"Gin-san! Where are you, Gin-san?!"
"You're so noisy, Shinpachi. It's still early in the morning. Did a cat get stuck up your butthole or something?"
"This is bad! Look outside! Outside!!"
"Is it that ninja stalker again? I already told her to stop peeping—"
With a heavy sigh, Gintoki yawned as he forced open the Yorozuya window. The scene that met him was bizarre; everything outside was a literal blank white background, with only their building standing out.
"Ah, it's that time of the month already, huh? Did the studio blow the budget again because of Shinpachi's pointless movements?" Gintoki took a bogger from his nose and blew it as he took a sit on the couch
"Why is it my fault?! And take this seriously, Gin-san! We're the only ones existing in this white space!" Shinpachi shouted whole pointing outside
"Don't worry, I bet the staff on the back is already working on our next arc, so lets just sit and wait"
"Now is not the time— Look out!!"
Before Shinpachi could fully voice his complaint, the ceiling above them cracked. He barely noticed it before chunks of ceiling came crashing down. Shinpachi jumped back just in time to avoid the falling debris.
"That was close," he muttered, sighing in relief. As the dust settled, he squinted at the figures emerging from the smoke. Kagura lay peacefully asleep on Sadaharu's back, while the dog himself was busy pummeling a duck mascot into a bloody pulp.
Still a bit stunned, Shinpachi shook his head, trying to regain his senses before rushing over to the smackdown unfolding before him.
"Stop! Stop!!" Shinpachi grabbed Sadaharu by the paws, but he couldn't halt the dog's relentless rampage against Elizabeth. The continuous shaking caused Kagura to frown as she clung to Sadaharu's back, her hand instinctively patting the giant dog.
Sadaharu's beatdown came to an abrupt halt as he felt the soothing sensation of Kagura's absent-minded caress, leaving him sprawled out on the floor, panting.
"Yawn~~ It's still morning, and you're already shouting, Shinpachi. Did a cat get stuck in your butthole?" Kagura mumbled as she stood up in the midst of the mess. She shot Shinpachi a tired look. "That's why you can't be a real man and be a Ichi, stupid Pachi."
"Why are you both mad about the wrong thing?!" Shinpachi shouted, scratching his head in frustration. "Now that I think of it, where is Gin-san?"
At that very moment, the fallen debris from the collapsed ceiling began to shift. A figure emerged gracefully, carrying the unconscious Gintoki in a princess carry.
"Huahhh," the man exhaled as he stepped forward like a dancer, his face refined and handsome.
"Oh, it's Zura," Kagura remarked, munching on some stale bread and expired strawberry milk from the fridge.
"Zura janai, Katsura da," Katsura corrected, setting Gintoki's body down on the chair at the table.
The main door was forcefully thrown open as three familiar figures burst in like a SWAT team. The green-haired maid scanned the room, her expression as deadpan as ever when she saw the usual morons. Flanking her were two men in Shinsengumi uniforms. The gorill— I mean, the muscular guy—immediately rushed up to Shinpachi, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him violently.
"Where is Otae-san?! Did you see your sister?!"
"No, I did not!! So stop shaking me, Kondo-san!"
"What kind of brother are you to not know where your sister is?!" Kondo's tears flowed down like a river. "I can't live in a world without the existence of your sister!"
"For Pete's sake, both of you are noisy as hell, given the situation we're in. Did a cat get stuck in both of your buttholes?" Hijikata muttered, flicking his cigarette to the side.
"Why does everyone keep assuming that?! I've already heard it too many times now!" Shinpachi protested, dusting off his clothes after Kondo's violent shaking.
"I'd love to arrest the rebel right now, but we've got bigger things to worry about. This doesn't look like our usual 'out of money' situation," Hijikata said, squinting suspiciously at their surroundings.
"Can you all stop breaking the wall?!"
"I am not a rebel; my name is Captain Katsura!"
"You too, Katsura-san!"
Amidst the noise, Gintoki's eyes furrowed as he groggily woke up from his slumber, his face lightly smacked by Sadaharu's huge paw. Looking around at the chaos and the people surrounding him, he blinked in confusion.
"Did someone plan a party I wasn't informed about?" Gintoki exclaimed as he jumped out of his chair. "Even Zura is here!"
"Zura janai, Katsura da," came the familiar retort.
As they discussed their bizarre surroundings, Kagura spotted two figures sitting at an office table just outside the building.
"Oh, Gin-san, look at that! Someone is there!" Kagura pointed downward.
"You're right. Someone is really there," Shinpachi confirmed, following Kagura's gaze.
"Who wants to go down there? Glasses-san is giving me a bad vibe," Gintoki remarked, popping a fruit candy into his mouth. "I don't want to end up choosing between a red pill or a blue pill."
Meanwhile, the ignored body of Elizabeth stirred at the mention of the guy sitting on the ground floor with a bleeding forhead. As he evolved into his dragonia form, his massive schlong swung out as he raised a sign with it, proclaiming:
[I know that guy. We all need to go down there right now; he'll explain where we are. Don't worry, everyone is still alive. We've actually been sent out of Earth into this locked dimension.]
"Which means Big Sis is fine," Shinpachi said, believing the duck's words immediately and sighing in pure relief, with Kondo dancing behind him in celebration. Not even questioning why a dick is talking to him.
Elizabeth sighed, his expression serious as he declared the true reason they needed an explanation from the guy below and why they were sent:
[You, the chosen one characters, have been presented with the chance to join the newly founded Chaos Cartel initiative.]
{TO BE CONTINUED}
["The Two Piece! The Two Piece is real!!" Kagura shouted as the ending credits rolled.]
Author notes:
(Notice: This is the shit I wrote when I was drunk thinking about writing this fanfic. I will be using this nitwits along with other gag characters from other series to add on to the afterword. This is only the introduction chapter for my afterword characters and not included in the main story, which will start after this chapter zero.)
(PS: I was drunk when writing this chapter, so don't judge me. Mental asylum patient signing off.)
Serious Senpai: [Pfft, reason.]
(PS, PS: Fuck you and your "still early," wait till the DxD and Grand Magic Games parts finish. Your time to shine is on the Redline arc. Go back to your room slave.)