Walking along the side of the deck, Guts and Tessa gazed at the other ships while taking in the stars and planets that filled their view. As they talked, an overhead grocery announcement played across all the flying vessels.
[Eh Mic test 1, 2, 3. Mic test 1, 2, 3.]
[Paging all passengers of the Roaring Salvadore, this is the vice captain speaking. Please be reminded that in one minute, we will initiate hyper travel to a new location. I repeat, we will be having a hyper travel in one minute.]
[So no complaints if some random dimensional shitbags land in our bounded fields. I repeat, no complaints for random pieces of shit attacking our ships. Thank you for your cooperation.]
[*Announcement ending sound effect*]
"Here," Tessa said, tossing a laser gun toward Guts.
"Oh, thanks," he replied, swiftly catching the gun. He inspected the ammunition and closed it after confirming it had a full clip. They both donned their advanced sight glasses designed for real time gaming.
"Wanna bet on who will shoot the most enemies?" Tessa challenged.
"You sure? I remember you losing to me last time," Guts provoked, wiggling his eyebrows.
"That was because I was hungry, alright?!" Tessa huffed, clearly annoyed.
"Pfft, reasons," Guts chuckled, and Tessa hit his arm multiple times in retaliation.
A huge screen featuring Taxidi's face appeared in the middle of the deck, and he started hitting the camera with his finger.
[Are we live? Because it looks like this little camera isn't working. Hello? Can you see me? Oh, the light is already on. Ahem! AYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYYAYA! This is Taxidi-sama! Counting down to ten as we embark on a new journey!]
[17 seconds before the final countdown, Captain.] The cat-eared man beside Taxidi tapped his shoulder.
[I know that already, so don't say it to me, Blyton!] Taxidi snapped back.
[Then I won't mention that you stepped on a fat turd. Damn, it had such a smooth texture.] Blyton said, blowing his booger off his finger.
[Huh? What are you saying—shitty hell, when did this happen? OI GRETCHEN, I ALREADY TOLD YOU NOT TO BRING YOUR PET INTO MY CABIN!!] Taxidi shouted.
[13 seconds left, Captain.] Blyton reminded him.
[Gohum, gohum. Is my handsome hair looking good? Yosh, it's shiny. Ahem! Countdown, prepare, and steady yourselves, my passengers!]
["Ten paces to the stars, me hearties!"]
["Nine bottles o' rum ready to toast the journey!"]
["Eight sails set for adventure!"]
["Seven waves to conquer!"]
["Six treasure maps leadin' us to glory!"]
["Five fierce winds at our backs!"]
["Four cannons primed for the unknown!"]
["Three cheers for our daring crew!"]
["Two horizons awaitin' us beyond the veil!"]
["One leap into the great abyss—set sail for the unknown!"]
[Here we fucking go!!!] Taxidi declared as particles in a rainbow of colors surrounded the ship. The surroundings began to distort with the sudden surge in speed, all the ships surpassing the speed of light, sending everyone on board into a breathtaking, surreal landscape of swirling colors and lights. The air buzzed with energy, and the entire vessel felt as if it was vibrating with the momentum of hyper travel.
A few seconds had passed since the hyper travel began, and the sudden shift in speed became palpable. The ships met resistance from the negative vectors in the kaleidoscope dimension, yet soon stabilized into a steady momentum within the myriad colors of the dimensional tunnel to other realities.
Scarabs roamed around the area, their wings resembling the universe itself, while their feet looked like sharp blades capable of easily tearing apart a person.
"So, it's beetles this time?" Tessa said, visibly disappointed as she peered out at the swarm flying and crawling on the edges of reality.
"Tsk, boring. The space goats and kangaroos last time were more fun to shoot at," Guts muttered, adjusting his sight glasses as he prepared for the oncoming wave.
All participants, including Guts and Tessa, switched on their glasses, and grids of blue lines scanned their eyes. The voice interface of the glasses activated once the scan reached one hundred percent.
[Identification successfully verified. Welcome to Prism Grid.]
[You have an estimated time of 9 seconds before the hostiles—species name: Abyssal Scarabs—arrive.]
[Rules for the score are the same as last time: younglings are worth one point, adults are three, while the elders range from five to eight points.]
The yellow eyes of the beetles infesting the dimension slowly transformed to a blood-red hue, hissing loudly as they set their sights on the unknown beings intruding on their territory.
[Lock and load. Incoming hostiles are now on high alert. Good luck with your endeavors.]
[Rip and tear until it's done. Your fifteen minute timer starts now.]
Both of them exchanged smirks, pointing their laser guns at the oncoming swarm raining down into the bounded field. They pressed the triggers, and countless beetles plummeted to the ground at a considerable rate. However, their efforts seemed futile, as the number of incoming beetles heavily surpassed the bugs Guts and Tessa had already taken down.
"These guys are weak as hell, but the sheer quantity here is no joke!" Tessa whistled, her shiny blonde hair flowing perfectly as she wildly grinned while shooting like an unrestrained psychopath. "Rip and tear!!! I will be rank first this time"
Even though Tessa was neck and neck with Guts in the body count calculated by their glasses, on a sub ship flying far east of the main ship, the Roaring Salvadore, Nobu, Moriarty's most loyal subordinate, swiftly erased the annoying bugs with unimaginable speed.
"Hohohoho! You think you can all still beat me and take my rank? Too bad, I tremendously hate losing!" Nobu laughed, acting like villain from a generic B-grade movie. "Just be content with your failure to surpass me, the mightiest Starlord of Prism Clash!"
"Yeah, yeah, you're so good and the best, Starlord-sama, so can you zip that shitty mouth?" Obbau spat on the floor. "Don't get cocky just because you surpassed me by just a single fucking point last time!"
"Sounds like something a loser would say," Nobu shot back, smirking.
"Could you say that again, gay simp?"
"Huh?"
"Huh?"
Sparks flew between Nobu and Obbau as they clutched their guns, their movements synchronized as they shot in identical patterns. They simultaneously insulted at each other, each hoping to throw the other off just enough to gain the upper hand.
Time flew by as the game entered its final 2 minute mark, and all players on each ship began to exhaust their remaining gas, pouring every ounce of concentration into annihilating the beetles.
'This is bad! I only have 118 seconds left to take the lead, but this goblin bitch is making it hard for me,' Nobu cursed to himself. 'Looks like I have to resort to using the forbidden item, but... shit! Time to gamble this! If only I could use my usual abilities in this game without being penalized!'
Reaching to the back of his haori, he opened a secret compartment in his clothing. With a deep breath, Nobu pulled out his secret boost—a rare artifact from his collection, one that he proudly proclaimed as the absolute pinnacle of modern artistry. The treasure he would face war and death for, rather than allow any unworthy wretch to taint this sacred object with their filthy hands.
Gazing at the super HD picture of Moriarty, but not just any picture—it was a provoking swimsuit shot that he cherished—the blood in his veins surged with newfound energy. His grip on the gun tightened as he let out a battle cry.
"HUAAHHHHHHHH MORIARTY-SAMA!!!! YOUR BEAUTY AND BODY IS TRULY A MASTERPIECE!!!" Nobu declared proudly without any hesitation "IF I CANNOT BE NUMBER ONE, THEN I AM NOT WORTHY TO BE BY YOUR SIDE ANYMORE!! FOR THE GLORY!!!"
Obbau was startled as he suddenly became faster and more resilient in his shooting. When she spotted the picture in his hand, she realized, with exasperation, that she was losing to this guy's sheer, ridiculous devotion to that smug professor.
'What's up with this guy?!! Just seeing Moriarty's picture is enough to ignite this asshole?' Obbau inwardly shouted, her frustration mounting. 'He was just equal to me earlier, but now the gap has become this huge since he did something like that!'
Nobu continued to unleash a flurry of shots, his speed and precision enhancing as if powered by the sheer admiration for his master. Each pull of the trigger sent a wave of beetles crashing down, and his laughter rang out like a maniacal symphony of simpi— I mean determination.
'Damn it, I can't let this super simp overshadow me like this!' Obbau thought, her competitive spirit flaring. She refocused, feeling herself enter a flow state, adjusting her stance and aiming precision
============================
"Gigahahahaha! It feels like I'm playing a real-life Doom game!" A small elderly man laughed with a gleeful grin.
"You play Doom, old man Ghao?" Tessa asked, genuinely surprised.
"Just because I'm a 6,000-year-old elder doesn't mean I can't enjoy video games, kid," Ghao replied, stroking his long white beard. The 5'3" elder kept one hand on his beard while using the other to blast at the hissing bugs swarming around. "I've got the latest games on my VR capsule and computer—don't underestimate old bones like me! GIAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Do you play any online games, old man Ghao?" Guts asked, curious despite the roar of gunfire and the shrieking beetles.
"I play Ancient Defense of the Honorable Legends," Ghao replied with a smirk.
"Seriously? That annoying MOBA?!" Guts exclaimed, half in disbelief, wondering how this peace loving, tea sipping elder had ended up playing a hellish game he himself would never touch.
"Heh, taunting enemies and insulting their whole bloodline has always been my favorite pastime. Who needs meditation to grow stronger? Trash talk taught me that it's far more effective against lost souls seeking purpose," Ghao chuckled.
"My fiercest opponents though? The Southeast Asians. Not particularly skilled like me, mind you—just stubborn lane huggers—but they sure know how to bite back at my insults."
The duo continued gunning down their enemies, but they couldn't help but picture an elderly chinese man in traditional clothing, sporting gaming headphones, imagining him unleashing the most savage insults imaginable during a ranked match, all while sitting back in a gaming chair with his feet propped up confidently.
============================
[10 seconds left]
"MUAHAHAHAHA! DROP DEAD!" Guts cackled, his laughter manic as he stopped caring about his score. He unleashed a barrage of bullets at every beetle in sight, watching them fall like a stream of cascading water as all the players, fueled by adrenaline, went full throttle on the final countdown.
"Fortday, Counter Bullet, and Overclock—these FPS games have nothing on this real-life experience!" Tessa exclaimed, her eyes glued to the countdown displayed on her glasses.
[5 seconds left]
"I AM PAPI!!!"
"MY DISPOSABLE INCOME!!!"
"HAAAAAAA!!!! MORIARTY-SAMA!!"
"SHOOT MY GUN!!! DON'T MAKE US LOSE TO THIS GAY SIMP!!!"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M DOING, BUT YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT PROMISED TOASTER AND RICE COOKER YOU SAID YOU'D DELIVER BETTER SHOW UP AFTER THIS!"
"DEMACIA!!!!"
"GUHAHAHAHAHAHA! THIS ELDER LOVES THE NOISE! I'M SO GLAD I GAVE THIS GAME A CHANCE!!"
[Times up]
Halting themselves, the gunners lowered their weapons, breathing a sigh of relief as the scoreboard materialized in front of them.
"Hohoho, rank four? Not bad for a newbie like me," Ghao amusely said, eyes gleaming at the hologram before him.
"Only rank eleven?" Tessa remarked, frowning at her scores.
"Yaaah~~ Too bad, Tessa-chan," Guts teased, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Better luck next time~~"
"Don't get cocky!" Tessa playfully punched his chest, but Guts simply laughed as the number nine flashed beside his name.
Ghao smiled fondly at the two, stroking his beard while gazing up at the thousands of Abyssal Scarabs.
"Haah~ the flavors of youth, the essence that brings joy and affection," the old man mused aloud. "Back in my day, being this close was already enough reason for marriage."
Meanwhile, on the other ships, Obbau gritted her teeth, forcing a smile as she stared at the results, blood boiling at her defeat to that simping motherfucker.
Rank 1: Nobu Yamashiro
Rank 2: Obbau Snaggletooth
Rank 3: Papi
Rank 4: Ghao Mengyao
Rank 5: Ushnar
"I will have my revenge in the next match! Mark my words, Nobu!" Obbau shouted, striding toward the ship. She glanced back at him, sticking out her tongue in defiance before disappearing inside.
Nobu himself stood on place, gazing at the sky as he carefully placed the sacred ornament that had led him to victory back into his haori. Below him, his Nobu Jr. began to shrink, the excitement fading as it reached the conclusion of the match. The overwhelming thrill of victory subsiding, Nobu took a moment to reflect, a smirk crossing his face.
'Moriarty-sama, this victory is all thanks to your divine presence and unparalleled beauty! I will worship you forever and ever! If you have a thousand admirers, I am one of them. If you have a hundred, I am one of them. If you have ten, then I am one of them. If you have just one admirer, I am that sole admirer. If you have no admirers, then I am dead. No matter what, nothing will surpass my admiration for you, my goddess!!'
Nobu giggled to himself, hugging his arms in delight. The people around him exchanged wry smiles, accustomed to his eccentric behavior and not surprised by the antics of this overly devoted and somewhat unhinged subordinate of Jane Moriarty.
In the captain's cabin, noticing that the timer had reached zero, Blyton slowly rose from his chair while ignoring his captain that is taking a nap on a hammock. He pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket and hurled it at the sleeping woman on the other side.
"Ouch!" she visibly flinched as the chalk hit her forehead. She hatefully looked at Blyton aw "Can't you wake me up normally, dipshit?!"
"Stop your whining," Blyton shot back, using a toothpick to clean the gap between his canine teeth, ignoring her grumbles. "Time to do your thing, Gretchen."
Yawning in her chair, Taxidi's navigator, Gretchen, stretched her legs and scratched her black hair, which resembled a seaweed found on the seaside. Dusting off her hands, a magic circle formed in each of them, glowing with a faint light as she prepared herself.
"Time to shine, my babies," Gretchen said.
With a snap of her fingers, she adjusted her coat just as a sudden jolt shifted the main ship, multiple mechanical claw arms made of wood sprang up from both sides of the Roaring Salvadores, clenching like beasts ready to tear into their prey.
"Test, test, test," Gretchen instructed, waving her hands.
The mechanical claws mirrored her movements, swatting at flying pests like they were mere trash. Once satisfied that the synchronization with the arms was functioning flawlessly, she nodded to herself and extended both arms in front of her. The mechanical arms reached out, creating a huge rift in the space as if tearing through pieces of paper.
"All done, old man," Gretchen informed Foxan, who was seated in the middle of the cabin.
"Copy. Now to erase this bug—" Foxan began, attempting to summon the ship's weapons, but was interrupted mid-sentence.
[Hold up, mate. Let me do it.]
Foxan wrinkled his face at the familiar voice on his comms. He saw a floating jackal grinning at him, but to Foxan, it only smelled like trouble brewing.
"What are you planning to do, Douglas? Do you really think I'm stupid enough to let a moron like you handle the eradication?" Foxan replied dryly. "I'd rather sip a cup of horse sperm than let you or Morka take on a job like this. Did you forget last time you recklessly swung your axe, you idiot?"
[I'm just experimenting with a new move. Trust me, it's not as destructive as my usual shenanigans]
'Just let him be, Foxan.' Velrath's voice suddenly came through both of their consciousness, cutting into the conversation.
'Are you sure about this, boss? This moron doesn't even know the meaning of control,' Foxan said skeptically. 'Last time you let him do his thing, you had to apologize to Makina for erasing her creations along with trillions of copies of Eden.'
'He already showed me on what he will do'
Despite his doubts, Foxan relented, giving Douglas permission to proceed.
'Thank you for that, Master~~' Douglas said cheerfully, floating on the ship before darting outside the protective field. All the bugs crawling around instinctively fled from the dread emanating from his presence, leaving the pest-infested dimensional tunnel behind as the ships moved through the portal. Douglas swung his fist in the air after seeing that he was the only one left to entertain the bugs.
"Time to copy that interesting move I saw in that Japanese Cartoon." He smirked as he summoned multiple octagons with sharp teeth, appearing one by one in the trillions—no, quadrillions—of bugs that filled the kaleidoscopic dimension.
Opening his mouth, he bit into the empty space in front of him. It seemed like nothing had happened, but the octagons he summoned immediately opened their jaws. A loud shriek echoed throughout the kaleidoscopic dimension as they devoured all the beetles, making them vanish as if they had never existed in the first place.
*BURP*
"Damn, that was a lot," Douglas said, feeling his body energize with nearly endless energy. As he realized there was nothing left to do, his interest in his new move faded like a popped bubble. He flew back to the ship just as the rift Gretchen had created began to close.
============================
"AYAYAYAYYAYAYAYA! Now, who is the lucky one to come with me? Draw your lots!" Taxidi laughed as he shook the cup where the lots would be drawn.
'Lucky my ass!' Foxan, Gretchen, Blyton, and the rest of the core members of the Salvadore Pirates shouted with their stare.
They grimaced as Taxidi found a random dimensional gap leading to what looked like a void world. Not daring to disobey him, they prayed to god that they wouldn't be the ones babysitting their unpredictable captain. They decided to use number drawing to choose the poor bastard.
"Number 1 will be the happy guy who gets to join me, so pull your chances!"
With all their willpower, each of them reached for the cup.
Gretchen closed her eyes and slowly opened them to see her number. She sighed in relief after seeing it was five. Blyton shared her sentiment, holding up number three.
'Lucky!' Blyton joyfully thought to himself, 'but it looks like it's already decided.'
Blyton immediately knew who the chosen one was when he glanced at Foxan's face, which looked like someone had just murdered his dog. The number one was clearly visible on his stick. Taxidi peered over Foxan's shoulder and clapped when he saw the winner.
"Congratulations, Vice Cap! You will be joining me on this journey! AYAYAYAYYAYAYAYA!" Taxidi cackled, immediately descending the pole to check on the ride they would be using.
A painful silence followed Taxidi's departure, and a rabbit-eared girl approached him, sobbing.
"I'm quite jealous of you, Vice Cap~~ You're the one going on a joyride!" the rabbit-eared girl said to the frozen mustache man. "Make sure to take pictures, alright?"
Everyone facepalmed at her antics, fully aware of the chaos that usually ensued with this duo.
"I'll give you a head start, Rosina, before I beat your ass."
"Eh?"
"Three."
"That was just a joke, old man!!"
"Two."
"Crap! I gotta make my run for it!"
"One!"
"TAKE A JOKE FOR A SECOND, STINKY OLD MAN!!!"
"I'll make you remember the spanking you haven't tasted in ages, brat!!"
"Help me, everyone! My old man is abusing his precious cutie pie!"
Rosina dashed down the pathway, laughing with her tiny body as an angry man moved like a bullet train behind her.