died last year. Car accident."
"Oh." That was all I could manage.
Sarah gave me a look. "Oh? That's it? She was our friend, and all you can say is 'oh'? Sometimes I forget just how insensitive you are."
I shrugged. She was right, so why bother arguing? I hadn't thought about Tina in years—not since before high school, really.
I was about to say something when the words hit me, like someone shouting inside my mind. Over and over.
I collapsed to the floor, jaw clenched, trying to suppress a guttural scream. I could faintly feel Sarah crouching beside me, asking if I was okay, calling for help. But all I could focus on were the words.
[System Warning: A Seven Deadly Sin of Wrath detected. Host must run away, now!! I repeat, a Seven Deadly Sin of Wrath detected. Host must run away, now!! I repeat...]