For the briefest moment, Ye Shengtao froze, his entire bovine body stiffening like an oversized deer caught in the headlights. His hooves were rooted to the forest floor, and for the first time in this strange, cursed life, he felt something worse than the dread of becoming steak.
He felt the embarrassment of being caught mid-sneak by a golden-armored fool.
Across the clearing, Fergio stood still, equally bewildered. His sword was raised high in the air, poised to strike at whatever evil force he had imagined lurking in the shadows. But there was no villain.
There was no epic battle to be fought.
Instead, there was… Ye Shengtao, a wide-eyed cow, staring right back at him.
For what felt like an eternity, neither of them moved. The only sound was the faint rustling of leaves and the occasional distant hoot of an owl. Ye Shengtao's mind raced, trying to think of a way to salvage the situation.
Maybe if I just stand here and act like a regular cow, he'll lose interest and walk away, he thought desperately. Yeah, just a dumb, regular cow grazing in the forest. Nothing weird here.
But Fergio's face lit up with a mixture of surprise and… was that delight?
The hero's eyes widened, his sword lowering slightly as he took a hesitant step forward.
"A cow?" Fergio said aloud, his voice brimming with astonishment. "What are you doing all the way out here, in the middle of the forest?"
Ye Shengtao blinked, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. What am I doing out here? He thought. Oh, just trying to avoid being turned into steak by you and every other lunatic in this cursed world.
But of course, all he could do was blink and stare, hoping against hope that Fergio would dismiss him as an ordinary animal and move on with his ridiculous quest. The plan seemed foolproof.
That is, until Fergio sheathed his sword and started walking toward him.
Ye Shengtao's ears twitched in irritation as the hero approached, closing the distance between them in long, purposeful strides. His golden armor clinked with every step, and for some reason, Fergio was now smiling as if he'd just stumbled upon the greatest treasure in the kingdom.
"By the gods," Fergio said, his voice filled with reverence. "A cow… right when I needed one. It's a sign! A blessed sign from the heavens!"
Ye Shengtao's brain flatlined.
A sign?
What in the world was this idiot talking about?
Before he could even begin to comprehend Fergio's absurd train of thought, the hero reached out and placed a hand on Ye Shengtao's back. The touch was light, almost reverent, as if Fergio were handling some sacred relic instead of a muddy, disgruntled cow.
"You there, noble beast," Fergio said, his tone grandiose and filled with the kind of self-importance only a hero could muster. "I find myself in need of a companion to lead me out of this treacherous forest. Would you—" he paused dramatically, gazing into Ye Shengtao's eyes with all the intensity of someone delivering a speech to a royal court, "—be so kind as to guide me to the nearest village?"
Ye Shengtao stared at him, utterly dumbfounded. Was this guy for real? Was he seriously asking a cow for directions?
The system, who had been floating nearby, burst into a fit of barely contained laughter. Her annoying giggles filled the air like nails on a chalkboard, and she floated down to rest on Ye Shengtao's back, shaking with amusement.
"You've got to be kidding me," she cackled, wiping a tear from her eye. "The hero of the realm… is asking you for help. Oh, this is priceless!"
Her translucent hands smacked Ye Shengtao's sturdy body as she laughed. They seemed to pass through Ye Shengtao, leaving a chill behind whenever they brushed him.
Please. Do. Not. Touch. Me.
Ye Shengtao resisted the urge to shake her off and stomp her into the dirt. He had bigger problems right now—like how in the world he was supposed to get out of this situation without drawing suspicion. He wasn't exactly a master of deception, but if Fergio figured out he was more than just a regular cow, things would go from bad to catastrophic in seconds.
Or would it?
The hero, oblivious to Ye Shengtao's internal turmoil, continued to stroke his back with a bizarre amount of affection, as if they had suddenly become best friends. "Fear not, noble creature. I shall repay your kindness tenfold-"
"Yeah, I know where the nearest village is," Ye Shengtao said, his voice dripping with a mix of sarcasm and exhaustion. He had already resigned himself to the absurdity of the situation, but it seemed the universe wasn't quite done with him yet.
Fergio's reaction, however, was anything but calm or collected. The moment the words left Ye Shengtao's mouth, the so-called hero's eyes widened to an impossible size, his face draining of all color as if he had just seen a ghost—or worse, a talking cow, which was, of course, exactly what had just happened.
Fergio let out a shrill, high-pitched scream that echoed through the forest, startling birds from their nests and causing nearby animals to scatter. His hands shot up to his head, fingers clawing at his helmet as if he were trying to tear it off, all the while spinning in wild circles like a toddler on a sugar rush.
"The cow spoke! The cow! It talked! What madness is this?! A talking cow! What in the name of the gods is happening?!" he shrieked, waving his arms wildly as if he could somehow dispel the horror of what he had just witnessed by sheer force of flailing.
Ye Shengtao could only stand there, frozen in a mix of awe and horror. He had never seen someone so quickly unravel. Fergio, the supposed hero destined to save the world, was now running in circles, kicking up leaves and dirt as he sprinted from one side of the clearing to the other in full-blown panic mode.
"You were literally just talking to me a second ago!" Ye Shengtao called out behind him, his voice tinged with disbelief.