Sven prepares to go to the party, he finds himself some cloths that he had worn too many times. He is hesitant but he knows the headaches he would face from Schneizel if he didn't go.
The night air is cold as I step into the street. I zip up my jacket, but it dosent stop the cold.
People are out there living their lives, laughing and talking. I wonder if they feel as empty as I do.
The party is at Schneizel's place, not far from campus.
I could feel the thumping of the bass speakers from the corner of the street.
For a moment I stop and think.
Why the hell am I even here?
Staring at the door was enough, I push myself to open the door.
The sound hit me like a wave. People everywhere, everyone were from my college but I didn't know most of them.
Everyone's crammed into every corner, dancing and talking. They are shouting over the music and laughing like their lives depend on it.
I feel out of place already.
Schneizel saw me first. He holds his drink up and moves through the crowd in my direction.
"Sven, my guy. You made it !!"
His smile was as wide as always. I nod and force a little smile.
I move through the crowd and reach him. People push me and step on feet as they are too busy partying.
I finally reach him and he claps me on the back.
"Sven, here, drink up man !"
He handed me some alcohol. Atleast it would help me relax in the crowd a bit as I am not good at handling big crowds like this.
"You need to relax Sven"
He is smiling like its the best night in the world.
"Just enjoy it dude !"
"Yeah.... sure" I mumbled.
I didn't feel relaxed from that drink. All that noise, laughter, dancing only makes me feel even more lonely. Its just..... too much.
I drink up more alcohol trying to ignore how disconnected I feel from all of this. All the others are laughing and talking to each other while I pretend to care and nod along.
Damn someone in the crowd already started making holiday vacation plans.
A beach trip, they are all excited. Nah, they are all just eager to get wasted and call it 'the best time ever'.
"Sven, You're coming with us right?"
Damn this guy never lets me relax.
"It will be fun Sven. Just think about it !!"
Yeah, I am not thinking about it. Spending more time with these people, pretending to care about their meaningless conversations makes me feel sick.
"I dont know..... I have got school n' stuff"
"Sven, uhh whatever man, you're missing the fun"
I knew he wanted me to come, but I really didn't want to go. Just like that I become invisible in the crowd again.
If I disappear right now, no one would notice. They are having all the fun in the world but I am still debating with my own head.
I look around the room, everyone's smiling laughing acting like life is perfect. But its all a act.
I can see it. I can see through their act.
They are just pretending, putting on masks and hiding whatever they are feeling.
I cant act. Not anymore.
I move away from the group and find a myself in a quite corner near the back of the room.
I lean on the wall trying to block out the noise, the lights, the people. But I can feel it. The emptiness, the loneliness. Its suffocating
Maybe I should leave.
I push myself off the wall and walk towards the door but someone grabbed my arm. I turn and see, its Schneizel again.
He's a little sloppy, but still smiling. He is drunk. Completely out of his senses.
"Where are you going, Sven?"
"I just need some air" I say trying to pull away.
"Nah, come on man, you're too serious just loosen up." His grip tightens around my arm.
I shake my head, pulling my arm free.
"I am fine, Schneizel. I just need to go."
He stares at me like he's figuring out something but then shrugs
"Do what the fuck ever you want man."
I walk out the door, the night breeze hits me like a slap.
The noise from the party fades behind me, replaced by the faint city sounds.
Its quiet now. Too damn quiet.
As I walk, I wonder why I even bother. Why did I even go to that party?
What was I hoping to find?
Friends? belonging?
Maybe I thought it would make me feel something.
But it didn't.
I look up in the sky. The stars are faint due to the city lights.
I wonder if anyone out there feels what I feel.
Lost. Empty.
But the world keeps moving. The stars dont care. Neither does anyone else.
At the end of the day, I keep walking,
Alone.
Sven reaches home with the same old feeling of loneliness. He goes to sleep hugging his pillow as if its gonna give him some comfort. But it wont. What will he do when his so called friends turn out to be nothing more than Snakes.